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Imagine suddenly coming across a girl who was in the same class with you in college ten years back, who you wanted to be friends with and who rejected your proposal of friendship when you went to her and shared your feelings. Though you may still like this girl after ten years, you will not have a strong feeling of regret when you see her after this long period of time. This is because you liked her, you did what was right on your part by going to her and letting her know about your feelings, she didn’t like your proposal and she refused. In this case, you know two things for sure, first one being that you did your best and the second one being, the girl surely didn’t like you at that time. The first feeling gives you satisfaction that you tried your best and the second feeling gives you a confirmation that the girl didn’t like you back then which means you didn’t have any chance with her. These two feelings help you a lot in moving forward with your life and that too without regrets.

On the other hand, if you liked this girl in college and really wanted to be friends with her but you could not do so as you feared she might reject you, your heart might be broken or your friends might have laughed upon you, you surely get many regrets. In this case, when you see this girl after ten years, all those memories come back to you and start giving you regrets due to two reasons. The first one is the fact that you didn’t do what was required of you and so you can’t blame your luck, for you not being with her whereas the second one is the fact that the girl might actually have liked you and she might have said yes to your friendship proposal, had you gone to her and expressed your wish.

These two feelings will start making you uncomfortable as they start reminding you of your lack of courage as well as about the possibilities of you with this girl, had a friendship happened. Moving one step further, suppose you go to this girl who may be married now and may be having a kid with her, say hello to her and introduce yourself as her classmate. She recognizes you and talks to you and you two may have a chat over coffee. As you talk to her now, you may be surprised to know that she likes talking to you now and you may also find out that she may have liked you back in college also.

After this incident, the girl is gone but you are doomed for sure because you are now left with the worst type of regret. You start thinking that the girl could have become your girlfriend or even your wife, had you had the courage to go to her and let her know about your intentions. You are now left with this regret that you had good chances of achieving this goal, had you tried back then, and nothing is worse than this regret which tells you that you could have easily achieved a target, had you tried. This regret tells you that your failure had got nothing to do with luck or anything like it, but it was purely due to the reason that you didn’t try at all.

And though I have explained only an incidence about this situation when you meet this girl after ten years and build many regrets, many of these regrets may have already been building and living inside you through all those ten years, and this incidence has only given more strength to those regrets. It means that long before you meet this girl now, those regrets had already built inside you and they kept telling you again and again that you lost a beautiful girl who you really liked a lot and who also could have liked you, merely because you did not put in the due effort at the right time.

Let’s now look into the small day to day things which we consciously do at times, then we keep doing them and as a result, they render us a habit of welcoming more and more grudges. Among the most common types of small activities which give us more and more regrets; you want to buy and wear a particular type of dress which may be a bit too much to handle for your family or social circle and therefore you avoid it as you don’t want to sound strange to them and you don’t want them to mock you or criticize you for wearing this dress. To make it easier to understand, it could be a pair of low-waste worn-out jeans that you want to wear when you belong to a conservative family or you may be more than 50 years of age and your family members don’t like you wearing such jeans.

As you decide not to wear these jeans despite liking them very much, primarily due to the reason that you don’t want to be criticized or mocked by your family members or other people around you who don’t believe in wearing such jeans, you have given birth to a grudge. By doing so, you not only give birth to a grudge inside you but you also send a message to your subconscious mind that family and friends demand sacrifices and you have to stay away from things that they don’t like even if you like those things a lot. As you keeping coming across such jeans in your day to day life, whenever you see someone wearing them, your grudge gains more strength and this thought again comes to your mind that you are not able to wear such jeans only due to fear of your family or friends.

As this grudge keeps gaining strength and as more such grudges are born inside you, they keep sending signals to your subconscious mind that family and friends demand sacrifice and in order to keep them happy, you have to abstain from indulging in certain activities, even if you like them a lot. As these messages keep reaching your subconscious mind again and again, a script of restlessness or discontent against your family is written on it. As a result, you may find yourself arguing or disagreeing with your family members more than usual. You will tend to argue or disagree with those members of your family or friends the most, which came to your mind when you wanted to purchase those jeans and only due to them, you had to drop the idea. Since they were the ones who indirectly stopped you from doing what you wanted to do, your subconscious tendency to disagree with them more and more, even on general matters, will increase.

This is due to the fact that through those grudges, your subconscious mind has understood that those family members were the ones who kept you away from doing something you really liked. Hence your subconscious mind considers those family members as hurdles in your life as you are not able to do many things in your life merely due to the fear of those family members. Moving on, this negative energy is likely to come out in two ways against your family members or friends, in most cases. The first one tells you to move away from them so that you may do what you really like whereas the second one tells you to prove them wrong again and again so that their opinions lose value and they may not be able to stop you from doing what you want to do. At the same time, proving them wrong again and again also helps you asserting yourself that since they are more often wrong than right, they were wrong in stopping you from wearing those jeans also.

As you understand that taking the first step which is to move away from your family members is not an easy one as there are many other factors behind the strength and longevity of these relations, your subconscious mind chooses the second option which is easier out of the two. As a result, you tend to disagree with these family members on increasing number of issues, though you may not be able to understand the reason for these increasing disagreements. This is due because all this practice of grudges coming out in form of disagreements or occasional anger, is being carried out by your subconscious mind and as you already know by now, the activities carried out by your subconscious mind seem naturally happening to you and you don’t seem to find specific conscious reasons for them.

Many of you must be amazed how keeping yourself away from just a pair of jeans due to the fear of some specific members of your family or friends can give birth to grudges and how it can instigate your subconscious mind to provoke you in disagreeing with them or arguing with them, more often. This is the reason why you should give birth to minimum number of grudges or regrets as they are silent killers which don’t seem to do any instant or short term damage in most cases, but they are potentially dangerous for filling you with poison and then provoking you to take out that poison on some specific people or things. As that happens again and again, the distance between you and your dear ones increases and if this keeps happening, a stage may approach when this distance may become too long to cover and you may have to choose paths different than your near and dear ones in question.

It should however be noted that the above example has only been mentioned to make you better understand how the theory of building grudges and incurring damages through them works. It is practically not possible to see very bad results merely on the basis of this one type of grudge which comes by not wearing the jeans you like, due to the fear of your family members. This is just one of those many grudges which come to you in your day to day life, by virtue of you abstaining from more and more things, activities or people you like, due to fear or pressure from your near and dear ones. Any one of these grudges alone is not capable of causing big problems for you but many of them working together can cause big problems or even break the best of the relationships you may have.

Hence the number of grudges against anyone or anything is inversely proportional to your chances of going well with that person or thing. It means that the more grudges you hold against someone or something, the more subconscious reasons you have, to disagree or dislike that person or thing. As the number of grudges against a person or thing keeps increasing and as it reaches a specific point, your dislike for that person or thing reaches its peak and accordingly, you disengage from that person or thing completely.

Let’s now look into some other day to day activities and examples through which many people tend to build many new grudges inside them and these grudges eventually hurt them in one sphere of their lives or the other. Suppose you like to dance but you don’t know how to dance well and so you want to take dance lessons. The problem again is the fact that you may either not obtain permission for such dance classes or you may be mocked by some of your near and dears for going to such dance classes and due to any one of these reasons, you are not able to go to these dance classes. As you understand by now, a new grudge is born inside you and the target of this grudge are once again the people who either did won’t allow you or who you fear will make fun of you if you go to such dance lessons.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari