There are many people in this world who hold so many grudges and frustrations within them that it becomes difficult for them to be happy and perform at their best in many spheres of their lives. This is because the more grudges and frustrations you hold inside you, the more negative energy is added to your aura as grudges and frustrations are negative traits and they keep adding specific type of negative energy to your aura thereby making it difficult for you to perform at your best and be happy. Increasing number of people are getting afflicted with this negative habit in this day and age and therefore it becomes important to know more about this negative habit and about the ways to treat it.
The people suffering from this problem can often be seen grinning and grudging about many things and people around them and as this problem intensifies, they start having grudges about themselves also. For example, when you ask them how are things at their job, they may reply with something like ‘Oh, it’s all right though things are not as good as I want them to be, maybe something’s wrong with this job, maybe something’s wrong with me or maybe I don’t like this job, I don’t know.’ They may also tell you how some of their colleagues are doing very good at the same job and how after all their efforts, they are not able to produce the same results or they are not receiving as much credit for their work as they should, and some other grudges related to their job.
Taking another case, when you ask such a person about how his or her marriage or love life is doing, and let’s say her love life, she may once again come up with many grudges and frustrations. She may say something like ‘Well, it’s not going bad though I wish it was better! I mean I try to do my best to make it work but something is not going right and I feel like we are not as happy with each other as we should be. Sometimes I think he’s not the right man for me as he doesn’t take as good care of me as he should, whereas sometimes I think I’m not good enough for him as I’m not able to make him as happy as I should. Maybe we are both not right for each other, maybe this relationship is not meant to go all the way or maybe something else that I don’t know.’
Taking another case, when you ask such a person about how his son is performing at studies, he may once again mention many grudges and frustrations through his answer. This person will say something like ‘He’s doing all right, I guess, though not as good as he should be or as many other students in his class are doing. Maybe I’m not able to provide him with as many resources as the parents of other students in his class are providing them with, maybe we are not doing our best to motivate him for studies and to make him understand the topics well, maybe he is not that much interested in studies to start with or maybe I’m expecting a bit too much from him.’ There are many other maybes that this person may come up with. Here again the answer given by this person is full of grudges due to which instead of simply telling whether his son is doing well or not, he is telling many other things which are not required to be a part of his answer and some of which may not be true even, and they may just be his assumptions.
In the same way, there are many other examples from various spheres of life where these people are found expressing their grudges and frustrations instead of simply replying to what is asked from them. Due to such grudges and frustrations which often come out through their conversations or answers, these people start giving out a vibe of being frustrated, depressed and pessimists. As people around such natives feel these negative vibes again and again, they avoid talking to them much or being in their company as they know that these people are only going to give them more ways to feel depressed and make complaints. Slowly but surely, the people suffering from this negative habit start driving away most people around them and as this starts happening and keeps happening, their grudges and frustrations start increasing even more. It becomes a vicious circle where they push most people away from them due to this negative habit of too many grudges and as more and more people move away from them, their grudges and frustrations increase in number.
Looking at the root cause of this problem in order to identify it properly, holding too many grudges and frustrations is a specific branch of the bigger problem of negative attitude which has already been discussed in first part of this book. This problem is caused when a person lacks confidence and courage to do certain small things or he keeps himself away from such activities under some kind of pressure, and he chooses not to do those activities. These activities are the ones which he wants to do but he doesn’t do because of lack of confidence, lack of courage, fears or inhibitions whichever of these ones is his problem. As he wants to do these things but he still doesn’t do them, a negative energy starts building inside this person due to which he starts realizing that he is not good enough to do certain things or he is being kept away from doing certain things, and this starts building grudges and frustrations inside him.
For example, you like to sing and you want to sing a song at a party that you are attending but only due to your fears or inhibitions, you don’t sing this song. These fears may come in the form of inner voices which can scare you on the context of ‘what will people think about you’, ‘what if they don’t like your song’ or ‘you may become a laughing stock if you sing this song’; and you back away from singing this song. So you really want to sing this song but you don’t and this is what starts building a specific type of negative energy inside you in the form of grudges. Due to these grudges, you may start thinking that maybe you are not good enough to sing a song, maybe many people don’t want you to sing and many other maybes. Such thought further bring more negativity to your thought pattern and personality.
Similarly, you want to talk to a girl who may be a classmate, colleague or any other girl that you like and you wish to talk to her so that you may explore the possibilities of a relationship with this girl. Though you have a strong desire to talk to this girl but you don’t do it once again due to the similar types of fears like, ‘what if she doesn’t respond in the way I expect’, ‘if she rejects me, my heart will be broken’, ‘if I don’t succeed, other people like her friends and my friends will laugh at me’, and many other such types of fears which prevent you from going to this girl and talk to her. You see this girl again and again due to various circumstances and you really want to talk to her but you don’t, and this starts building grudges and frustrations inside you and you start feeling restless.
As you don’t talk to this girl even when you have many chances to do so every now and then, someone else goes to her and expresses his wish to know her better. The girl accepts and she starts seeing this guy. This is where your problem witnesses a great rise because you have lost a chance to be with someone you really like by not doing the right thing at the right time. Many grudges and frustrations start building inside you which start giving you negative thoughts about yourself, the guy this girl is seeing and even about this girl herself and this is where more negativity starts building.
Such negativity may come in the form of inner voices which may say something like, ‘maybe I was not good enough for this girl’, ‘maybe the other guy is better than me and that is why the girl is with him and not with me’, and many other such thoughts which keep coming to you and all they do is raise the number of your grudges and the level of your frustration. These grudges and frustrations give you a specific type of negative attitude towards life that fate or destiny doesn’t have many good things or people for you in reserve and it is not playing fair with you whereas it is giving unjustified benefits to the others.
In reality, these are your thoughts and assumptions only and they may not have anything to do with the truth. For example, people may have liked your song a lot and appreciated you, had you shown enough courage to stand up and sing. Likewise, this girl may have been your girlfriend or even wife, had you shown the courage to go to her and expressed your feelings for her. It could be that the girl may also have liked you but she kept waiting for you to make the first move which you never made due to which she accepted a friendship request made by someone else. The scenarios in these two examples as well as in many other spheres of your life may have been different, had you done the right thing at right time instead of holding back due to your fears and inhibitions.
Understand this fact that in most cases, you will build grudges inside you only when an opportunity comes your way, you like it and you want to engage in it but you don’t do so. On the contrary, if you engage in an opportunity you like, you can either succeed or fail in it. In the first case, you will get what you wanted and so no grudges whereas in the second case, you tried your best and failed which gives you a feeling of satisfaction that even though the opportunity did not work for you, you did the best you could, and this gives you more satisfaction than grudges. Grudges are generally not the results of failures but they are the results of regrets.
Speaking about regret, it usually doesn’t come to you when you try to do something and that thing either happens or does not happen. Regrets come to you when you really want to do something but you don’t give it even a try, as many fears inside you stop you from doing so. Hence this opportunity comes your way and you don’t give it your best, instead you let it pass by you and this is what causes regrets and grudges.
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To be Continued
Lord Shiva Bless You