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Looking at these specific activities, though you can’t like what you get if you don’t want it, but you can certainly try and get many small things that you really like and then appreciate them as doing so through conscious activities again and again, will send more and more signals to your subconscious mind where all these signals will say that you can feel satisfied and you can appreciate or complement also, instead of feeling dissatisfied and making complaints all the time. As the number of these signals sent through your specifically targeted conscious activities increases, you subconscious mind will start understanding and adjusting to the new script which says you can feel satisfied and you can give complements also, and you don’t want to feel dissatisfied and make complaints all the time.

In order to do so, you have to choose activities which you really like and which are small so that you don’t have problems engaging in them and completing them. These acts have to be conscious as engaging in small acts consciously, is the best way to see better results at the earliest. At the first level of this treatment you should choose small conscious activities like going to a restaurant or some food joint which offers some of your favorite food items and the taste is just what you like the most. It doesn’t have to be a major meal and it could be simply something small which can be called snack or even smaller than that.

Take this food item and try to eat and enjoy it as consciously as you can. It means you should not attend to any phone calls, talk to anyone else or look at some TV screen while eating this food item and you should devote your entire concentration to eating and enjoying this food item. Finish this food item by enjoying it to the maximum and after that, complement the management or the chef whichever is possible, for serving you with such a tasty food item. Since you really like this food item and you have enjoyed it, it will be comparatively easy for you to feel satisfied and give complement. This feeling of satisfaction and the act of giving complement send signals to your subconscious mind that you can enjoy and complement also.

Similarly choose from small items like sweets, chocolate, potato chips, ice creams, juices, soft drinks and many other such items which you really like a lot; eat or drink them with your entire focus on enjoying them, feel satisfied and then tell any person near you that you ate or drank this item and you really loved it. For example, eat a small pack of your favorite brand and flavor of chocolate with complete concentration and once it is finished or even while you are eating it, tell your friend, colleague, girlfriend or anyone else near you that you really love this brand and flavor of chocolate and you are enjoying it a lot. Once again you have sent signals to your subconscious mind, through this specifically targeted conscious activity that you can enjoy and complement.

In order to engage in more conscious, small and specific activities of the same type, you can choose to listen to or watch many of your favorite songs with complete concentration; watch a few favorite scenes from some of your favorite movies; read a few lines from your favorite books or articles; put on your favorite perfumes and enjoy them; talk to your favorite people and enjoy the conversation; get together with your favorite people and enjoy this get together to the maximum; play your favorite video games, computer games or any other types of games and enjoy them thoroughly; wear your favorite dresses again and again in rotation and enjoy wearing them; engage in your favorite hobbies and enjoy doing so, like swimming, playing football, shopping, watching movies and other such hobbies; and engage in many other such activities which you like a lot.

While engaging in all these types of activities, you should make sure that these activities meet some compulsory conditions otherwise the purpose of engaging in them, will not be served. At this first level, the activities must be the ones you really like engaging in, you must engage in them consciously which means devoting your entire concentration to these activities by not doing anything else simultaneously and you must enjoy, feel satisfied and give complement to someone after that. If anyone of these compulsory things is missing, you won’t be able to see proper benefits from this treatment.

Therefore, after listening to your favorite song with complete concentration and enjoying it to the fullest, you must tell someone that you really like listening to this song and it makes you happy. Follow the same pattern in case of other such activities by concentrating on them, enjoying them to the fullest and by saying good words about those activities to someone else. The most important part of this remedy is to enjoy the activity to the fullest and then say good words about it as these two acts are the ones which when done consciously, will send signals to your subconscious mind that you can enjoy and complement.

If you engage in an activity but don’t enjoy it consciously like drinking your favorite mango juice while talking to someone else, a strong signal of ‘You can enjoy’ won’t be sent to your subconscious mind since you have not enjoyed the juice actively and you just drank it passively while you were talking to someone else. Similarly, when you enjoy drinking this mango juice actively but you don’t tell anyone else that you love this mango juice and you enjoyed a lot having it, a strong signal of ‘You can complement’ won’t be sent to your subconscious mind since you have not actively given any complement to anyone about this mango juice.

The need to engage in these activities consciously, enjoy them to the maximum and complement afterwards, carries supreme importance and it can’t be substituted by anything else and hence you have to strictly follow these guidelines. This is the reason why I have already mentioned that you have to choose activities which you really like a lot because it is easy for you to really enjoy something you like and then give complements about it. The more you keep consciously enjoying a variety of small but your favorite activities and the more you keep complementing these activities, the more is the number of signals sent to your subconscious mind that you can enjoy and complement also, which means the more are the chances that you are going to recover from this negative habit as much as you can and as fast as you can.

As you keep engaging in such activities and do as I mentioned, a time will come when you start complaining less about things and situations and you will start finding more and more reasons to enjoy things and then say good words about them. This is because, your subconscious mind has been told again and again that you want to enjoy and complement and accordingly, your subconscious mind starts helping you in enjoying more and complementing more. For example, you go to a party and instead of making complaints about a food item which has not been cooked properly, you will tend to move on to next food item which tastes really good. You enjoy this food item and then you say good words about this food item whereas you made many complaints about the bad food item in the same situation you faced some time ago.

Though nothing seems to have changed in the situation itself which means you came across a bad food item at a party just like you did some time ago, but the way you react to the situation has changed completely and that is what makes the whole difference. Earlier in the same situation, you chose to make complaints about a bad food item and spoil the fun for yourself as well as for the others, in addition to promoting your negative habit of complaining too much; whereas now you have decided to ignore the food item with possible problems and instead enjoy some other food items which are good and then say good words about them.

You see, the magic has happened and it has not happened due to anything changing from outside but it has happened from inside. Earlier, you had a subconscious script of feeling dissatisfied and making complaints in most situations, but while you went through this treatment over a period of few months, you sent so many messages of enjoyment and complements to your subconscious mind that it now wants to find reasons to make you enjoy and give complements, instead of making you feel dissatisfied and complain. So earlier, you stuck to anything that seemed to bother you and you started making complaints about it whereas now you choose to ignore things which are not good for you and instead find, engage in and appreciate things which are good for you.

This is why more and more conscious acts of enjoying and appreciating various activities are required to treat this problem effectively as each time you enjoy and appreciate, you tell your subconscious mind one more time that you want to feel happy and you want to appreciate. Accordingly, your subconscious mind starts finding ways to make you feel happy and say good words and that is why it encourages you to ignore food items or any other things which are not good and it instead motivates you to find something else which is good, which you will enjoy and which you will complement. All this happens because this is what you have been again and again telling your subconscious mind to do, through your specifically designed conscious activities during the recent period of a few months, and this is what your subconscious mind has started doing for you. So it encourages you to ignore bad things and instead find, enjoy and appreciate good things.

Always remember that the outside world will be full of good things as well as bad things and in order to get rid of your habit of complaining too much, you can’t wait for all the bad things or flaws in things or people to disappear because that has never happened and that is never going to happen. The correct solution to this problem does not lie in finding flawless or perfect things and people, but it lies in ignoring the ones you don’t like and instead finding, enjoying and appreciating the ones you like. The world is not going to change much from outside but your world can always change from inside and that is why Heaven and Hell lie within you and not outside.

As you keep enjoying more and more things and people, and as you keep appreciating them, you will start getting rid of this problem of complaining too much and you will start developing a subconscious tendency, a subconscious habit or so to say, a nature of enjoying and complementing more and more things and people. This is the exact opposite of what you had before and this is the best you can have.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari

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Yet another reason for feeling dissatisfied and making complaints in most situations is that the person making such complaints is overambitious. Being overambitious is one negative trait which can make you feel dissatisfied in most situations, with most things and with most people. The people complaining too much due to being overambitious are different from the already discussed other two types of people having this problem. Unlike the other two types of people suffering from this problem, these people actually don’t suffer much or suffer at all in many situations and all their dissatisfaction and complaints are merely due to the fact that they have a habit of wanting more, more and more.

No matter how good a thing, situation or a person may be, such a person will still not feel satisfied as the ideal image of this thing, situation or person in his mind is too big, too great and too perfect to be true. No matter how good his job is, it is still nothing compared to his dream job; no matter how good his girlfriend is, she is still nothing compared to his perfect dream girlfriend; no matter how well his son performs at studies, he is still far behind his dream target; no matter how good the food or hospitality is at a place, it is still nothing compared to his ideal definition of food and hospitality; no matter how well behaved a person is, he is still nothing compared to this person’s ideal image of a well behaved person; no matter how luxurious a car may be, it still lacks something compared to the luxuries offered by his dream car, and many other such examples of many other such situations where there’s nothing wrong with a thing or a person, but these people still don’t feel satisfied as they have raised their expectations too high.

It’s not a bad thing to demand for better things when the things being offered are not good enough, and there’s nothing wrong in trying to raise your standards on all levels, as long as all this remains reasonable which is exactly what is not the case with a person suffering from the problem of being overambitious. Such a person raises the level of his expectations, ambitions and demands so high that it is not only unreasonable to have such irrationally high demands but it also makes it almost impossible for most people and situations to meet these too high expectations of this person. Inevitably, dissatisfaction and complaints follow in most situations as it is almost impossible to make this person happy and satisfied and to get a complement from him, instead of a complaint. Hence the negative habit of being overambitious can make you have the negative habit of complaining too much also.

Now that we have looked at the symptoms and root causes of this problem, it is the time to discuss some suitable remedies for this problem, which can effectively treat it and relieve the person suffering from it. In order to look for effective remedies, we must first understand that since different people may be suffering from this problem due to different reasons which have been mentioned above, the line of remedies also needs to be different in different cases. So if you are suffering from this problem of complaining too much and you want to know which remedies are going to work for you, you first need to know which one or more than one of the above mentioned reasons have given birth to this habit in your case and then try the relevant remedies.

Knowing the difference is not very difficult and let me help you with this. If you have a weak or negative personality and you have gone through a troubled childhood where you suffered many times due to lack of one thing or the other, you are having this habit due to the first reason. On the other hand, if you are not a weak personality and you did not suffer from want of most things in your childhood but you do tend to make wrong decisions many times and fall into trouble, you are a case of the second type and you need to do remedies accordingly. Finally, if you didn’t have a troubled childhood, you are not a weak personality and you don’t make foolish decisions very often but you do dream very high, you aspire to rise sky high, you want most people and things to be perfect and nothing less than perfect and you always have some better idea for a situation, you definitely belong to the third type of people suffering from this problem.

Once you know the reason, it is the time to know the remedies to treat that reason so that you may start getting rid of this problem of complaining too much. If you suffer from this problem due to being overambitious, all you have to do is treat your problem of being overambitious and this problem of complaining too much will also go away with that. I am going to devote an entire chapter to discuss the problem of being overambitious and hence you should get your remedies through that chapter, in case being overambitious is the reason you complain too much.

Coming to the second reason, if you’re making wrong decisions and end up being dissatisfied and making complaints due to those wrong decisions, you will need to discipline yourself and think properly about the pros and cons of a situation before engaging into it. Many of you will be surprised to know that in case of many such wrong decisions which end in leaving you dissatisfied and complaining, the actual culprit lying at the root of these decisions is none other than another negative habit of being too greedy. Being too greedy is one habit which makes you assess most things and people from their face value or price and not from their qualities or actual value served to you by them.

To understand it in a better way, let’s consider the examples mentioned earlier in this regard and let’s see why the person suffering from a habit of complaining too much due to making wrong decisions, made the wrong decisions in those cases. Starting with choosing science over arts, the reason for this decision is obviously greed and nothing else as this person opts for science even when he is very good in arts, merely due to the reason that science offers better paying professional opportunities than arts. You can see that this person is leaving something which he is really good at, for something which he does not feel very comfortable with, only in order to make more money, which is obviously greed and nothing else.

Moving on, this person ignores a girl with good nature and he instead marries a more beautiful girl though the second girl is ill-natured. This once again shows that this person only judges things and people from their face value or surface value and he doesn’t bother much to look for quality and real value in things and people. This is once again greed in action as a wise man will always choose a good natured girl for marriage, over a more beautiful but ill-natured girl, and only a man greedy for beauty of the skin will make such a decision which can cost him very dear in the end. Similarly in case of consuming premium liquor in high quantities even after being aware that high quantities of liquor don’t suit him, this person is once again driven by greed as he is doing so only to satisfy his greed for costly liquor which is available for free but which may prove harmful. Once again, a wise man in the same situation will abstain as he knows that he will end up suffering, but a greedy man will always go for the face value and not bother about the consequences, which means he will try to drink as much as he can just because the liquor is expensive and he may not get it again in the near future.

Looking at the final example, this person is trying to attempt a stylish looking exercise in the gym even when he knows that he is too new to attempt this exercise; merely because this exercise is stylish and he wants to make an impression on other people by doing this exercise. He is once again driven by greed due to which he only pays attention to how he can quickly gain additional value in the eyes of other people, and he completely ignores this wise fact that he is just a beginner, this exercise is not meant for him and he may land in trouble while attempting this exercise.

So the reason behind many such wrong decisions made by a person, which leave him dissatisfied and complaining in the end, is greed and greed alone, in most cases. Hence in order to treat the negative habit of complaining too much due to making wrong decisions, you have to learn to discipline yourself, think about pros and cons of a situation and then make a decision based on wisdom instead of letting your greed make those decisions for you. In short, you will need to reduce the level of your greed in order to avoid making such wrong decisions, and then suffer and make complaints later on. I’m going to assign a chapter to the negative habit of being too greedy, so you should check that chapter in case greed is your problem.

Coming to the final and probably the most complicated reason for feeling dissatisfied and making complaints in most situations, if you are suffering from this problem due to a weak and negative personality, as well as due to a troubled childhood, your path of treatment is certainly going to be long if not too long. In order to get rid of this problem in this case, you will first need to start working towards building a stronger personality so that you may be able to fight and change situations which you don’t like instead of keeping quiet and complaining later on.

Apart from this, you will also need to reduce the overall negativity in your aura or in your personality so that you may become able to appreciate and make the most of what you have instead of complaining about what you want to have but don’t have. In order to reduce the overall negativity of your personality, you should take guidance from this part as well as from the first part of this book and you should try to rectify or reduce as many negative habits as many you can so that you may finally have a positive aura or positive personality which can not only help you get rid of this negative habit, but many other negative habits too.

After this, let’s now look at some specific remedies or conscious activities which can help you get rid of this habit of complaining too much due to the reason being discussed. You should keep in mind that as long as you have a weak and negative personality, it is not easy for you to stand up and change things when you don’t like them or to like things which you get instead of crying over things that you want but don’t get. Hence you will need to take a different approach in this case and you will need to engage in certain specific types of activities in order to see some relief from this habit of complaining too much, while you are trying to win over your problems of having a weak and negative personality, which will bring the final solution for this problem once you achieve a strong and positive personality.

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Himanshu Shangari

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Likewise, whenever this child wanted to wear clothes, he didn’t have good clothes most of the time and he had to make do with whatever was available which was far below the mark in most cases, and which caused dissatisfaction again and again. Through all these conscious acts of dissatisfaction while wearing clothes, messages were conveyed to his subconscious mind that wearing clothes is what causes dissatisfaction. All the while this child ate his food again and again, and he wore bad clothes again and again, he kept complaining about such food and clothes and these continuous and conscious complaints kept sending messages of making more and more complaints, to his subconscious mind.

Similarly, this child had to suffer a lot due to lack of resources in many spheres of his life or due to other reasons and hence he felt dissatisfied many times and he made conscious complaints many times. Whether it was; being sent to a bad school; not having all the required books and stationary; no pocket money or little pocket money most of the time; little enjoyment or entertainment like going out for holidays or picnics; being ignored by parents due to most of the attention going to another sibling; being ignored or undervalued by schoolmates and playmates while taking part in studies and playing; always having used cycle, scooter and other vehicles as the new ones were given to elder siblings; wearing old clothes and shoes which were already worn by the elder sibling or many other such reasons, all of them made this child feel dissatisfied and complain again and again.

Such conscious dissatisfactions and complaints towards most spheres of his life kept sending more and more messages to his subconscious mind that no matter what the circumstances or the situations might be, he was only going to be dissatisfied and make complaints in the end. Such great number of conscious messages which came through dissatisfaction and complaints in many sphere of this child’s life, wrote a strong script of dissatisfaction and complaints on his subconscious mind. Accordingly, he started apprehending that most situations were only going to bring dissatisfaction to him and he would only end up suffering and complaining in most situations. As this script becomes stronger and stronger, this child starts finding reasons to feel dissatisfied and complain in most situations because this is what he apprehends, is going to happen to him.

Gradually this child grows old and even though he may not consciously know the root of his problem now, or even the problem itself, he has developed a subconscious habit of feeling dissatisfied and making complaints in most situations. It may seem strange to some people why this person is finding one reason or the other to make complaints about some food item when that item is good, but it is not that strange if you look into the subconscious patterns of this person. He has been finding dissatisfaction in food for a long period of time which wrote a subconscious script that the food brings dissatisfaction, and even though the limited quantity of food or the bad taste of the food suffered by him is gone now, the subconscious habit of feeling dissatisfied with food has not gone.

Hence this person tends to find one fault or the other with food because he has a subconscious habit of finding fault with food items and even though the faults have gone now, the habit has not. Similarly, this person will find faults with most clothing items and complain about them as his subconscious dissatisfaction with clothes is strong and even though the clothes are good now, this habit makes him find some faults and complain about the clothes. Similarly, his behavior of complaints in most other spheres of his life can be explained on the same basis and though an average person may think that this person is making complaints for nothing, this person has actually suffered a lot and the impressions of those sufferings are very strong on his subconscious mind. These impressions are what make him complain in most situations whether or not there is anything to complain about.

It should be noted that this person has to be a weak and overall negative personality in order to suffer from this habit, and this weakness and negativity accompanies him right from his childhood or even from his previous life. This is due to the reason that if this person was strong and positive as a child, though he might have faced many of the above mentioned trouble causing situations during his childhood, his reactions towards these problems, final interpretations of such situations and the messages sent by him to his subconscious mind would have been different than they were in case of a child with weak and negative personality.

This means that a strong and positive child would not have suffered in many such situations and he would have sent different messages to his subconscious mind in many of these situations. For example, this child would either have refused to wear used clothes or shoes retired by his elder siblings and he would have strongly demanded for these items to be new; or he would not have bothered much about wearing these used items and he would have been happy with them. In both these cases, this child had ended up in a situation where he was not left dissatisfied as in the first case, he got what he wanted and in the second case, he liked what he got. So there is no place for dissatisfaction and accordingly there is no place for complaints.

Hence the messages sent to the subconscious mind by this type of child are not the negative ones but they are the positive ones where the first type of messages said that he would not settle for something he didn’t like and the second type of messages said that he was willing to enjoy what he had instead of crying over what he could not have. Similarly, this child would not have allowed his schoolmates and friends to ignore him as he was a strong child and he knew how to make his own place among people and even more than that, how to make people respect him and follow him.

In the same way, this child would have found ways to feel satisfied and happy, even in most of the above mentioned seemingly bad situations and accordingly, he would not have had developed this habit of complaining too much as he didn’t feel dissatisfied many times during his childhood. On the contrary, this child is likely to develop into a person who is positive and strong enough to change many of the seemingly unfavorable situations, to his favor and make the most of these situations even when there is nothing much these situations can offer. This is because this person has put up many fights against the situations he didn’t like and he has won many of these fights by gaining through many of these situations due to which, he has developed a subconscious habit of not being bothered even by unfavorable looking situations as he knows how to make the most of these situations.

Therefore, it is the weak and negative child who is likely to suffer from this problem because he does not have either of the two gifts that a strong and positive child has. He can’t take a stand against things and situations he doesn’t like since he is not strong enough to put up a fight and win, and he is not positive enough to enjoy whatever he is getting instead of crying for what he wants to get. This child is weak and so he doesn’t protest in many such unfavorable situations due to which he ends up getting something he doesn’t want, and this child is negative due to which he feels dissatisfied and ends up making complaints whenever he gets something he doesn’t like. Hence weakness and negativity must be a part of the personality of this person in order for him to suffer from this problem as a strong and positive person is good enough not to feel dissatisfied in most situations.

Apart from this reason of a person suffering a lot during his childhood, another reason due to which a person can suffer from this problem of complaining too much is that, this person may have tried to do many such things in his past, which he didn’t feel much comfortable with and which didn’t end well for him. Due to these repeated failures and repeated feelings of dissatisfaction, this person may have written a script of being dissatisfied and making complaints, on his subconscious mind and hence he makes complaints in many situations.

For example, this person might have been very good at some subjects of arts during his studies but he chose the subjects of science as he saw more professional scope for the subjects of science, due to which he failed miserably in higher studies and these failures left marks of dissatisfaction and complaints on his subconscious mind. This is not just one failure and it is a chain of repeated failures as every time this person feels uncomfortable in understanding science or performing at an exam, a feeling of dissatisfaction and a sense of complaint is sent to his subconscious mind.

Similarly, he might have done very well marrying a girl who had a good nature but instead he ended up marrying a girl who was more beautiful than this good natured girl but who was ill-natured. This marriage might have caused him many troubles due to ill-nature of his wife and he might have got divorced after suffering long lasting mental torture inflicted on him by his wife. All these sufferings and bad experiences send messages of dissatisfaction and complaints to his subconscious mind from time to time, and these messages contribute in writing a script of dissatisfaction and complaints on his subconscious mind.

Likewise, there might have been many other such situations in his life where this person made wrong choices and he suffered due to those wrong choices. These sufferings sent multiple messages of dissatisfaction and complaints to his subconscious mind and they all helped writing a subconscious script of complaining too much. Accordingly, this person develops a subconscious habit of feeling dissatisfied and making complaints in many situations as this is what he has been consciously experiencing and doing for a long period of time.

It should be noted that this second type of person suffering from the same problem of complaining too much is different from the person of first type because the first type of person has suffered problems due to his weakness and negativity whereas this second type of person has suffered problems primarily due to his ability to make poor choices in many spheres of his life. Accordingly, this type of person is likely to cause him more dissatisfaction and make more complaints by virtue of making wrong or unsuitable choices in many situations, instead of suffering due to circumstances or other people.

For example, this person may choose to consume a premium brand of liquor in high quantities just because such premium quality liquor is offered to him free of cost at a party, when he already knows that he can’t handle much liquor and it hurts his health. He still consumes it in high quantities and for the next few days, dissatisfaction and complaints are the only things that follow as he falls sick. Similarly, he may decide to engage in a stylish looking exercise at the gym when he knows that this exercise is too much for him at this stage as he is a beginner and this exercise demands an advanced level of gym training. In this case also, a minor or a major injury may follow and this person has once again given himself reasons to feel dissatisfied and make complaints.

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Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari

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The habit of making too many complaints which in other words means making complaints about most things, circumstances and people, is one bad habit which can certainly do a good amount of damage to you as this habit makes you miss out on the best of most people, situations and things. Too much complaining is a branch of the habit of negative attitude and it deals with specific types of negative patterns of the subconscious mind. Due to these specific types of negative patterns fed to the subconscious mind through conscious activities, the people suffering from this habit can’t help themselves complaining about most people, circumstances and things they come across.

For example, you can hear these people making complaints about most people, things and circumstances in their day to day lives and some of these complaints may be something like; the tea is too hot or the tea is not as hot as it should be; the coffee is a little too strong for me or the coffee is a little too light for me; the water is not cold enough or the water is too cold to drink; this food item has not been cooked properly or it has been overcooked; this bread is not as soft as it should be or this bread is a little too soft; this dress is a little too short or it is a little too long; this sofa is a little too comfortable or this sofa is not as comfortable as it should be; the paint on this wall is a little too dark or the paint is not as dark as it should be; this movie is not as romantic as it should be or this movie is a little too romantic; that character in the movie is not as expressive as it should be or that character is a little too expressive; the caramel popcorns don’t have enough caramel on them or they have too much caramel on them.

Similarly other complaints of this type can be; this gym has fewer number of treadmills or the gym has too many treadmills; the air conditioning is a little too effective or it is not as effective as it should be which means either the temperature is a little too low or it is not as low as it should be; that trainer does not have as much muscle as a trainer should have or that trainer is too muscular; this airplane fare should include meals (when the fare is very cheap) or the fare should be less (when it includes meals); you are driving a bit too fast or you are driving a bit too slow; the speech was too short or the speech was too long; you are calling a bit too early or you are calling a bit too late; you pay too little attention to my needs or you interfere too much with my affairs; you don’t have any emotions or you are too emotional; you are not mature enough for me or you are too mature for me, and many other complaints like them.

It is interesting to note that in most of the complaints mentioned above, the person complaining has a reason to complain in situations which are opposite to each other. For example, if this person is your wife and you decide to take interest in many of her day to day affairs in order to show your love and care, you may hear from her that you are interfering too much with her affairs and you should give her more space as you are restricting her freedom. On the other hand, when you start doing that and you start giving her more and more freedom by not interfering in most of her day to day affairs, she has another complaint now, that you don’t care for her any longer and that is why you don’t take interest in most of her day to day activities.

Similarly if such a person is your husband and you like dressing up most of the time, he may complain that you look too formal most of the time and you should avoid doing this as there is no need for it. On the other hand, if you don’t believe in dressing up and you like dressing easy and comfortable most of the time, he may complain that you dress way too boring most of the time and you should dress better to inspire him. The point here is that no matter which way you may choose to behave or do certain things, the people suffering from this negative habit will always find a way to complain.

It should be noted that almost each one of us has his own tastes and choices when it comes to certain things and there are no problems with having such choices. For example, someone may have a taste for having his tea or coffee served very hot and he may complain whenever it is less than very hot, though the other person may find it reasonably hot. Similarly, someone may like the air conditioning set to the highest as he feels more comfortable with low temperatures and accordingly he may complain if the air conditioning is set to normal even though that normal may be reasonably good for many people.

Having such specific choices in a few spheres of your life and even in many spheres of your life does not make you have the habit of complaining too much, as you are simply trying to get things done according to your liking and nothing else. The difference between a person having this problem and the one not having this problem is that in case of first one of the above mentioned examples, the first person will complain if the tea is not very hot as well as if it is very hot whereas the second person will complain when the tea is not very hot but he will complement when the tea is very hot as he has got what he likes and so he pays complement to the one who has made it.

Similarly in case of second example, the person suffering from this habit will complain if the air conditioning is set to low temperature as well as if the air conditioning is set to high or even normal temperature whereas the person not having this problem may complain when the air conditioning is set to normal or higher temperature but he will feel happy and he will pay complements when the air conditioning is set to low temperature as this is what he likes. So the difference between having specific choices and having a problem of complaining too much is that the first type of people will complain when they don’t get what they like and they will complement when they get what they like, whereas the second type of people will find reasons to complain in almost any type of condition. Hence the first type of people want their likings to be done and they are happy when their choices are met whereas the second type of people simply want to find ways to complain and they do so in most cases.

Hence if you can complain and complement in a good ratio, you are not suffering from this problem and you only want certain things to be done according to your liking and there is nothing wrong with that, unless you want things which are too difficult for other people to arrange or manage, in most cases. On the other hand, if you hardly complement people or situations even when they are according to your liking and you tend to find ways to complain in most situations which means that the percentage of complaints made by you is much higher than the percentage of complements given by you, you are definitely suffering from this problem of complaining too much and you certainly need to work on it.

After understanding the symptoms of this problem, let’s now try to understand the subconscious mechanism and reasons behind this problem of complaining too much. In order to understand it in the best possible way, let’s first try to understand as to when do people complain? Well, most people complain when they are not getting what they like and instead they are getting something they don’t like, which makes these people dissatisfied and hence they complain. So the key factor working behind a complaint as well as a complement is satisfaction or dissatisfaction, in most cases, as people tend to complement when they are satisfied with what they are getting and they tend to complain when they are dissatisfied with what they are getting.

Hence dissatisfaction lies at the root of all complaints as most of us complain when we are dissatisfied and it is does not become a problem as long as we also have the habit of giving complements when we are satisfied. Since the people suffering from this negative habit tend to complain in most situations and they hardly complement anyone or anything, and since all the complaints come from dissatisfactions, it means that the people suffering from this problem have developed a subconscious habit of being dissatisfied with most circumstances, things and people. Due to this subconscious habit, they feel dissatisfied in most circumstances and that is why they complain in most circumstances as they are dissatisfied. Hence the root of this problem lies in feeling dissatisfied in most circumstances and situations and this is where we need to work.

But why do these people feel dissatisfied in most circumstances? The answer to this question is that these people have developed a subconscious habit of feeling dissatisfied in most circumstances, and this answer gives rise to one more million dollar question. Why do and how do these people develop a subconscious habit of feeling dissatisfied in most circumstances? As usual with all other negative habits of the subconscious mind, the answer to this question also lies in patterns which were formed on the subconscious mind through continuous conscious acts of specific types.

This subconscious script of feeling dissatisfied in most circumstances is written on the subconscious mind due to more than one reason and we will now discuss some of the most common and strong reasons which can write this script on the subconscious mind. The first one of these reasons is the fact that a person suffering from this problem of dissatisfaction has gone through a long series of events which were dissatisfying, in his early years of this life or for a long period of time in his past life. These conscious experiences wrote a script on his mind that most people, things and circumstances are not going to bring anything good to him and instead they are going to do one bad thing or the other to him. Accordingly, his subconscious mind starts finding reasons for dissatisfaction in most circumstances since it is acting according to a script that most circumstance are going to bring dissatisfaction.

To understand this reason with the help of real life examples, let’s take a close look into the childhood of a person suffering from this problem. As a child, this person kept facing situation after situation for many years, where all these situations brought bad things or bad results to him due to which he was hurt and dissatisfied. For example, he did not have sufficient to eat many times during his childhood and whenever the time for a meal came, he knew that he was not going to be satisfied with the food as it was not going to be enough. All the times he was dissatisfied due to lack of proper food, these conscious acts of dissatisfaction sent messages to his subconscious mind that the food was supposed to dissatisfy, most of the time.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari

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Hence there is a great need to assign due importance to relaxation as well as to other important tasks in your life so that you are able to maintain a balance between your professional and personal life. When you keep ignoring your personal duties or relaxation in order to attend to more and more professional tasks, you keep sending more and more messages to your subconscious mind that you only want to pay attention to your profession and you are willing to ignore or even sacrifice any other important sphere of your life, in order to achieve desired results in your profession. As more and more such messages keep reaching your subconscious mind, a stage comes when your subconscious mind accepts this script and starts working according to it and it starts giving you what you kept asking from it.

Hence, your subconscious mind starts treating your profession as the most important thing in your life and as this problem gains strength, your subconscious mind starts treating your profession as the only important thing in your life. As a result, it starts motivating you to ignore all other tasks or people in your personal life so that you may devote more and more time and attention to your profession, in order to achieve more and more success. Hence you start ignoring relaxation, your personal duties and even the people who are dear to you due to which, problems start surfacing in these spheres of your life. Though you may keep achieving more and more success in your profession, the problems in other spheres of your life also keep gaining more and more strength and by the time you realize there is need to restore balance between your profession and other important spheres of your life, an irreversible damage has already been done in most cases.

There is no doubt that profession is one of the most important spheres of your life but it is not everything in your life and there are other important things too, which need your attention from time to time. As the saying goes ‘Excess of everything is bad’, working too much and ignoring the other important things and people in your life is also bad. Doing so not only causes problems in other spheres of your life but it may also affect your ability to work at your best, in many cases. This is because, once the problems start appearing in many spheres of your life, they start disturbing you and as you suffer more and more losses through those problems, your physical as well as mental output decreases as you are not the same strong and balanced person that you used to be. Hence your performance at work also drops.

Proper rest and due relaxation are very important to keep you healthy, both physically as well as mentally and therefore you should take due rest and relax yourself whenever it is needed. Many of you may have witnessed that when the players of a football team or cricket team play too many matches in a relatively short period of time, their performance drops and they start losing matches. This is because their schedules demand them to work too much and that overwork takes a toll on them since they are not able to rest and relax themselves as much as they need, in order to maintain their optimum level of performance. Accordingly, their performance starts dropping and as a result, they start losing more matches than they usually do. Some of these players even go on record and say that they have been playing too much in the recent times due to which their performances have dropped and they need a break to relax and hit the game again, with their strengths restored.

We all use mobile phones and various other gadgets which draw their energy from their batteries. In order for these gadgets to keep performing for us again and again, it is compulsory that the batteries of these gadgets are recharged at regular intervals as otherwise, they will lose all their power and stop supplying energy to the gadgets and accordingly, the gadgets will stop working.

Similarly, the cars we drive need fuel, maintenance and rest at regular intervals in order to perform at their optimum, and if any of the above mentioned ingredients is missing, our cars either don’t perform at their optimum or they don’t perform at all. For example, if you don’t get your car serviced for a long time, its performance starts dropping and you can feel that it is not working at its best. Likewise, if you keep running it for hours and hours without giving it the required amount of rest, it gets heated up more and more and a time comes when it refuses to move further until you let it cool down. Similarly, if you don’t get your car filled with fuel, it will consume all the fuel it already has, and once the entire fuel has been consumed, it refuses to work at all, until more fuel is given to it.

Just like our gadgets and cars, all the things and entities in this world need due amount of rest and resources in order to keep performing at their best. Same is the case with us humans and we also need due amount of rest and relaxation at regular intervals in order to keep performing at our best. Ignoring due amount of rest and relaxation and working too much will start decreasing your performance like a car which has not been maintained properly for a long period of time and that is why you should use due amount of rest and relaxation in order to recharge yourself and keep performing at your best.

Other problems with working too much are that you tend to ignore your family members as well as your health since you keep yourself busy with your work most of the time and accordingly you don’t find it important to pay due attention to your health and family. This starts creating problems in your family and as a result, you may have to witness heated arguments, frequent fights, no communication for long periods of time and in the worst cases, you may have to suffer the loss of an entire relationship.

Paying too much attention to professional work and ignoring your life partner is one of the primary reasons which cause so many divorces in this day and age. People are giving so much time and attention to their professional work that they keep ignoring their life partners and their needs again and again. Professional success has become the most important part of their lives for these people and they have become obsessed with their professions. All they want to do is to keep achieving more and more success in their professions and accordingly they keep achieving it as their subconscious minds will always support them in achieving the thing they want to achieve the most.

But this success comes at the cost of relationships and the relationship of a husband and wife is the one which takes maximum damage from this obsession with work, in most cases. This is because the institution of marriage demands a good amount of time, care and attention from both parties in order to keep running smoothly, and the people obsessed with working too much are usually not able to give any of these things as much as they are required. Many times, I have come across couples who have had major issues when one of the two gets a promotion plus a transfer to another state. The partner getting this promotion asks the other one to relocate whereas the other one refuses to relocate as doing so will cause problems and setbacks in his or her professional sphere.

This is a situation where one of the two has to take a professional loss or make a professional compromise in order to keep having a happy marriage, but none of the two is willing to make a compromise or take a loss in most such cases, and both of them expect the other one to make that compromise. It’s strange how you expect your near and dear ones to make sacrifices and compromises for you when you are yourself not willing to make the same sacrifices and compromises for them. In some of these cases, one party unwillingly makes a compromise or takes a loss seeing no other option is available, and this forced compromise gives rise to grudges which will definitely hurt this marriage, sooner or later. In some of these cases, such professional issues eventually break a marriage as none of the two is willing to make professional compromises in order to keep their marriage healthy.

The reason is obvious, these people have become too much focused and too much obsessed with their professions that they are willing to take any losses in order to keep achieving more professional success, even though such losses may mean their life partners asking for a divorce. You should understand that your profession is just a part of your life and it is not your entire life and accordingly you should pay due attention to other spheres of your life also along with paying due attention to your profession. Always remember that a good life lies in a good mix of everything from each sphere of your life and too much of anything will ruin your life, in most cases. So take a balanced approach towards life and stop letting your work ruin your personal life.

In order to treat this problem of too much work, start maintaining a schedule for your work as well as rest and relaxation. For example, if you are in a job where the working hours are 10 hours a day and five days a week, make sure that you don’t do your professional work apart from those 10 hours a day on weekdays. Stop doing overtime and especially stop bringing home your office work as doing so can seriously disturb your family life because no husband, wife or kids want you to be the office guy even when you are at home with them, after working long hours at the office. Use this time to relax yourself, take some rest and spend some time with your family members or friends so that you may attend to some of their needs, which strengthens your relationship with them.

The days when you don’t have to go to your office like weekly holidays, plan them in a way that you are able to spend this time partly in relaxing, resting and entertaining yourself, and partly in attending to the needs and demands of your family members. For example, if your wife and kids want you to take them to a movie and a dinner afterwards, don’t keep yourself busy with work on holidays and instead take your family to a movie and treat them with a nice dinner afterwards. Likewise, you can read a book, surf on internet, watch a movie or some other TV program, go for swimming, help your wife with some domestic tasks, listen to her and help her making decisions on some family matters or matters related to her profession, play with your kids, help them in studies and do many more such things which may look small and avoidable to you but which in reality are the keys to a happy life.

Always keep in mind that professional success can only bring you more and more rewards which means that you can afford to enjoy more and more, but in order to enjoy more and more, you must develop an attitude or a subconscious habit to enjoy and relax and that is why you need to enjoy and relax every now and then. Most professional offices across the globe give you weekly holidays and they keep your daily working hours limited, only to make sure that you get sufficient time to relax and rest properly in order to keep performing at your best as otherwise, what is the point in offering weekly holidays if all you want to do on those holidays is to work more from home.

Many people keep working too much thinking that they will start enjoying once they achieve a particular level of success which they have set for themselves. This is a very bad approach as these people keep working more and more, avoiding relaxation and enjoyment more and more, in order to reach the level of success they want to achieve and by the time they achieve that level of success, if they ever achieve, they have developed a subconscious habit of not enjoying and relaxing at all. It means that through those repeated conscious acts of working too much and relaxing little, they have written a strong script on their subconscious minds, which says that work is everything and enjoyment, relaxation or even family is nothing compared to it.

Hence when they reach that particular level of success, they will not be able to enjoy and relax as they don’t have a habit of enjoying and relaxing, and instead they have a habit of working too much. As a result, the subconscious mind of such a person will convince him to set another professional target instead of enjoying, whenever he achieves an already set professional goal. It’s funny how people decide to enjoy and relax only when they will reach a certain level of success, not knowing that like all other good and bad habits of the subconscious mind, proper relaxation and enjoyment are also subconscious habits and not the things you can master all at once. How can you be able to enjoy and relax after a certain point when you have been intentionally avoiding all such relaxation, enjoyment and rest which kept coming your way from time to time, as and when they were due.

You simply won’t be able to enjoy at that particular time or anytime in your life for that matter because you have written a script on your subconscious mind that you want to work too much and you don’t want to relax or enjoy. Accordingly, your subconscious mind gives you million reasons not to enjoy and billion reasons to work more, whenever you achieve a target that you had set and you had decided to start relaxing and enjoying after achieving that target.

So if you want to relax and enjoy in future, build and maintain this habit in the present as it is not going to happen otherwise. It should be noted that engaging in relaxation and enjoyment doesn’t mean not working at all or working little and relaxing more and more, as that will itself become a problem. Hence you should organize all important spheres of your life in such a way that your life becomes a balanced mix of all of them, and too much of none of them. So build your life in such a way that you can pay due attention to your professional work, family and family affairs, rest, relaxation, enjoyment, health and other important aspects of your life. The best type of life is a balanced life and not the type of life which tries to touch one extreme whether that extreme is working too much or not working at all, relaxing a little or relaxing too much and other such extremes. So avoid the extremes and try to reach and maintain a balance between all important spheres of your life.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari

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In the previous part of this book, we discussed the negative habit of laziness and now we are going to discuss the habit of working too much. Some readers may wonder how laziness as well as working a lot, are both negative habits as they seem to be opposite to each other and the opposite of a negative habit should be a positive habit. Therefore, let’s first get this concept sorted out before moving forward with the discussion about the negative habit of working too much.

Laziness and working too much may seem opposite habits but they are not and instead, they are the opposite extremes of the same negative habit which is basically the inability to strike a proper balance between the amount of work you do and the amount of rest you take. It means if you rest too much and work only a little, you have the negative habit of laziness whereas if you work too much and take little rest, you have the negative habit of working too much. It should be easy to understand now that in case of both these negative habits, one thing is common and that thing is the inability to strike a proper balance between the amount of work you do and the amount of rest you take. Whenever this balance shifts too much towards relaxation, you become lazy and whenever this balance shifts too much towards work, you become a workaholic. So laziness and working too much are the two sides of the same negative habit which is the inability to balance your work and rest.

I know some of you may think that working too much is fine and some may even think that it is a very good habit to have but it is not. Working too much may come with its benefits like achieving more success in your profession or in some other spheres of your life, but this habit comes with a variety of negative effects which start hurting you slowly at first but which keep gaining strength with time and by the time you realize that this habit is hurting you, a good amount of damage is already done in most cases.

In order to understand the concept of this negative habit properly, let’s first try to establish the proper definition of success because people who work too much, usually do so to achieve more and more success or simply to achieve a goal or target. A simple and prevalent definition of success says that if you achieve a goal that you wished to achieve, whether you have done so after much hard work or you have done so easily, you have achieved success. This definition seems correct in itself as achieving what you want to achieve should be nothing else but success.

Yes, this definition of success is correct but it is not complete and it is incomplete. The complete definition of success is achieving what you wish to achieve minus the cost that you pay for that particular success. The term ‘Cost’ in this definition means any type of effort, money, skill and other such things that you put in to achieve this success as well as the losses you take to achieve this success. This modified definition now means that the amount of success achieved by you will be calculated after subtracting your efforts and losses from net value of that success. It means that if various people achieve the same goal which rewards them all with the same quantum, the net success achieved by all these people is still different depending on the resources used by them and the losses taken by them to achieve this success.

For example, if you sell a product for 100 dollars, your net profit will be calculated after deducting the purchase cost of this produce plus the expenses you incurred to sell this product. If you purchased this product for 80 dollars and 10 dollars were spent towards the expenses, your net profit is 10 dollars as the total cost of this product is 90 dollars for you and you sell it for 100 dollars, which means a profit of 10 dollars. However if someone else sells the same product for 100 dollars when their purchase cost is 80 dollars and overhead expenses are 25 dollars, they will not get any profit in this case as the total of purchase price and overhead expenses for this product is 105 dollars in this case and they sell it for 100 dollars. This means that the second person is facing a loss of 5 dollars and not a profit of 10 dollars like the first person, though both of them have sold the same product for same amount.

Likewise, a third person can witness a profit of 5 dollars, a fourth one can witness a profit of 20 dollars and another one can witness a loss of 10 dollars by selling the same product for the same price, depending on the total of purchase cost plus overheads that they incurred towards this product. Though everyone is selling the same product for the same price and the resultant success seems to be the same from a distance, when we take a closer look, we find that everyone’s success is different and some of them are facing losses even. So the net amount of success is not what you have achieved but it is what you have achieved, minus what you have invested and what you have lost in order to achieve this success.

Let’s now look at this example from a different angle to understand more about how this concept works and in order to do so, let’s now look at it from the buyer’s point of view instead of looking at it from seller’s point of view. Suppose one person buys this produce for 100 dollars from a shop close to his house, another person buys it from an online store which charges 4 dollars for shipping apart from 100 dollars as the cost of this product and yet another person purchases the same product online with 100 dollars as the cost of this product and 7 dollars as shipping charges. It is easy to understand that though all the three persons have purchased the same product, the overall cost of this product is different for them.

Hence the net amount of success you achieve in any sphere of your life is calculated after deducting the resources spent and losses taken, from it. Therefore it is wise to keep in mind that a particular success holds good value for you only if the net amount of resources spent and losses taken to achieve this success are less or far less than the value delivered by this success. On the other hand, if you have spent more resources and taken more losses to achieve a particular success than the value delivered by that success, the net equation does not correspond to a success but it corresponds to a loss.

Quoting a real life example, a person has been working with a company for many years and this person has been working day and night to achieve a top position in this company and in order to do so, he has been ignoring all other spheres of his life for many years now, as his eyes are focused on his target. This person has recently become vice-president in this company whereas there is another person working for the same company who started working for the company about a year before the first person did, and this second person is still holding a rank lower than the vice-president. Looking from a distance, the first person obviously seems to have achieved more success than the second one and it seems that his habit of working too much has paid off as he has achieved more success, but this equation will change altogether when we dig deep into the actual amount of success achieved by these two people.

The first person has already had two divorces and the primary reason for both these marriages to fail was that he did not give sufficient amount of time and care to his wives and at times, he ignored them altogether even when they needed him very much. Whenever his wives asked his attention or presence for some important affair, he was busy with work and so he made excuses and ignored them. He kept working overtime and late till nights in order to achieve a top position in his company and after many years of working too much, he did achieve his target or so to say, he became successful.

But this success has cost him two broken marriages and he is alone at this time. Apart from this, he is facing some health issues which have appeared due to his habit of working too much and in doing so, not eating properly and not taking proper rest. Moving on, he has developed a habit of drinking a lot on daily basis which according to him is a good way of getting rid of his loneliness and bitter memories of his two marriages. This guy now misses his first wife a lot, he regrets his decision of not giving her proper attention and care, and he wishes he could do something to fix certain broken things, but past is always past and no one can change it.

The second person even though achieved less visible success than the first person, he is having a good marriage and he is blessed with a loving wife and two lovely kids. Though this person too devoted the required time to his job, he knew the value of family, health and other important aspects of his life and he didn’t want to sacrifice any of these aspects in order to achieve more success in his profession. So he did his job with honesty and that honesty got him many promotions, but he gave due time and attention to his wife, family, health and enjoyment also and as a result, he is a happy man with a good marriage, good health and a positive mindset.

So you see, even though the first person seems to have achieved more at the first glance, it turns out that the second person is indeed more successful as he has not paid any unwanted cost to achieve his success and he has also not taken any losses to achieve his success. On the other hand, the first person has invested much more to achieve somewhat more success and he has also taken big losses on the front of his marriage, family, health and mindset which has now become negative and he has started questioning the value of this success which was what he wanted the most at a time. Hence the second person has achieved good amount of net success whereas the first person seems to have taken losses which have a value far greater than the value of the success he has achieved. Therefore, the cost to be paid for a particular success must be calculated before working towards that success as the cost paid may be higher or much higher than the value delivered by that particular success.

After establishing the true definition of success and understanding it well, let’s now discuss the original topic which deals with having the negative habit of working too much. The people suffering from this problem usually work too much in order to achieve one kind of professional success or the other and in doing so, they don’t pay the required attention to the other important spheres of their lives as already mentioned above. This practice starts creating problems in other spheres of their lives and though they may get good results in their professions, they suffer on other important fronts of their lives. When that happens, the overall quality of their lives goes down, the impact of which starts reflecting on their professional sphere also, sooner or later, in many cases.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari

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Similarly you avoid doing many other such things instead of liking them a lot, like; you want to try a particular type of hair style which you like and which may look odd to your nears and dears; you want to enter a contest say cooking contest but you’re afraid of what other people will think about you if you fail; you want to invite a friend of opposite gender to your house but you are afraid that your spouse or kids may recent this friend’s visit; you want to make friends of opposite gender on Facebook and interact with them but you are afraid that your husband or wife may create a scene if he or she finds it out; you want to watch a porn movie but you are afraid that your wife may react badly if she finds you watching such a movie; you want to spend a night out with your friends of same gender but you fear that your husband or wife may not allow it; you want to watch a movie with your friends of both genders but you are afraid that your husband or wife may not allow it.

Continuing with the examples, you want to pursue a career in sports, singing, acting or any other field but you’re afraid that your parents will not allow it and they will push you for studies, as is obvious from their expectations from you; you want to marry a girl from a different religion as you love her but you are afraid that your family will not approve of it; you want to move out of a miserable and torturous marriage but you are afraid that your family will not stand by this decision of yours; you don’t want to go to a particular place or meet a particular person or family but you can’t stop doing so under the pressure of your family members; you want to try a new line of profession which you like and you think you can be successful at it but you don’t try it as you fear that your near and dear ones may not approve of this decision of yours; you want to try non-vegetarian food but you are afraid that your traditionally vegetarian family will make it an issue, and many other such activities that you want to engage in but you don’t, due to your own fears, denial of permissions from elders or lack of support from your near and dear ones.

All these conscious acts of staying away from the things you want to do, due to fears, lack of support or for other such reasons, keep building more and more grudges inside you and they also keep sending messages of dislike for some specific people around you. As this keeps happening, you keep building more and more negativity inside you and once this negativity becomes too much to be contained within you, it breaks the boundaries and starts coming out in form of sudden bursts of frustration and anger. Though this frustration should ideally be taken out on people who caused it directly or indirectly in the first place, sometimes you are able to do so and sometimes you are not able to do so due to various reasons. When second is the case, this frustration makes many innocent people around you its victims, instead of going to the people who were a reason behind building this frustration.

This is the point where this problem starts hurting you as much as it can and you start offending, hurting and pushing people away from you. Hence this problem should be treated properly and reduced as much as it can be, so that you don’t have to live a life full of grudges and regrets which keep troubling you most of the time and which also trouble other people near you, as and when these grudges come out in form of frustration or anger.

Coming to the treatment for this negative habit, the root cause of holding too many grudges lies in imposing two types of restrictions on yourself where the first type is imposed on you by yourself and the second type is imposed by other people around you. For example, when you choose not to go for a particular type of hair style merely by being afraid of what other people will think about this hair style, even though you like this hair style a lot, you are putting the first type of restriction on yourself. It means that no one else is actually stopping you from having this type of hair style and it is only the fears inside you which are doing this job for you. Many other activities explained above also fall into this category where you don’t do something you like merely because of fears of your mind.

On the other hand, when you choose to study more though you want to make a career in acting and you are doing so under the pressure of your parents, it is the second type of restriction. In this case, you really want to do something and you are not afraid of going for it, but your parents don’t support you and they pressurize you to pursue studies instead of going for acting. You fail to convince them and you have to follow their directions which you don’t like at all. This is a case of type two restriction because this time, you are staying away from something you want to do, not due to fears of your own mind, but you are doing so due to restrictions imposed on you by other people in authority.

Hence you first need to identify the type of restrictions put on you and then start the treatment. In case of first type of restrictions which have been imposed by yourself, simply start doing small things that you want to do and fear at the same time, at the first level of this treatment. For example, if you want to wear a pair of worn-out jeans, go ahead and start wearing them and don’t bother about what people will think about you. Yes, some of them may not approve of it and some of them may even give you looks of disapproval or mocking looks but don’t care and enjoy wearing your jeans. You have simply done two good things to you where the first one is that you have done what you wanted and you have killed one grudge even before being born.

The second one is that though there may be some people who don’t approve of your jeans, there will always be some people or many people who approve and like your jeans. So you receive approvals along with disapprovals and this teaches you one more valuable lesson. For most things that you do, there will always be people who disapprove them and there will always be people who approve them. All you have to do is to focus on people who approve your actions and ignore the people who don’t like your actions. As you keep doing so, you gain more and more confidence to try out many things that you want to do but you are afraid of what other people will think.

Similarly, you can try other small activities of this type many of which have already been mentioned above and as you start doing more and more of these activities, you will find that not only is the number of grudges inside you decreasing but your confidence and courage to try many things that you like, is also increasing. As your confidence and courage increase, you are capable of doing somewhat bigger things which you want to do but you’re afraid of your own fears. You can increase the level of difficulty slowly and you can start doing more and more things that you like and fear. As it keeps happening, the number of grudges and regrets will start dropping and accordingly, the frustration and anger will start reducing too.

Coming to the treatment of type two restrictions which have been imposed on you by other people, they are somewhat difficult to treat as in this case, you are not the one who needs treatment and it is the people imposing such restrictions on you who need the treatment. So this treatment follows two methods one of which is to convince your near and dear ones or people in authority to allow you to do things that you want to do. The best way to achieve this goal is to seek help from someone really wise in your circle who is valued by your parents, spouse or someone else you want to convince. Explain your passion and interest for the thing you want to do and ask him to convince your people so that they may allow you to do this thing.

This trick works in many such cases as a wise man will always understand that what you like the most and what you really want to do is the best thing for you to do and accordingly, he will try his best to convince your people to allow you to do it. Since your people value the advice of this person and he is a wise person, the chances are good that he will be able to convince your people in your favor and you may get to do the thing that you want to do. Hence you should always build relationships with wise people around you who are valued by people near you and who can do this job as and when the time comes.

If however, you don’t have any such person in your circle and you fail to convince your people to let you do what you want to do, a grudge has to follow in this case as there is nothing you can do to avoid this grudge. Now that this grudge has come to you, there are two things that you can do to reduce the damage done by this grudge as much as you can. The first thing is to keep reducing the overall number of grudges by doing as many things you like as you can, because doing so will give you a far bigger number of happy moments than the number of grudges and that will help you dealing with an odd and unavoidable grudge coming your way every now and then.

The second way of reducing the level of frustration given by such grudges is to start helping other people avoid having such grudges. For example, if someone’s parents are stopping him from doing a thing which he really wants to do, which doesn’t look like a bad thing to you and his parents value your opinion, try to convince his parents to allow their son to do this thing. If you succeed in convincing the parents to allow their son to do the thing that he wants to do, you will find that though it is the son who has been allowed to do this thing, your level of frustration as well as the intensity of your grudge has also reduced.

This is because, if you are not able to do something for any reason and that builds frustration inside you, part of that frustration goes away if you can help someone else do something they really want to do. This is why you see in some movies that someone is helping someone, even when the first character doesn’t know the second character very well. When the second character asks the first one why he is helping him, the first character says he wanted to do the same or similar thing very much but he could not do it and so he is helping him do this thing as that will give him satisfaction. Yes, that does bring some satisfaction whenever you do so and the positive energy given by this type of satisfaction is the exact opposite of the negative energy given by grudges. It means that by helping other people doing what they really want to do, you can gain satisfaction and reduce the level of frustration building inside you.

By paying attention to the above mentioned methods of treatment, you can reduce and even get rid of grudges, regrets and frustrations building inside you so that you may live a better life and the people around you may not become the victims of the frustration or anger produced by such grudges and regrets. While going through this treatment, care should be taken that you should first engage in the smallest activities and then start building from there. Don’t try to do big things at the first level or the things which are too big for a particular level you are at, as doing so will give rise to resistance which is much bigger than what you can handle at that level and you will fail accordingly. Such failures will reduce your level of confidence and make the treatment less effective. Hence start from the smallest activities and then start increasing the resistance little by little.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari

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Imagine suddenly coming across a girl who was in the same class with you in college ten years back, who you wanted to be friends with and who rejected your proposal of friendship when you went to her and shared your feelings. Though you may still like this girl after ten years, you will not have a strong feeling of regret when you see her after this long period of time. This is because you liked her, you did what was right on your part by going to her and letting her know about your feelings, she didn’t like your proposal and she refused. In this case, you know two things for sure, first one being that you did your best and the second one being, the girl surely didn’t like you at that time. The first feeling gives you satisfaction that you tried your best and the second feeling gives you a confirmation that the girl didn’t like you back then which means you didn’t have any chance with her. These two feelings help you a lot in moving forward with your life and that too without regrets.

On the other hand, if you liked this girl in college and really wanted to be friends with her but you could not do so as you feared she might reject you, your heart might be broken or your friends might have laughed upon you, you surely get many regrets. In this case, when you see this girl after ten years, all those memories come back to you and start giving you regrets due to two reasons. The first one is the fact that you didn’t do what was required of you and so you can’t blame your luck, for you not being with her whereas the second one is the fact that the girl might actually have liked you and she might have said yes to your friendship proposal, had you gone to her and expressed your wish.

These two feelings will start making you uncomfortable as they start reminding you of your lack of courage as well as about the possibilities of you with this girl, had a friendship happened. Moving one step further, suppose you go to this girl who may be married now and may be having a kid with her, say hello to her and introduce yourself as her classmate. She recognizes you and talks to you and you two may have a chat over coffee. As you talk to her now, you may be surprised to know that she likes talking to you now and you may also find out that she may have liked you back in college also.

After this incident, the girl is gone but you are doomed for sure because you are now left with the worst type of regret. You start thinking that the girl could have become your girlfriend or even your wife, had you had the courage to go to her and let her know about your intentions. You are now left with this regret that you had good chances of achieving this goal, had you tried back then, and nothing is worse than this regret which tells you that you could have easily achieved a target, had you tried. This regret tells you that your failure had got nothing to do with luck or anything like it, but it was purely due to the reason that you didn’t try at all.

And though I have explained only an incidence about this situation when you meet this girl after ten years and build many regrets, many of these regrets may have already been building and living inside you through all those ten years, and this incidence has only given more strength to those regrets. It means that long before you meet this girl now, those regrets had already built inside you and they kept telling you again and again that you lost a beautiful girl who you really liked a lot and who also could have liked you, merely because you did not put in the due effort at the right time.

Let’s now look into the small day to day things which we consciously do at times, then we keep doing them and as a result, they render us a habit of welcoming more and more grudges. Among the most common types of small activities which give us more and more regrets; you want to buy and wear a particular type of dress which may be a bit too much to handle for your family or social circle and therefore you avoid it as you don’t want to sound strange to them and you don’t want them to mock you or criticize you for wearing this dress. To make it easier to understand, it could be a pair of low-waste worn-out jeans that you want to wear when you belong to a conservative family or you may be more than 50 years of age and your family members don’t like you wearing such jeans.

As you decide not to wear these jeans despite liking them very much, primarily due to the reason that you don’t want to be criticized or mocked by your family members or other people around you who don’t believe in wearing such jeans, you have given birth to a grudge. By doing so, you not only give birth to a grudge inside you but you also send a message to your subconscious mind that family and friends demand sacrifices and you have to stay away from things that they don’t like even if you like those things a lot. As you keeping coming across such jeans in your day to day life, whenever you see someone wearing them, your grudge gains more strength and this thought again comes to your mind that you are not able to wear such jeans only due to fear of your family or friends.

As this grudge keeps gaining strength and as more such grudges are born inside you, they keep sending signals to your subconscious mind that family and friends demand sacrifice and in order to keep them happy, you have to abstain from indulging in certain activities, even if you like them a lot. As these messages keep reaching your subconscious mind again and again, a script of restlessness or discontent against your family is written on it. As a result, you may find yourself arguing or disagreeing with your family members more than usual. You will tend to argue or disagree with those members of your family or friends the most, which came to your mind when you wanted to purchase those jeans and only due to them, you had to drop the idea. Since they were the ones who indirectly stopped you from doing what you wanted to do, your subconscious tendency to disagree with them more and more, even on general matters, will increase.

This is due to the fact that through those grudges, your subconscious mind has understood that those family members were the ones who kept you away from doing something you really liked. Hence your subconscious mind considers those family members as hurdles in your life as you are not able to do many things in your life merely due to the fear of those family members. Moving on, this negative energy is likely to come out in two ways against your family members or friends, in most cases. The first one tells you to move away from them so that you may do what you really like whereas the second one tells you to prove them wrong again and again so that their opinions lose value and they may not be able to stop you from doing what you want to do. At the same time, proving them wrong again and again also helps you asserting yourself that since they are more often wrong than right, they were wrong in stopping you from wearing those jeans also.

As you understand that taking the first step which is to move away from your family members is not an easy one as there are many other factors behind the strength and longevity of these relations, your subconscious mind chooses the second option which is easier out of the two. As a result, you tend to disagree with these family members on increasing number of issues, though you may not be able to understand the reason for these increasing disagreements. This is due because all this practice of grudges coming out in form of disagreements or occasional anger, is being carried out by your subconscious mind and as you already know by now, the activities carried out by your subconscious mind seem naturally happening to you and you don’t seem to find specific conscious reasons for them.

Many of you must be amazed how keeping yourself away from just a pair of jeans due to the fear of some specific members of your family or friends can give birth to grudges and how it can instigate your subconscious mind to provoke you in disagreeing with them or arguing with them, more often. This is the reason why you should give birth to minimum number of grudges or regrets as they are silent killers which don’t seem to do any instant or short term damage in most cases, but they are potentially dangerous for filling you with poison and then provoking you to take out that poison on some specific people or things. As that happens again and again, the distance between you and your dear ones increases and if this keeps happening, a stage may approach when this distance may become too long to cover and you may have to choose paths different than your near and dear ones in question.

It should however be noted that the above example has only been mentioned to make you better understand how the theory of building grudges and incurring damages through them works. It is practically not possible to see very bad results merely on the basis of this one type of grudge which comes by not wearing the jeans you like, due to the fear of your family members. This is just one of those many grudges which come to you in your day to day life, by virtue of you abstaining from more and more things, activities or people you like, due to fear or pressure from your near and dear ones. Any one of these grudges alone is not capable of causing big problems for you but many of them working together can cause big problems or even break the best of the relationships you may have.

Hence the number of grudges against anyone or anything is inversely proportional to your chances of going well with that person or thing. It means that the more grudges you hold against someone or something, the more subconscious reasons you have, to disagree or dislike that person or thing. As the number of grudges against a person or thing keeps increasing and as it reaches a specific point, your dislike for that person or thing reaches its peak and accordingly, you disengage from that person or thing completely.

Let’s now look into some other day to day activities and examples through which many people tend to build many new grudges inside them and these grudges eventually hurt them in one sphere of their lives or the other. Suppose you like to dance but you don’t know how to dance well and so you want to take dance lessons. The problem again is the fact that you may either not obtain permission for such dance classes or you may be mocked by some of your near and dears for going to such dance classes and due to any one of these reasons, you are not able to go to these dance classes. As you understand by now, a new grudge is born inside you and the target of this grudge are once again the people who either did won’t allow you or who you fear will make fun of you if you go to such dance lessons.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari

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There are many people in this world who hold so many grudges and frustrations within them that it becomes difficult for them to be happy and perform at their best in many spheres of their lives. This is because the more grudges and frustrations you hold inside you, the more negative energy is added to your aura as grudges and frustrations are negative traits and they keep adding specific type of negative energy to your aura thereby making it difficult for you to perform at your best and be happy. Increasing number of people are getting afflicted with this negative habit in this day and age and therefore it becomes important to know more about this negative habit and about the ways to treat it.

The people suffering from this problem can often be seen grinning and grudging about many things and people around them and as this problem intensifies, they start having grudges about themselves also. For example, when you ask them how are things at their job, they may reply with something like ‘Oh, it’s all right though things are not as good as I want them to be, maybe something’s wrong with this job, maybe something’s wrong with me or maybe I don’t like this job, I don’t know.’ They may also tell you how some of their colleagues are doing very good at the same job and how after all their efforts, they are not able to produce the same results or they are not receiving as much credit for their work as they should, and some other grudges related to their job.

Taking another case, when you ask such a person about how his or her marriage or love life is doing, and let’s say her love life, she may once again come up with many grudges and frustrations. She may say something like ‘Well, it’s not going bad though I wish it was better! I mean I try to do my best to make it work but something is not going right and I feel like we are not as happy with each other as we should be. Sometimes I think he’s not the right man for me as he doesn’t take as good care of me as he should, whereas sometimes I think I’m not good enough for him as I’m not able to make him as happy as I should. Maybe we are both not right for each other, maybe this relationship is not meant to go all the way or maybe something else that I don’t know.’

Taking another case, when you ask such a person about how his son is performing at studies, he may once again mention many grudges and frustrations through his answer. This person will say something like ‘He’s doing all right, I guess, though not as good as he should be or as many other students in his class are doing. Maybe I’m not able to provide him with as many resources as the parents of other students in his class are providing them with, maybe we are not doing our best to motivate him for studies and to make him understand the topics well, maybe he is not that much interested in studies to start with or maybe I’m expecting a bit too much from him.’ There are many other maybes that this person may come up with. Here again the answer given by this person is full of grudges due to which instead of simply telling whether his son is doing well or not, he is telling many other things which are not required to be a part of his answer and some of which may not be true even, and they may just be his assumptions.

In the same way, there are many other examples from various spheres of life where these people are found expressing their grudges and frustrations instead of simply replying to what is asked from them. Due to such grudges and frustrations which often come out through their conversations or answers, these people start giving out a vibe of being frustrated, depressed and pessimists. As people around such natives feel these negative vibes again and again, they avoid talking to them much or being in their company as they know that these people are only going to give them more ways to feel depressed and make complaints. Slowly but surely, the people suffering from this negative habit start driving away most people around them and as this starts happening and keeps happening, their grudges and frustrations start increasing even more. It becomes a vicious circle where they push most people away from them due to this negative habit of too many grudges and as more and more people move away from them, their grudges and frustrations increase in number.

Looking at the root cause of this problem in order to identify it properly, holding too many grudges and frustrations is a specific branch of the bigger problem of negative attitude which has already been discussed in first part of this book. This problem is caused when a person lacks confidence and courage to do certain small things or he keeps himself away from such activities under some kind of pressure, and he chooses not to do those activities. These activities are the ones which he wants to do but he doesn’t do because of lack of confidence, lack of courage, fears or inhibitions whichever of these ones is his problem. As he wants to do these things but he still doesn’t do them, a negative energy starts building inside this person due to which he starts realizing that he is not good enough to do certain things or he is being kept away from doing certain things, and this starts building grudges and frustrations inside him.

For example, you like to sing and you want to sing a song at a party that you are attending but only due to your fears or inhibitions, you don’t sing this song. These fears may come in the form of inner voices which can scare you on the context of ‘what will people think about you’, ‘what if they don’t like your song’ or ‘you may become a laughing stock if you sing this song’; and you back away from singing this song. So you really want to sing this song but you don’t and this is what starts building a specific type of negative energy inside you in the form of grudges. Due to these grudges, you may start thinking that maybe you are not good enough to sing a song, maybe many people don’t want you to sing and many other maybes. Such thought further bring more negativity to your thought pattern and personality.

Similarly, you want to talk to a girl who may be a classmate, colleague or any other girl that you like and you wish to talk to her so that you may explore the possibilities of a relationship with this girl. Though you have a strong desire to talk to this girl but you don’t do it once again due to the similar types of fears like, ‘what if she doesn’t respond in the way I expect’, ‘if she rejects me, my heart will be broken’, ‘if I don’t succeed, other people like her friends and my friends will laugh at me’, and many other such types of fears which prevent you from going to this girl and talk to her. You see this girl again and again due to various circumstances and you really want to talk to her but you don’t, and this starts building grudges and frustrations inside you and you start feeling restless.

As you don’t talk to this girl even when you have many chances to do so every now and then, someone else goes to her and expresses his wish to know her better. The girl accepts and she starts seeing this guy. This is where your problem witnesses a great rise because you have lost a chance to be with someone you really like by not doing the right thing at the right time. Many grudges and frustrations start building inside you which start giving you negative thoughts about yourself, the guy this girl is seeing and even about this girl herself and this is where more negativity starts building.

Such negativity may come in the form of inner voices which may say something like, ‘maybe I was not good enough for this girl’, ‘maybe the other guy is better than me and that is why the girl is with him and not with me’, and many other such thoughts which keep coming to you and all they do is raise the number of your grudges and the level of your frustration. These grudges and frustrations give you a specific type of negative attitude towards life that fate or destiny doesn’t have many good things or people for you in reserve and it is not playing fair with you whereas it is giving unjustified benefits to the others.

In reality, these are your thoughts and assumptions only and they may not have anything to do with the truth. For example, people may have liked your song a lot and appreciated you, had you shown enough courage to stand up and sing. Likewise, this girl may have been your girlfriend or even wife, had you shown the courage to go to her and expressed your feelings for her. It could be that the girl may also have liked you but she kept waiting for you to make the first move which you never made due to which she accepted a friendship request made by someone else. The scenarios in these two examples as well as in many other spheres of your life may have been different, had you done the right thing at right time instead of holding back due to your fears and inhibitions.

Understand this fact that in most cases, you will build grudges inside you only when an opportunity comes your way, you like it and you want to engage in it but you don’t do so. On the contrary, if you engage in an opportunity you like, you can either succeed or fail in it. In the first case, you will get what you wanted and so no grudges whereas in the second case, you tried your best and failed which gives you a feeling of satisfaction that even though the opportunity did not work for you, you did the best you could, and this gives you more satisfaction than grudges. Grudges are generally not the results of failures but they are the results of regrets.

Speaking about regret, it usually doesn’t come to you when you try to do something and that thing either happens or does not happen. Regrets come to you when you really want to do something but you don’t give it even a try, as many fears inside you stop you from doing so. Hence this opportunity comes your way and you don’t give it your best, instead you let it pass by you and this is what causes regrets and grudges.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari

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Hence your subconscious mind makes you give reactions like facing away or having feelings of disgust or dislike, whenever you come across someone or something you didn’t like at all and you did conscious acts to avoid this person or thing, in the past. These conscious acts of avoiding specific people and things sent messages to your subconscious mind that you didn’t want to focus on people or things you don’t like and you want to use any possible ways or distractions to avoid these people or things. As your subconscious mind kept receiving these messages and as it adapted itself according to these messages, it started helping you out in moving away from people or things you didn’t like and in doing so, it started suggesting you various distractions to keep your focus away from such people or things you disliked.

Though your purpose is served and your subconscious mind is now helping you move away from any person or thing you don’t like, this whole script written on your subconscious mind, has another meaning also, which has to be read between the lines. Through all your conscious acts of shifting your focus away from people and things you don’t like, you have trained your subconscious mind to distract you away from people or things you don’t like. This comes as a great help whenever you are in one such situation as your subconscious mind finds many ways to get out of this situation but at the same time, this script comes with a side effect too.

Whenever you try to do something that you really don’t like but you still want to go ahead with it and do it, your subconscious mind does not help you in such practice and instead, it puts resistance in your path and tries its best to distract you from that thing or task. This is because you have trained it to help you shift your focus away from a thing or a person you don’t like. As you subconscious mind suggests you more and more ways to move away from this act, you start losing your focus as there are many things now and you are not able to focus on one particular thing.

It means that by asking your subconscious mind to help you in situations when you don’t like and you don’t want to do something, you are also training it to put resistance whenever you don’t like a thing but you still want to do it. As already mentioned, you can’t train your subconscious mind to do different things in similar situations in most cases, and you can only train it to behave in a certain specific way, in a certain specific situation. It means you can either train it to help you out in liking or carrying on with people, things, places or activities that you really don’t like or you can train it to distract you whenever you engage in any one of these acts that you don’t like.

Since doing the first act which means trying to like most things, people, places or activities you really don’t like, is not a natural choices of most people; we have to go with the second option in most cases. It means that most of us train our subconscious minds in a way that they help us shifting our focus away from things or people we don’t like. As we have trained our subconscious minds for this practice, we should not only expect their help whenever we fall in situations we don’t like but we should also expect resistance put by our subconscious minds whenever we don’t like a situation but we still want to go ahead with it.

Now that we have looked into the two main reasons which cause and promote the negative habit of lack of concentration, it is the time to look for remedies which can help treating this habit. As far as the first reason is concerned, you should stop doing two or more than two things at a time and you should instead start building a habit of doing one thing at a time. At the first level of this treatment, simply start with the practice that you will not attend to anything or anyone else while you are having your major meals. Stop watching TV, talking on mobile and all other such activities which demand attention or focus, while you are eating your meal and try your best to consciously focus on your food and food alone.

By disengaging from all other activities and by consciously engaging in your food, you will start sending messages to your subconscious mind that you now want to focus on one thing at a time and you want this focus to be complete and undivided. In order to get the most from this act of eating a meal, try to make it more and more conscious so that stronger signals may be sent to your subconscious mind through this conscious act of yours. In order to make this act more conscious, try to focus on your food items as much as you can and try to consciously feel the taste and flavor of each and every food item. Try to feel what flavors may be present in a food item like ginger, onion, tomato, garlic, specific herbs, specific cooking oil, specific spices and other such flavors.

The more you consciously try to enjoy your food and get into the details of flavors contained in different food items, the stronger signals you send to your subconscious mind that when you engage in an act, you want to concentrate on it with as much strength and ability as you can. It should be noted that at this first level, some of you may be able to identify many flavors present in different food items whereas some of you won’t find much success in this practice. It is not a problem at all as the whole purpose of this activity is to try and focus more and more on your food and different food items; and not to succeed in finding all the flavors in different food items. So all you have to do is to consciously taste, feel and enjoy your food items and not bother about the rest.

As you keep doing this act of consciously engaging in your food and food alone, whenever you are eat, you start sending more and more signals to your subconscious mind that you now want to focus on one thing at a time and you want to focus on it with complete concentration. As more and more of these messages keep reaching your subconscious mind through your specifically targeted conscious activities, it starts making changes to the previous script of lack of concentration written on it, and it starts sending fewer distractions to you whenever you want to focus on something or someone.

This is the time you should start extending this conscious practice of engaging in one thing at a time, to the other small but important spheres of your life. To do so, stop talking on your mobile whenever you are driving or doing any other important activity, and focus on that particular activity. Talking on mobile while driving a vehicle is a very harmful and potentially dangerous activity and it should be avoided as much as you can. This habit becomes even more harmful when you hold your mobile against your ear and talk to someone while driving. This is due to the reason that when you engage in most of the conscious acts of distracting yourself while doing one activity, you use one more activity to distract yourself and hence your focus is divided between two activities instead of one.

For example, when you watch TV while eating a major meal, your concentration is divided between two activities one of which is eating food and the other one is watching TV. But when you hold your mobile against your ear and talk to someone while driving, you use two distractions instead of one and accordingly, your concentration is divided into three activities instead of two. Looking at these three activities, you are driving your vehicle, you are talking to someone and you are also paying attention to the fact that your mobile should not fall from this position as it may get damaged if it falls from this position.

Hence you are focusing on three things at a time which makes the situation even worse by giving you even less percentage of concentration on each job, and your chances of lacking your focus on the road are much higher and accordingly, you are more likely to meet an accident or damage your mobile. This is the reason why talking on mobile causes many more road accidents than by engaging in other types of distractions like talking to someone else present in the vehicle, while driving. In the second case, you are only using one distraction which is talking to someone else whereas in the first case, you are using two distractions which are, talking to someone else and taking care of your mobile phone.

Other loss that you face while engaging in this practice is that the more is the number of distractions that you consciously use while engaging in an activity, the stronger signal you send to your subconscious mind that you don’t want to focus on one thing at a time and you want to use more and more distractions. Such repeated messages worsen your problem of lack of concentration and hence such practices should be avoided or reduced as much as they can be.

Therefore, if you have to receive a call while driving, the best way to receive it is to park your vehicle on the side of the road and then take that call. If you don’t have an option of parking your vehicle on the side of the road and you have to take this call, carry a hand free kit or Bluetooth with you to receive calls through them. Though you are still taking a call through hand free kit or Bluetooth, but the risk of accident as well as the risk of worsening your problem of lack of concentration is less in this case. This is due to the reason that now you are using only one distraction instead of using two, as you are not holding your mobile against your ear and you don’t have to worry about it any longer. So if you can’t avoid the loss altogether, it is always wise to reduce it as much as you can. It means if you have to use distractions in a situation, use as few of them as you can.

As you keep engaging in more and more such conscious acts of focusing on one activity or thing at a time, you keep sending more and more signals to your subconscious mind where these signals ask for more focus and concentration whenever you engage in an activity. As these signals take the shape of a script, your subconscious mind starts sending you fewer distractions in the beginning and it then starts sending you more and more concentration once this script has become strong enough to make your subconscious mind do so.

Looking at the line of treatment when this habit of lack of concentration has been caused due to engaging in an activity that you don’t like at all, the only effective treatment for this reason is that you should always try and engage in activities that you like. On the other hand, you should avoid engaging in such activities that you don’t like much or don’t like at all, as doing so puts you up against your subconscious mind which has been trained to put resistance and send distractions whenever you face situations or activities you don’t like. As most of you already know by now that whenever you are put up against your subconscious mind, the chances of your subconscious mind winning are much higher. Hence try to avoid doing things you don’t like at all and instead try to do things that you like a lot, as liking is a factor which can increase your chances of success in any sphere of your life, more than many other factors or good qualities.

For example, let’s consider a person is married for many years, his wife is very happy with him and in his company, and she often thinks and speaks very well about her husband. Though there may be many other qualities her husband may possess, it is almost certain that this man has a great focus on the needs of his wife due to which he attends to most of her day to day needs whether they are physical, financial, mental or emotional. In practical language, you will call this man a very caring husband and due to his quality of caring so much for his wife, he makes and keeps her happy most of the time.

Yes, it could very well be his love and care for his wife but what is the exact thing working behind making his wife happy? As you may know by now, it is his undivided focus and complete concentration on his wife and her needs that makes him attend to and fulfill most of her needs in due time and this is what makes him a caring husband. This person loves his wife and accordingly he wants to make her happy most of the time and this is what draws his attention to various needs of his wife and accordingly he focuses more and more on those needs and finds ways to fulfill them. Hence we see a natural boost in our level of concentration for something or someone we like very much or love very much.

Looking at some other examples, you tend to do much better in games or sports that you like a lot, you tend to do better with people you like a lot, you tend to do better in subjects you like a lot, you tend to succeed easier and more in jobs or professions you like a lot and many other such examples may be considered. The essence of all these examples is the fact that our liking for something or someone increases the level of success we achieve when dealing with them, as our concentration sees a natural boost when we deal with the things we like a lot. Hence you should make the most of this secret and engage in more and more such activities which you like a lot as that will do a world of good to your concentration.

As you keep engaging in more and more conscious acts of increasing your concentration, some of which have been mentioned above, your habit of lack of concentration will start becoming weaker with the passage of time and finally, it will leave you for good as you now have a new friend called Concentration. As most of you already know through the first part of this book that two opposite habits can’t stay with your subconscious mind at the same time; it means when concentration comes to you, lack of concentration has to leave you.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari