Category Archives: zHeaven and Hell Within 02

Article HAH607

Heaven and Hell Within Part 6
 
Coming back to the main example, since this is a formal dinner; your conscious mind may start considering the social norms and it may be of the opinion that you should not have ice cream more than once at a formal dinner as most people don’t do so. Hence your conscious mind convinces you not to have more ice cream as doing so may give other people reasons to think negatively about you; since you may go against the established norms of such formal dinners. This opinion is rising from your intellect corrupted by your ego which is acting on the basis of certain calculations of profits and losses.

It means that though your subconscious and conscious mind seem to engage in a conflict; in reality, this conflict features your heart verses your intellect and ego. The reason your ego is also involved is because the filter imposed by your conscious mind says that having more ice cream can have negative impact on your social image, which may result in some type of disadvantage later on. Since your social image is maintained by your ego in most cases; your ego is stopping you from having more ice cream at this formal dinner; and it is using your intellect and conscious mind to its advantage.

It should be noted that the need to be good as a person comes from your conscience though your heart and intellect may support this need. However, the need to be perceived good rises from your ego. Since your image is not about being good and it is rather about being perceived good; the need to have a good public image rises from your ego. As long as you’re really good deep down; the need to be perceived good doesn’t rise because the goodness inside you is sufficient on its own. As soon as this goodness drops below a healthy level; the need to look good rises. It means as long as goodness comes natural to you; you don’t need to assert it by engaging in conscious efforts to prove you’re good.

As soon as goodness stops being a natural part of you or it drops below a level; the need to create goodness through assertive acts arises. This need to create goodness through assertive acts of goodness is what results in your public image in such cases. Hence your public image is natural only as long as you don’t do anything to build or maintain it. The moment you start engaging in conscious efforts to build or maintain it; it becomes unnatural which means your ego gets involved.

For instance, in this example, you’re a person who loves eating a lot of ice cream. Hence if you choose to go with this preference at this former dinner also; your image projected through this action is natural because this is what you feel like doing and this is what you’re doing. However, if you feel like having ice cream and you don’t do so in order to keep a good image; this image is unnatural.

This is because you’re not the person you’re trying to appear and hence this act is an assertive act of building or maintaining image; and so it rises from your ego. Kindly understand that by suppressing your wish to have more ice cream for the purpose of maintaining a good image; you’re giving false information about you, to other people at this formal dinner. You’re trying to look someone who you’re not, deep down. It means this act of yours is illusionary since it doesn’t match your personality which is real; and hence it rises from ego.

The reason this goodness may drop below a healthy level is that you may develop more ego, and increased ego creates the need to be perceived good. This is because deep down; you know that you’re not that good. Hence your ego fears that other people may also find out this fact about you and they may start assigning less value to you. Accordingly; it creates the need to look good so that other people may be fooled that you’re good though you’re not in reality. This is why your ego pushes you not to have more ice cream since it needs to be perceived good.

If there’s no ego involved and the reason to avoid having more ice cream comes from your intellect alone; this reason is different. If such is the case, your conscious mind may apply a filter to the wish of your heart and this filter says that eating a lot of ice cream is unhealthy and hence you should not eat more. It should be noted that as long as your intellect is not corrupted by your ego; the reasons given by it in such situations may be good ones in most cases; which means your intellect may try to stop your heart from engaging in practices which may prove harmful for you in one way or another.

Hence your intellect may warn you to stay away from more ice cream because it knows a lot of ice cream can affect your health negatively. It means that the filter applied by your intellect in this case is a fair one as the need to apply this filter is rising from the need to maintain good health. However, when it comes to your ego; the need to apply this filter is rising from imaginary or illusionary profit and loss; and it is not rising from valid facts. For instance, if your heart wishes to have boiled eggs at this formal dinner; and you keep having one boiled egg after another, say until you have four eggs; the situation may change.

Your heart wants eggs now and when it comes to your intellect; it may find that having three, four or even five eggs is fine since it may assign high value to eggs as it thinks eggs are good for health. Hence your intellect may not oppose the wish of your heart to have eggs. However, your ego may still oppose this wish of your heart since the problem remains the same for your ego. If you keep having one egg after another, people may think negatively about you and that may affect your public image. Hence your ego may push you to stay away from having more eggs even if they’re healthy for you; whereas your intellect may support your heart on this issue; as it finds eggs are good for you.

As long as your intellect is uncorrupted; it tries to suggest you what is practically good or bad for you; though it may fail to understand certain things related to your heart, like the need to have any quantity of ice cream at all; since it finds ice cream unhealthy. However, even when your intellect suggests you so; its intention is to bring benefits for you or avoid losses you may face. Hence your intellect may end up doing bad things for you in some cases; but its intentions may not be bad; until it is corrupted by ego.

It means your intellect genuinely wishes well for your body and for some other things which are important for your existence. Therefore, the conflict between heart and intellect is more like the conflict between feelings versus reasoning. Hence it is a good type of conflict since it helps you keep a check on your feelings which can go too far at times; and it also helps you keep a check on your reasoning since your life may become dry if it is operated by reasoning alone. It means in the deepest sense; your heart and intellect are not opponents and they complement each other, as long as they’re both healthy.

When it comes to ego, it doesn’t care about your body, intellect, heart or anything else for that matter; and all it cares for is to feel satisfied by engaging in illusionary acts. Hence it may offend or abuse your body, heart, intellect and your mind; in order to get what it wants. That is why it is your biggest enemy because even though it lives inside your body; it doesn’t wish well for your body and all it cares for is to get what it wants. We’ll discuss this topic in detail; later on.

As this conflict rises whether or not you should have one more portion of ice cream; you may start feeling nervous, restless or confused inside. This is because two options are available now, and this is what is causing confusion as you’re trying hard to choose one of these two options. Suppose your subconscious mind wins and your conscious mind loses though it may not surrender. Hence you ask for one more portion of ice cream and you start having it, just like you did before.

Though everything looks the same from outside, which means an onlooker may find you having ice cream just like you had it some time ago; things are a lot different inside this time. While your subconscious mind is executing your heart’s wish of having more ice cream; your conscious mind is still posing resistance against this wish. It means you’re having ice cream and at the same time; you’re thinking that you shouldn’t have it. In the first case, you were having ice cream and you were thinking you should have it or to be precise, you weren’t thinking at all. Hence there was no conflict between your subconscious and conscious mind in the first case. Therefore all you did was to enjoy having your ice cream, without much conscious thought.

However this time; you’re having ice cream and you’re thinking against having it. This is where conscious effort rises since your conscious mind is working in the opposite direction to that of your subconscious mind. Hence it needs to put in effort, in order to succeed against your subconscious mind. It should be noted that you need effort to do something against a force and you don’t need effort if you choose to go with that force. For instance, you need effort if you choose to swim against the flow of a river whereas you need little or no effort if you choose to relax your body and allow it to go with the flow.

Similarly, your conscious mind doesn’t need to put in much effort as long as it chooses to go with the flow of your subconscious mind. However, as and when it chooses to go against the flow; it needs effort. Whether or not it may succeed depends on a number of variables. Hence while your subconscious mind enjoys this ice cream; your conscious mind keeps observing people who may be looking at you or who may be talking about you, since your conscious mind fears that they may talk or think negatively about you.

In this case, only your subconscious mind may be able to enjoy this ice cream and that too in part. In other terms; only your heart may be able to enjoy this ice cream and that too in part. This is because your heart is not able to receive the same amount of energy sent to it by your subconscious mind in enjoying this ice cream as that in the first case; since parts of this energy are being used by your conscious and subconscious mind in fighting each other over this issue.

It means in the first case; all the energy was being used by your heart to enjoy the ice cream and hence you were able to enjoy it perfectly. This is because there was no conflict between your conscious and subconscious mind due to which, the latter was capable of sending as much energy to your heart to enjoy ice cream; as much it could.

Article HAH606

Heaven and Hell Within Part 6
 
This fact doesn’t mean that if you love someone purely, you don’t do anything for her and it instead means that you don’t feel the need to do something. Once again, there is a subtle difference and this difference should be understood properly, in order to absorb this concept in the best possible way. As already explained in an earlier part of this book; the acts or expressions generated by your subconscious mind are the natural ones because these acts or expressions represent your true wishes or your true opinions about something or someone. Since these acts or expressions are in accordance with your deeper self; they are natural, which means you’re doing or expressing exactly what you feel like and hence it all happens without any conscious effort.

On the other hand, the acts or expressions generated by your conscious mind are intentional. Hence they need effort and therefore, they’re not natural. It should be noted that whatever needs conscious effort is not natural and the more is the conscious effort required to do something; the more unnatural it is. The word ‘effort’ in this context doesn’t mean the effort of your body and it means the effort of your mind. Hence if you feel like doing something, you don’t give it much conscious consideration and you do it; this act is natural. It has come directly from your subconscious mind which has forwarded this act to you at the request of your heart. Since you engage in this act without conscious consideration, this act is natural.

On the other hand, if you don’t feel like doing something but you still choose to do it as this act may be needed in order to gain an advantage or in order to balance a disadvantage; this act is unnatural. It means this act is not rising from your heart and subconscious mind; and it is instead rising from your intellect and conscious mind. In this case, your heart doesn’t feel like doing this thing but your intellect suggests you to do this thing, through your conscious mind. Since intellect doesn’t deal with feelings and it rather deals with needs generated on the basis of certain specific calculations depending on the situation; this act is something you need to do and not something you want to do or you feel like doing.  This is what makes this act unnatural.

In other words, whatever you feel like doing at any point in time is what comes from your subconscious mind and whatever you try to do against such feeling or without this feeling; comes from your conscious mind. The former type of act doesn’t need much conscious effort whereas the latter type of act does need conscious effort. The amount of such conscious effort required in case of a particular act of this type depends on how much resistance is being offered by your subconscious mind against this act.

Let’s now look at the process when you engage in an act and try to understand this concept properly. Let’s consider five probabilities. The first probability is that your subconscious mind generates a wish to do something and it starts doing that thing; even without discussing it with your conscious mind. For examples; you keep breathing even while you’re sleeping. It should be noted that even breathing needs effort though it is subconscious effort.

Since your conscious mind is not working when you sleep whereas your subconscious mind is still working as it keeps working from the time of your birth till the time of your death; without a break; your subconscious mind does this job. Since the acts conducted by your subconscious mind are hidden just like this part of your mind; you generally don’t consciously feel the efforts behind these acts and hence they seem to happen naturally to you. This is why the activities like breathing, digestion and other such activities don’t need much conscious effort; unless something goes wrong; which means a health condition appears and it interferes with some of these processes.

The second probability is that your subconscious mind generates a wish to do something and this wish is then sent to your conscious mind for consideration. If your conscious mind gives consent to this act; it is in harmony with your subconscious mind since they’re both agreeing to do the same thing. Since the wish has come through your subconscious mind; it starts working to fulfil this wish. The effort is done by your subconscious mind and hence one such act happens naturally. It means you feel relaxed when engaging in one such act since there is no conflict between your conscious and subconscious mind related to this act.

As long as there is no conflict between your conscious and subconscious mind related to a thing or a person; any type of conflict or confusion may not arise since it takes at least two options or opinions to create confusion, and one option means no confusion. The concept of confusion has already been discussed in an earlier part of this book. Hence even in this case, you engage in such act naturally and you don’t feel much conscious effort being done by you. For instance, if you love dancing; you feel like dancing at a specific moment and you start dancing; you may notice that though your body is engaging in effort; your mind feels relaxed as there is no effort from your conscious mind; against your subconscious mind.

It should be noted that you only need effort when certain things need to be altered and you don’t need effort if such things need no alteration; under ideal conditions. Therefore, if your subconscious mind proposes something like the wish to dance; and your conscious mind doesn’t want to alter or change this wish; no effort is required at the level of your conscious mind. Since your subconscious mind is alone in the picture, and your conscious mind is more like a witness in this case; there is no effort required by your conscious mind to try and change something that your subconscious mind wants.

In the third probability; your subconscious mind creates a wish to do something; this wish is forwarded to your conscious mind and your conscious mind doesn’t agree to this wish. This is where the conflict is created because your subconscious mind wants to do something but your conscious mind wants to stop it from doing so. Since your conscious mind needs effort to stop your subconscious mind from engaging in this thing; this act may not remain natural and you may actively feel it.

Looking at one such act; suppose you’re attending a formal dinner and you’re about to have desserts. When the choices are presented; your subconscious mind expresses the wish to have ice cream as it may be your favourite dessert. Since all the preferences are stored on your subconscious mind; this wish is generated through your subconscious mind, though it is the wish of your heart. This proposal comes to your conscious mind; and suppose; it agrees to this proposal. As there is harmony in this decision; you start having ice cream in the most natural way. It means you start having ice cream and you completely enjoy it, feeling absolutely relaxed. This is what happens in case of second probability where your subconscious mind and conscious mind are in harmony.

You keep having ice cream and soon, the portion of ice cream is finished. Suppose your subconscious mind expresses the wish to have more ice cream and it forwards this proposal to your conscious mind. However, this time when it comes to your conscious mind; it doesn’t agree to this proposal and it offers resistance. This is because it is the job of your subconscious mind to forward proposals on the basis of already stored preferences or data; and it is the job of your conscious mind to apply filters to the choices of your subconscious mind; as and when it finds fit.

It means that your subconscious mind has this preference stored on it and that is why it is forwarding this preference to your conscious mind. Let’s now look at the way this preference has been formed. You like ice cream a lot. In general, whenever you have ice cream, you have a lot of it and you don’t stop after having a small quantity. Since you may do such things on your own and there’s no one to judge you; there may be no issues at all in such cases.

For instance, you may have ice cream when you’re home or you may have it outside when you’re either alone or you have your loved ones with you. It means in both these situations, there’s no one to judge you since your loved ones already know you well and they don’t need to judge you. Hence you may have as much ice cream as your heart wants and you may only stop when your heart feels satisfied.

This is a natural act and you keep engaging in this act time and again; whenever your heart feels like having ice cream. As you keep engaging in this act; the liking of your heart for a lot of ice cream forms a pattern and it is stored on your subconscious mind in the form of a preference, through repetition and over a period of time. When that happens, your subconscious mind starts working on the basis of this preference and hence your heart may not have to directly engage in any effort to let you know that it wants ice cream. It is like your heart has given a standing instruction to your subconscious mind that it wants to have a lot of ice cream as and when possible, and your subconscious mind registers this instruction as a preference.

It should be noted that your intellect stores knowledge, data and preferences on your subconscious mind whereas your heart stores preferences on your subconscious mind, in most cases. Once such preferences are stored properly over a period of time through repetition; your subconscious mind starts acting on them on behalf of your heart; as soon as the situation or circumstances present an opportunity to engage in one such act. Hence when you feel like having second portion of ice cream at this formal dinner; this wish is being generated by your subconscious mind. However, as your subconscious mind is generating this wish due to the standing instruction given by your heart; this wish is coming from your heart, in reality.

Suppose you’re a rich person and you love to donate. You have a big house and you have a guard at the gate. Since you love offering donations to any bagger who comes to your door but you’re not home all the time; you forward a standing instruction to the guard. You give him significant amount of money and you tell him that whenever any bagger comes; he should give him a specific amount of money which you may find fit. From here on, your guard may keep doing this act on your behalf. Though it is he who’s offering money to a number of baggers who come to your door; he’s only acting on your standing instruction.

It means in reality; you donate money, each time he donates it and he’s just acting on your behalf. The same happens in cases of preferences stored on your subconscious mind. Your heart; your intellect, your ego and even your body stores such preferences on your subconscious mind which keeps acting according to these preferences. It is your conscience alone, which doesn’t store any preferences on your subconscious mind and this is what makes it different from all other entities. This very fact helps your conscience maintain balance within you. We’ll discuss this concept in detail, later on.

Article HAH605

Heaven and Hell Within Part 6
 
Hence the husband may know when his wife does something to hurt someone, through repeated experiences, though the wife may also not know it at times.

It means these are the times when even she may not be consciously aware of the fact that she’s engaging in one such act on purpose; since such act may be controlled by her subconscious mind. However, since the expressions given by her are the ones which his husband duly recognizes; he’s able to understand that she’s engaging in an act of revenge and not in a positive or neutral act; though she may assert so.

Hence when the wife tells her husband that she doesn’t intend to waste his money and the things she wants to do with this money are important for her; the husband may not believe her as he sees the expressions of revenge on her face. It means though the wife may tell him and though she may herself believe that she wants this money in order to enjoy and not in order to trouble her husband; her expressions may speak out that she indeed wants this money to trouble her husband.

This difference should be noted duly. A wife may spend a lot of money for her own pleasure and she may not have anything negative against her husband. On the other hand, she may spend a lot of money; primarily in order to throw her husband’s money away; and what she purchases with that money becomes secondary. As already mentioned; the wife in the first case may spend a lot of money but not the kind which is not justified according to her husband’s financial incomes. Hence her primary objective is to seek enjoyment for herself and not to trouble her husband.

However in the second case, the wife primarily wants to throw her husband’s money away and whether she’s able to enjoy with this money or not, doesn’t matter to her. An interesting thing is that the first type of wife may only do things with this money, which she really likes whereas the second type of wife may like each and everything she does with this money. This is because the pleasure of the first type of wife is genuinely coming through the things which she can avail through her husband’s money and hence she’ll be interested only in those things which she really likes.

On the other hand, the pleasure of the second type of wife is coming through the wastage of her husband’s money though even she may not realize it consciously. Hence her pleasure starts as soon as an amount of money is wasted on anything, since it is not that thing but it is the destruction of money that gives her pleasures.

Since the wife in the present example may be doing so without conscious knowledge; she may not believe her husband when he tells her that she’s asking for more money; only in order to trouble him by wasting more and more of his hard earned money. The wife may think he’s making excuses in order to avoid giving her more money and she may develop even more dislike or hate for her husband as he neither loves her nor he wants to give her money and on top of that; he puts false blames on her. When it comes to the husband; he realizes that she’s not only wasting his money; but she’s lying and arguing also, when he sees it obvious on her face that she’s joyful when he says she doesn’t intend to waste his money.

The same may happen in the opposite case, which means when the husband says that he’s starting a new hotel in a faraway city; genuinely because he wants to expand his business and not in order to trouble her by staying away from her; the wife may not believe him at all. This is because she recognizes those specific expressions appearing on his face; which appear only when he’s trying to trouble someone. Hence she may start hating him more because he’s trying to trouble her and at the same time; he’s lying to her about it.

On the other hand, the husband may genuinely think he’s speaking the truth and when his wife tells him that he’s telling a lie; he may develop more negativity for her. The husband may think his wife tells her lies and then she calls him a liar, and the wife may also think the same about him. Hence they may both find the other one lying or hurting intentionally; when the other party may be doing so without conscious knowledge. These are just two acts and there may be a number of other such acts which may generate more and more negativity between them.

In some worse cases; the husband or wife may engage in an extramarital affair with a sibling or a very good friend of the spouse; primarily in order to hurt the spouse; though the partner doing so may not know it consciously. It means if the wife engages in an extramarital affair with her husband’s friend; she may think that the reason she’s doing so is because she likes or even loves her husband’s friend. However deep down; she’s only doing so in order to take revenge on her husband. In the worst cases; the husband or wife may kill the other partner for various reasons which may be conscious or subconscious.

Looking at one such subconscious reason; suppose the wife is kidnapped for ransom and the husband has no involvement at all in this, though he hates his wife a lot. The kidnappers contact him, they ask him for ransom and they warn him that if he informs the police; they’ll kill his wife. If such is the case; no matter how hard this husband may try on conscious level, to not inform police; he’ll end up informing the police. If the police succeed in finding his wife, that’s fine but if the police fail and the kidnappers kill his wife; he’s equally involved in this murder though on a subconscious level.

It should be noted that even a person who genuinely loves his wife may inform the police and even his wife may get hurt; but his intentions behind informing the police are different and that is what matters in the end. For instance, a husband who loves his wife does some investigation about the kidnapper gang and he comes to know that they kill the people they kidnap, even if ransom is paid. Hence he may inform the police instead of paying them the ransom as he feels this is the only way to save his wife.

On the other hand, even when the husband who hates his wife comes to know that this gang never kills the kidnapped person if the ransom is paid; he may take a chance and inform the police. He may create a number of conscious reasons to justify this act; like crime should not be promoted; law should prevail and other such things. However in reality; what he wants deep down is to get rid of his wife. Hence he may feel that he’s doing the right thing by informing the police but in reality; his subconscious intention behind doing so is to give the kidnapers a reason to kill his wife.

Once again, it is the intention behind an act which decides its nature and not the act. The husbands in both the cases are engaging in the same act of informing the police but they’re doing so for opposite reasons. One husband is doing so because of love for his wife as he knows only police can save his wife and paying ransom to this gang means getting his wife killed. The other husband is informing the police because of hate for his wife; as he wishes deep down that his wife should die. Hence if the wives die in both these cases; the first husband is a still a savior whereas the second husband is a killer.

Moving on, even a marriage can happen for negative reason due to pending karmic settlements from the past life, from this life or from this life as well as from past lives. Looking at one more such example; a woman may engage in a love relationship with a guy as he may be a good friend of her former lover who dumped her. This friend may show sympathy and before she knows; they fall in love. In reality; this act of love may be an act of revenge and she wishes to trouble her former lover through this friend.

When it comes to this guy; he liked this woman from the beginning and he even tried to get close to her. However, the woman rejected him and he developed disliking for her deep down; though he may still think he likes her on conscious level. He may also feel jealous of his friend as this woman rejected him due to his friend as she was interested in him. Hence this opportunity gives both of them the chances to settle their scores.

The woman knows this friend likes her but what she doesn’t know is that his liking has turned into disliking, long time back; and even this friend may not know it as it is happening on subconscious level. The guy may think that this woman really loves him now and she could even have loved him back then; if his friend was not there in the picture. In fact, the woman may even tell it to this guy that she liked him back then also but she was already interested in his friend. Hence both of them may feel the other person is truly in love with them when all that is happening are lies deep down. If this marriage happens; it is certainly going to face a number of problems and both these people are going to suffer a lot due to each other, though they may not trouble each other consciously.

Let’s now check the purity of your love. When you’re in love with someone say with a woman, more you feel the need to express your love through assertive words, acts or gestures, less pure is your love and more is the percentage of corruption in your love, though this need may be subconscious in many such cases. This is partly because of the rule which says that your mind expresses each and everything it has; whether or not you may know it; which means it may do so consciously or subconsciously. This rule has already been explained in an earlier part of this book.

Another rule is also partly affecting this equation and this rule says that whenever you have any type of guilt or regret whether conscious or subconscious; you do something to get rid of it; consciously or subconsciously. This rule has also been explained earlier. Moving on; if all you have for this woman is love and nothing else, which means you love her purely; only love will be expressed and nothing else as love is all there is and hence love is all that can come out. This is in accordance with the first rule.

At the same time, since your love is absolutely pure, which means it is not corrupted; there is no guilt deep down and there is only joy as pure love can give birth to joy and joy alone. Since there is no guilt either on conscious level or on subconscious level; there is no need to engage in an act to balance out any type of guilt, related to this relationship.

Combining both these rules; it can be understood that if your love is pure; only love will be expressed naturally which means subconsciously; and you won’t need to do anything to assert your love through any types of words, acts or gestures, whether such need is conscious or subconscious; where latter is the type of this need in most such cases. It means the need to assert your love is practiced by your subconscious mind, when your love is corrupted, and even you may not be aware of it on conscious level.

Article HAH604

Heaven and Hell Within Part 6

Since it is complicated and some people may not understand this subtle difference between personality which is exhibited by the mind; and soul which remains pure; the saint uses different lines. Hence he doesn’t even tell you to dislike his personality type and he tells you to dislike his evil acts so that you may not engage in the same or similar type of acts. This way; the meaning remains the same but it becomes easy to understand. This is because your karmas at any time define your overall personality and hating someone’s karmas is to hate his personality type or a part of his personality type. Since personality is controlled by the mind; you can have an evil mind but you can’t have an evil soul because it is impossible to corrupt your soul though it is possible and even easy at times; to corrupt your mind.

Hence when you love your wife like this; you may dislike many things about her but you may still love her. This is because whatever she does or she doesn’t do; whether she has good habits or bad habits and all other such things go only as deep as the mind and not deeper than that. When it comes to the soul; it just exists and it doesn’t engage in any of these things called habits, karmas and all other such things. Yes of course, it produces conscience which deals with the corruptions of your mind but the soul directly remains unattached from each and everything. It means your soul is not interested even in the fact whether your conscience wins over your ego or your ego wins over your conscience.

It is difficult to observe practical examples of this type of love as only a person with high or very high spiritual growth may be capable of practicing this type of love permanently. I’ve used the word permanently because just like most other concepts; the three types of love may also co-exist within a person and they may vary in percentages; depending on the evolutionary status of the person in question. It means just like your ego and conscience can co-exist; these three types of love can also co-exist though in general; only two of them may be found present in most people at a time.

Accordingly; every person may in general engage in the type of love which best fits his personality type and he may at times be able to engage in love of the adjacent type; except in case of third type of love. This is what is meant by purity percentage of love and this is why it may become purer at times and more corrupt at other times. What it means is that people who are generally fit for engaging in love of the first type due to their high egos; may witness the love of the second type in case of some people or at times. For instance, even a person fit for first type of love may be able to practice the love of the second type in case of his children, mother or lover.

Likewise, a person fit for engaging in love of the second type may practice love of the third type in certain cases or at times. It is interesting to note that a person fit for second type of love in general may also practice love of the first type in some cases; since the second type has the luxury to shift to the third type as well as to the first type, on temporary basis. When it comes to the third type; it is fixed and these people may simply not be able to practice any other type of love. That is why you may find them loving each and every person in the same pure way.

When it comes to a person who’s not yet evolved enough to become a saint but who’s closer to reaching this point; which means he’s achieved very high level of spiritual growth; he may practice the love of the third type at times. As a rule; the number of these occurrences or to be precise; the ratio between his acts of love of the third type and his acts of love of the second type keeps increasing as he achieves more and more spiritual growth; which means as more and more ego leaves him and more and more conscience comes to him.

Hence a person closer to sainthood may be able to exhibit a ratio of 90 to 10 or even a ratio of 95 to 5; where the first numbers in these sets indicate the acts of love of the third type out of hundred; and the second numbers indicate the acts of love of the second type out of hundred. Literally speaking; this person still belongs to the second type because you can only belong to a type officially; when you become 100% related to that type, which means when this person engages in 100% acts of pure love. However in real time; this person has almost shifted to the third type.

Suppose you’re 28 years old at this time and year 29 is in progress. Suppose there is only one day left for you to complete your 29th year which means tomorrow is your birthday. Literally speaking; you can’t officially claim to be 29 today since you need to live through one more day in order to do so. However in reality; you’re almost 29 since out of 365 days in a year; you’ve gone through 364, which means almost all the days. Hence you can officially write yourself as 28 though you’re almost 29.

This is what happens in case of such people also; who’re almost saints but not exactly saints. It means they’ve almost reached the destination called sainthood but they’ve still not officially reached there. These are the people who may engage in acts of love of the third type most of the time but they may still engage in acts of love of the second type at times. As soon as they reach the destination called sainthood; they may engage in acts of love of the third type alone.

This is why the pattern of spiritual growth of each soul is considered as a journey. A journey means continuous as well as progressive movement from one point to another and it doesn’t mean jumping from one milestone to another; missing all the steps in between. Hence the journey of liberation is covered by taking one step at a time; and each one of these steps in the direction of liberation makes you a better person. Though important distinctions may be reached during this journey; only once in a while; you’ve been reaching them all the time in reality.

It means that if you’re moving from city A to city B, you officially reach city B once you enter it but each step you take towards city B is getting you closer to this city. Likewise, when you move from the point where you’re able to engage in second type of love, towards the point where you’re able to engage in third type of love; you evolve with each step you take. Hence you won’t directly jump from second type to third type; and you’ll reach it progressively.

Though we may broadly define people as devils, very bad, bad, average, good, very good and saints; there are millions of possible personality types between each one of these distinctions and that is what makes all of us different from each other. This is why all of us have the chances to grow with each and every passing moment; since even a small positive or negative act or even a thought can move our personalities to the next positive or negative points in this journey; depending on the positive or negative nature of such act or thought.

Let’s now go back to the example where two people get married for negative reasons. They may get married soon after meeting each other for the first time, and the negativity may start playing after the marriage. Though there may be thousands of acts of revenge that different couples may engage in, depending on their experiences in past lives; we’ll discuss only a few of them to have an idea.

Since the seed of this marriage is based on greed whether such greed is for money or for physical beauty; the last thing which is likely to visit this couple is love. A number of problems may start surfacing soon after the marriage; where the woman may start troubling the guy in her own ways and the guy may do the same in his own way.

Looking at some of these things, the woman may love to throw his money away for a number of reasons, most of which may not be positive ones. It should be noted that a wife may spend her husband’s money for positive reasons as well as for negative reasons. When she spends them for positive reasons, the intention is to purchase or build something for the family or for her. In such cases, the wife is not interested in throwing husband’s money away and in fact, she feels thankful to her husband on subconscious level; as it is he who earns all this money. One such wife may spend her husband’s money for family welfare or for personal pleasures of the quantum; which may be justified according to their financial status and not more than that, in most cases.

On the other hand, when a wife spends her husband’s money for negative reasons; her primary intention is to waste as much of his money as she can and what she purchases with this money is secondary. One such wife may almost always spend a lot more than she ideally should; based on her husband’s income; so that he may lose more and more money; and he may feel troubled. She loves when her husband shouts at her that she’s wasting his money and she should stop doing so. The way she interprets is that this practice of hers hits her husband deeply, and hence she starts spending even more, in order to hurt him even more. Such wife seldom purchases or builds anything for family welfare as all she wants is to waste more and more of her husband’s money.

It should be noted that these acts are generally controlled by the subconscious mind and hence most wives belonging to both these categories may not have conscious knowledge of the reasons behind these acts. For instance, a wife may simply feel happy when she purchases something for family or an asset with her husband’s money, and she may not consciously know why. Similarly, another wife may naturally get attracted to things which mean waste of money, and she may not realize why.

It means she may consciously feel that she’s only spending on the things she likes, and her husband is trying to stop her from doing what she wants. Accordingly, when her husband shouts at her, he may do so because he thinks she’s wasting money whereas the wife may think her husband is trying to stop her from doing what she wants. Hence both of them may consciously think that they’re doing what they should be; and the other person doesn’t understand them.

However deep down; she’s only interested in wasting her husband’s money and that is why her subconscious mind is making her interested in things which are useless. She simply hates her husband, she finds him useless and hence she feels that his money should also prove useless. Her husband’s money is the result of his hard and dedicated efforts, and his efforts are the result of his overall personality. Hence if his money proves useless, deep down it means he’s making efforts to achieve useless things. It means his efforts are useless, which further means his personality is useless because all these useless efforts are coming from his personality.

In short, the money earned by him is the essence of his efforts which are the essence of his personality. Therefore, if his money proves useless, he proves useless in the deepest sense, according to his wife. Hence this wife is wasting her husband’s money subconsciously and by doing so, she’s conveying it to her husband that even the best of his efforts are not worthy of buying or getting anything useful.

On the other hand, the wife who loves her husband knows subconsciously that the money earned by her husband means the essence of his energy in the deepest sense. Hence wasting such money means disrespecting her husband’s efforts which further means disrespecting her husband.

Even the wife wasting her husband’s money may be surprised to know that she’s doing so to prove him useless as she may be of the opinion that she’s not wasting it and she’s just spending it for her needs. In reality; most of her needs have been created by her subconscious mind; in order to waste her husband’s money. Hence the primary objective of these needs or wishes is not the enjoyment for her; but it is the destruction of her husband’s money. Accordingly she may feel happy; more by spending money than by actually enjoying things purchased with that money.

On the contrary; the wife who loves her husband may not enjoy much when she spends his money and her enjoyment may come through the valuables obtained through such money. Hence the wife who loves her husband may spend money on things which bring some value whereas the wife who hates her husband may not care whether such money brings any value to her or not, and all she wants is to spend his money. It means that the true desire of the wife who loves her husband is to prove his money useful by creating meaningful things with it whereas the true desire of the wife who hates her husband is to prove his money useless by wasting it.

Looking at the husband, he may spend most of his time outside his home and though he may think he’s doing so for professional reasons and this act is justified; it may not be so deep down. He hates his wife deep down; and accordingly his subconscious mind gets him attracted to things which may help him stay away from home. Hence the subconscious mind of the husband may suggest him genuine ways to stay away from his wife. For example, he may start spending more time away from home, in order to expand his business.

Once again, they’re both unable to understand each other’s behavior and they think the other person is simply not letting them be happy. The wife may obviously feel that her husband is doing so to create reasons for staying away from her, which is in fact true in this case. Hence this act of her husband may give her one more reason to hate him. The husband on the other hand may think that all he’s doing is to expand his business which is a positive thing and hence his wife should feel happy instead of feeling bad. Since he finds her unhappy with this decision of his; he may think she doesn’t like his prosperity, which gives him one more reason to dislike her or even hate her.

It is interesting to note that a number of times; people closer to us are able to notice our subconscious intentions but we don’t notice them. This is because they may notice and understand our subconscious expressions when we engage in certain things but we can’t notice them since we don’t see what signs our bodies are giving out at different points in time. Hence the husband may understand from his wife’s subconscious expressions that she’s interested in wasting his money and the things she purchases with this money are secondary.

This happens because he notices her expressions at the moments when she does something as an act of revenge but she consciously says or conveys that it is a natural act or even an act of liking or love. A faint but obvious glow expresses on her face whenever she engages in one such act. Since the wife can’t notice her own subconscious expressions like this specific glow; she may not be aware of the fact that her husband knows when she engages in acts of this type; which may be called acts of revenge.

The same may happen in case of husband and the wife may also notice certain specific subconscious expressions which he gives out when he says an act committed by him is a genuine act but in reality; it is an act of revenge. The husband may also not know this fact that his wife knows when he’s trying to justify an act of revenge as a natural act.

It happens to all of us and people close to us may know many such things about us through our subconscious expressions; which we don’t know consciously; since we can’t notice our own subconscious expressions.

Article HAH603

Heaven and Hell Within Part 6

In the first case, the wife puts herself at the end of the conclusion and hence she only stops calculating at the point when she realizes that she may face problems through this action of hers. It means when she starts calculating everything, she travels through herself to her in-laws, through them to her husband and through him to herself; in her imagination. As soon as she reaches herself and she finds herself suffering through her husband; she decides to avoid the practice of disrespecting her in-laws and she chooses to keep respecting her in-laws.

When it comes to the second case; she again creates imagination related to an act of disrespect; she reaches her in-laws through herself; she then reaches her husband through her in-laws and she never gets beyond this point. As soon as she finds her husband suffering in her imagination; she stops this chain and she chooses to keep respecting her in-laws. This is because she loves her husband purely and she simply can’t see him suffer in any way; and the last thing she wants is to become the cause or even the medium of such suffering.

The difference should be clear now. She chooses to keep respecting her in-laws in the first case; because she doesn’t want to suffer whereas she chooses to keep respecting her in laws in the second case because she doesn’t want her husband to suffer. You see, though the final result is the same at the surface; everything changes at the bottom. In the first case, the wife starts from herself and she stops at herself, which means her imagination starts from her act and it stops at her loss. However in the second case, she starts from herself and she stops at her husband, which means her imagination starts from her act and it stops at her husband’s loss.

This is a subtle but significant difference between pure love and trade or so to say; between ego and conscience. Ego will always start from itself and it will always finish at itself and the same happens in case of trade which starts from your benefit and it ends at your benefit. When it comes to conscience; it may start from you but it always ends at the one you love. The moment you reach the one you love in any case like in this case; the journey stops and there is no road beyond that. Hence the wife may choose not to engage in certain practices; not because they may trouble her in the end; but because they may trouble her husband.

Since the troubles of her loved one which means her husband are more important for her than her own troubles; she simply can’t go beyond this point. This is why in some cases like in a mother-son relationship or even in a love relationship; a mother or a lover may happily choose to embrace a number of problems if such problems keep his or her loved one away from problems. This is the third type of love. So let’s now try to explore it.

This type of love rises from the level of soul and it reaches the level of soul. Since the soul is merely a witness and it doesn’t do anything on its own; this love type of love is managed by conscience. It has already been explained in an earlier part of this book that conscience is the purest product of the soul and it does everything on behalf of the soul where the latter exists as a witness. It is similar to the fact that sunlight does all the jobs on behalf of the Sun and the Sun remains a witness though it is the one which generates sunlight.

Only a person with high conscience can engage in this type of love as it can only be managed through conscience. When this type of love happens and say you happen to love your wife this way; you don’t love her for her body; you don’t love her for her personality and you don’t love her for anything else she may do or not do; though you may certainly like or dislike her habits or acts. However when it comes to love; you love her on the level of her soul which means you love her for what she really is and not for what she may or may not do.

In case of second type of love; since you’re in love with her personality; your love diminishes as her personality changes in the ways you don’t like. Whenever it reaches a point which is the opposite of what you like, you may start disliking her or even hating her. If you search deep within you; you’ll always be able to assign reasons for this hate, like she’s started disrespecting your parents; she’s been drinking a lot, she’s behaving badly and a number of other things. However, when it comes to the love of the third type; you can at the most dislike some of her habits and you can never dislike her.

It means you may tell her that you don’t like the fact that she disrespects your parents but you love her. This means you dislike this act of hers and not her. Whether she keeps doing so or she stops; you continue loving her the same way. Similarly; you may tell her that you don’t like the fact that she’s started drinking a lot and she’s suffering as a result; but you love her. Whether she continues this habit or she discontinues it; you continue loving her the same way.

Kindly understand that in the first case; you’re in love with her personality and you’re not in love with her real self; though you may consciously think you love her real self. Hence as soon as her personality changes to a very different type or to the opposite type; your love goes away. Going deeper; your biggest problem is not that you don’t love her real self; it is the fact that you don’t know you’re in love with her personality and you’re not in love with her. She may think you’ve stopped loving her whereas you may think she’s not the same person who you loved.

She hasn’t changed as a soul and she simply can’t even if she wants to change; and only her personality has changed. Since you always considered her personality to be her; she starts being a different person as her personality changes. It means you may start looking for another woman who possesses a personality similar to what you like, and which your wife also possessed at a time. The next woman you think you love and you marry; may also witness some changes in her personality as we all do; and the same series of events may start again.

However, this is not all and there’s another variable in this equation. This variable comes in form of you and it says that just like her personality may change over time; the personality types you like and dislike may also change from within you. For instance, you had a habit of consuming alcohol on daily basis and you liked your wife to be the one who also consumes alcohol even if she doesn’t do so on daily basis; so that you may have company. You marry a woman who drinks regularly and this is one thing in her personality that you like.

Suppose, over the next few years, something happens and you not only quit drinking but you start motivating your wife also for doing so; as you start disliking drinking. Suppose she doesn’t listen to you and she continues drinking on regular basis despite your efforts to make her disengage from drinking. The habit of drinking was the one you were looking for in your life partner at a time and it is the same habit that you hate your life partner to have. Accordingly; you start counting it against her and resentment starts building inside you. You see, she didn’t change at all when it comes to this habit; but the way you look at it has changed in the opposite direction.

This is just one habit and the same may happen in case of a number of her habits. Suppose a number of her habits actually change whereas a number of her habits remain the same but you start disliking them though you liked them earlier. As a result; her overall personality looks a lot different to you; compared to how it looked at the time of marriage. Since her personality is what you liked; your love changes along with the changes in her personality.

This is a typical problem with the second type of love which is based on the personality of the lover than being based on the soul of the lover. Even if the partner doesn’t change much; what you like or want versus what you don’t like or don’t want may change significantly over a period of time, and hence you may face problems. If this is the case and you’re an honest person; you may even admit that she’s hasn’t changed much as a person. However, you’re looking for a different type of person at this time and she or so to say; her personality doesn’t fit the description of that person.

When it comes to the love of the third type; you’re in love with her deepest self which is something that can never change. This type of relationship is practiced between two souls and it is not practiced between two bodies or two minds; both of which may change with time. It means though the bodies and the minds may still be involved; they become secondary and the primary focus is on the soul. Since neither your soul can change nor her soul can change; this love remains unchanged. It means you continue loving her irrespective of what she does or what she doesn’t.

This is because the arguments and all other such things are happening due to the interplay of your minds whereas love is happening due to the interplay of your souls. Since the level of the soul is the deepest level; no entity in your entire existence can make any changes to anything happening on this level. This is why this type of love is irreversible and even if you are able to love one person like this in your entire life; it’s more than enough.

When wise people say that love is God; it is this type of love they’re talking about. This is because this is the way God loves everyone. He continues loving all of us no matter how good or bad we are, and this is why all his angels or saints also do the same. When saints say that you should not dislike an evil person; and you should rather dislike his evil acts; they’re also speaking from this level.

This is due to the reason that being an evil person is a personality type and the soul of even one such person is pure as there is no way to corrupt the soul. Since the evil is coming through his personality and not through his soul; you should dislike his personality and not his soul. As some people may find this matter complicated to understand; the saints tell you to dislike the evil acts of one such person and not him. It means if they tell you to dislike the personality of an evil person; you may get confused.

Since some of us consider the personality of a person as the person himself; we may get confused when someone says that we should dislike the personality of an evil person but we should not dislike him. The way we may interpret is that one such saint is telling us to not to dislike an evil person at one time and he’s telling us to dislike him; in the very next sentence.

In reality; the saint is saying that the personality from which all such evil is coming is not him and he’s the soul; which is uncorrupted and which can never be corrupted. Hence he tells you to dislike his personality or so to say, he tells you to dislike this particular personality type and not the person having this personality type. The reason you should not dislike him is because he’s a soul and the soul is not doing any of this. The reason you should dislike his personality type is because that helps you stay away from this personality type. Hence in the deepest sense; the saint is telling you to stay away from this personality type and he’s not telling you to stay away from this person.

Article HAH602

Heaven and Hell Within Part 6

If you really value your friendship; you should understand that money is only changing hands and you’re not losing it. Your friend will earn more and hence he may benefit more. If your money is benefitting your friend; what is the problem in it; if you really value this friendship more than money? As you can understand; money is indeed more important for you than your friend because when it comes to choose between who will have this amount of Rs. 1000 per month; which is the amount of discount or no discount in question; you choose yourself instead of choosing your friend. It means you’re putting price tags to your friendship and you choose to keep it only up to a price that you may have to pay for it.

Hence money is more important for you and it is your primary objective. You’re only interested in friendship as a secondary objective and it is not your primary objective. As soon as love or friendship fails to be your primary objective; it becomes trade. Though this trade may be of the worst quality which means you don’t care at all for the other person or it may be of very good quality which means you make adjustments or you suffer losses up to a point; it still is trade. As soon as you reach the point which has been defined by you as the boundary for adjustments, compromises or losses; you choose to disengage from such love or friendship.

This is what makes it trade because your interest is still primary for you and the interest of the other person is secondary. As a general rule; as long as your interest remains primary for you; it is anything but pure love you’re dealing with. Since your interest is represented and even created by your ego; the presence of ego means corruption in love. As already explained in an earlier part of this book; higher ego means more corruption which further means more focus on you.

For instance, in the present example; valuing Rs. 10 more than your friendship means you have high ego which doesn’t want to lose anything at all, even for the ones you care for or you think you care for. Valuing your friendship more than Rs. 10 but less than Rs. 1000 means you have reasonable amount of ego but not very high ego since you’re willing to go some distance for your friendship. Similarly; valuing your friendship more than Rs. 1000 but less than Rs. 10,000 means you have an even smaller ego since you’re willing to go even longer in order to save your friendship.

It means that the person who can suffer a loss of more than Rs. 1000 but less than Rs. 10,000 in this case; is a more evolved person and hence his chances of witnessing pure love or friendship are the highest in the near future; among all these people. The person who can suffer a loss of more than Rs. 10 but less than Rs. 1000 lies in between and he has more distance to cover; before he may witness pure love. The third person who can’t afford to lose even Rs. 10 is the least evolved and accordingly; a thing called pure love or even a thing called love is merely a dream for him at this stage; whether or not he knows it consciously.

Looking at this equation from your friend’s angle; all these rules apply to him also. It means if he gets angry with you for Rs. 10, Rs. 1000 or for Rs. 10,000 respectively; he also values money more than friendship or more than you. If he gets upset with you for Rs. 10, he’s the least developed one; if he doesn’t bother when you purchase from the other shop and he suffers a loss of Rs. 10 but he gets upset when this amount jumps to Rs. 1000; he is a relatively evolved person.

Similarly; if he doesn’t bother when you purchase from the other shop and he suffers a loss of Rs. 1000 but he gets upset when this amount jumps to Rs. 10,000; he is an even more evolved person. As already mentioned many times; the journey of each soul is very long and it has to cross a great number of points before reaching its destination, which is the highest stage of spiritual evolution.

Coming back to the second type of love; you’re in love with your wife’s personality and you’re not in love with her true self, which lies even deeper within her. Since her true self always remains the same; you simply won’t have the need to stop loving her if you love her true self. This is because you’ll always find the same thing there and hence there’ll be no disappointments like in case of physical love or love for her personality. As her physical beauty fades away or as her personality changes to the extent which you may not tolerate, your love may go away.

How much adjustment you can make or how much you can tolerate is dependent on how much she’s done for you as well as on your overall spiritual growth. If you’re a less grown person, you may move away at the earliest. If you’re a relatively grown person, you may give her time to change herself back and if you’re an even more grown person; you may tolerate her even longer. It’s like you choose to suffer a loss of Rs. 10, Rs. 1000 or Rs. 10,000 for your friend; depending on the level of your spiritual evolution.

Hence, even if you tolerate certain very bad habits of your wife for 5 or even for 10 years before choosing to break this marriage; your love is still not pure and there is a percentage of trade or corruption in it, though it is certainly purer than that of the first two people of this type. It means you’re better than the person who leaves his wife within 1 year of seeing unwanted changes in her personality, and you’re also better than the person who does the same in 2 to 3 years. However, even your love is not pure though you have the best chances among all these cases; to witness pure love in future.

It means though all of you are engaging in trade in the name of love; you’ve reached closest to love among all these people and hence your chances of reaching pure love are the maximum. This is how we evolve. It’s not that you can either have 100% pure love or 100 pure trade; which means you can have either 100% conscience or 100% ego. It is that you can have a number of different combinations of these two; between 0% and 100%. Hence whichever combination of pure love and trade or corruption you have at this time; it can certainly be changed in any direction; with your own efforts. It means you can choose to grow more love or conscience; and you can choose to grow more corruption or ego.

It is interesting that even a perfect looking couple of the second type may be making a number of compromises for each other, even when they don’t want to. Accordingly, things may look perfect on the surface but a lot of disturbance may keep happening at the bottom of this relationship. For instance, the wife may not like her husband’s parents as they may not be good people and they may trouble her from time to time on account of various reasons. However, she may still keep respecting them on the outside though she may absolutely dislike or even hate them deep down. She’s respecting them because she knows her husband does a lot for her; he loves his parents and hence she has to make this adjustment or compromise.

You see, a trade is in place where the wife is making adjustments as she knows that a negative change in her visible behavior towards her in-laws may give birth to a negative change in her husband’s behavior towards her. As her husband’s behavior changes; she may have to face problems. Hence this practice is being carried out so that she may keep benefiting in the same way, and problems may not appear for her. It should be noted that when a wife engages in purer love; she may do one of the following two things in such case.

She may either refuse to respect her in-laws and she may tell her husband that they must deserve respect as otherwise; she can’t pretend to respect them when she hates them in reality. As a second option; she may keep respecting them despite what they do to her; and this time; this respect is not generated due to a fear of facing problems; but it is generated purely because of love. It means that the wife in this case feels that disrespecting her in-laws will hurt her husband and that’s it. She may not go beyond this and she may keep respecting her in-laws as she purely loves her husband and she simply doesn’t want to do anything which hurts him.

This difference should be understood properly as this is an important distinction between the love of the second type and the love of the third type. In the first case, the wife keeps respecting her in-laws primarily because of fear of facing problems through her husband. Hence, she’s putting her before her husband, and this respect is happening because she wants to avoid problems or she wants to keep benefitting. This is an act of ego as the moment your benefit becomes primary and that of your lover becomes secondary; the moment you start fearing that your loved one may trouble you and you don’t want to be troubled even by him; love goes away and ego or trade comes in.

However in the second case; the wife keeps respecting her in-laws not because she may suffer otherwise; but because her husband may suffer. The husband may suffer in the first case also but all she cares about is his reaction when he suffers, which means he may take his anger out on her; and she doesn’t care about what he may go through. However in the second case, she doesn’t even think about what her husband may do to her if he gets upset; and she gets stuck at the point where her husband suffers in her imagination; if she chooses to disrespect her in-laws.

It should be noted that in both these cases; she may already calculate the consequences of this action of hers; before she actually engages in the act of disrespecting her in-laws for the first time. Though these calculations may not be done consciously; they’re always done subconsciously in all the cases; as you simply can’t deal with an already existing situation without interference or guidance from your subconscious mind since it knows each and everything about this situation or equation; much better than your conscious mind.

Hence you can choose to disrespect a random old man if he does something bad to you; without much involvement from your subconscious mind since it has no record of any equation that you may have with this old man. Accordingly, your conscious mind may do most of the job since you’re dealing with this old man for the first time, though certain standard guidelines may still be forwarded by your subconscious mind; related to situations like this; based on experiences from the past. However, when it comes to your in-laws; things are a lot different and most of the decisions may be made by your subconscious mind since this equation is a very big equation and a number of variables are already there for many years.

Hence whether it is the first case or the second case, the subconscious mind of wife may do all the calculations well in advance and it may reach the point of conclusion; through those calculations. However, the point of conclusion may differ in both these cases and this is what changes everything on the inside though things may look the same on the outside. It means though the outward expression is respect for the in-laws in both the cases; the inward expressions or conclusions are different.

Article HAH601

Heaven and Hell Within Part 6

Let’s go back to the three types of love relationships. Looking at the second type, you go deeper and you build a relationship like love or marriage; not on the basis of material things but on the basis of the overall personality of the other person.

It means you want to marry a woman; primarily not for her physical beauty but for her overall personality though the interaction may start from physical attraction. Hence the equation may be initiated by physics but chemistry may take over soon. This is a common type of relationship where two people are interested in each other’s personality, much more than their physical beauty. In fact, majority of love relationships in this day and age fall in this category.

The people who love someone on this level can tell you a number of reasons why they love their lovers, and most of these reasons may be much deeper than skin. For instance, you may tell that your wife is a kind person, she takes good care of you, she’s educated, she has good manners, she supports you a lot in each and everything; she respects your family members and a number of other such things. You may or may not mention that these things make you love her more with each passing day; but this is how it is.

This is the type of love where you interact with a person at the level of her personality, instead of interacting with her at the level of her physical body. Hence you treat this person as a person, and not as a thing since understanding someone’s personality means understanding that she’s a person. Therefore, she may do a lot for you and you may also do the same for her. If we look at a perfect relationship of this type; which means both husband and wife have personalities which complement each other; this is what is called a perfect couple and this is how deep it can go in this day and age; in most cases.

In fact; some people may not even know if there’s a type better than this. It means if your wife takes very good care of you, you take very good care of her, and you two have only a few things going wrong between you at times whereas the number of right things is big or even huge; what else can you expect from a relationship like this? No matter how good this relationship may be; it is still trade and it is not love. It may hurt but this is how it is; and let’s try to understand why.

Just like her physical body doesn’t mean her true self; her personality also doesn’t mean her true self though it certainly goes deeper than skin. Just like her physical body may change with time; her personality may also change with time. Accordingly, you’re in love with something that is changing and not with something that is permanent. As a rule, when you’re in love with something that is changing; this love is also changing and it can’t be permanent. This change may happen due to a number of variables, and let’s look at some important variables of this type.

You love your wife as she takes good care of you but it can change; you love her as she’s well behaved but it can change; you love her because she respects your parents but it can also change; you love her because she’s kind but it can also change; you love her because she keeps herself fit but it can also change; and you love her because she is a cheerful person but it too can change. It may take long time plus some specific types of circumstances for some of these changes or all of these changes to happen; but it is still possible.

A question that you have to ask yourself is that what if she develops a personality which is far different from or even the opposite of the one you like. Will you still be able to love her in the same way? Though you can fool yourself; you know the answer is no. If she starts arguing with you on daily basis, if she starts drinking a lot, if she stops paying attention to whether you’ve eaten or not, if she turns into an unkind person or she develops a number of other such habits which you don’t like and in fact, you hate them; your love will disappear and it’ll be replaced by dislike first and then hate later on; though it may take due time for these changes to happen.

So what is it that you’re in love with; your wife or her personality which is the sum total of her habits and preferences at any point in time? You know the answer which is that you’re in love with her personality. Since her personality can change with time; so can your love for her, and hence it is not the deepest type of love though it certainly is deeper than the first type. In fact, there is no love in the first type and you just consider the other person as an object. However in this case, you do consider the other person as a person; you respect her and you do a number of good things for her, just as she does a number of good things for you.

However, even this type of love is trade though it is a trade mixed with feelings of love. It is like you develop personal relationship with the second milk seller who’s at 500 meters from your house and you start going to his shop for milk; primarily because of this relationship and for nothing else. Hence you now have a better reason to go to him as you two may interact with each other, apart from engaging in trade of milk in exchange for money. Therefore, this trade may become a refined type of trade as it has feelings of love or care mixed in it; but it still is a trade.

Kindly note that your need for milk is still primary and the need to purchase milk from his shop is secondary. Let’s introduce some variables to this equation and see what happens. Suppose the seller closer to your house starts offering 10% or even 20% discount on milk whereas the seller you have a relationship with keeps charging the maximum retail price. Will you keep purchasing milk from your friend at about 10 to 20% higher price or will you start purchasing milk from the shop closer to your house?

You may wait for a few days at the most and then you may get restless. You may even start telling your friend that the other seller has started offering discount and you may even advise him that he should also start doing the same. You may say all this like it’s not about the milk you purchase from him and it is about other people who may stop buying milk from him. However in reality; it is your subconscious way of telling him that if he doesn’t start offering discounts soon; you may also stop buying milk from his shop.

It should be noted that milk or its price in this example only deals with some qualities of yours, and not with their quantities. It means if you need one packet of milk daily, it is not expensive and the discounts offered by the other seller don’t matter much to you. Hence you may still keep purchasing it from your friend’s shop. If you think that by doing so; you really care for your friend and not for the price of milk; wait till you read the next lines.

Suppose a packet of milk costs Rs. 50 and the discount offered is Rs. 5 or 10. At this time; you’re earning Rs. 100,000 or more per month and hence Rs. 5 or 10 may not matter to you at all. Accordingly; you may not care about this discount and you may keep purchasing milk from your friend. This is because Rs. 5 or 10 are not enough when it comes to create significant negativity within you. Hence nothing much may happen.

Let’s now introduce a new variable; let’s change this equation and let’s see what may happen then. Suppose both these sellers offer grocery and household items also; you purchase these items from your friend’s shop and the average expenditure is Rs. 20,000 per month. Suppose the other seller offers 10% or 20% discount on all items whereas your friend doesn’t offer this discount. What will you do now? It means if you keep purchasing from your friend; you may spend an extra amount of Rs. 1000 or 2000 per month; for the exact same items.

You see, though the fact that your friend doesn’t offer discount when someone else does; remains the same in case of a packet of milk and in case of your monthly shopping for grocery and household items; its impact on you has changed depending on the quantum of loss you may suffer. When it comes to Rs. 5 or 10; you may not bother much as it is no big deal for you, given your financial status. However, as soon as this amount jumps to Rs. 1000 or Rs. 2000 per month; money may suddenly seem more important than friendship.

As a result, you may tell your friend that the other seller is offering discounts and he should also do the same. Though you may give him this advice as you really care for his business; all you really care for is the money you can save. Suppose he doesn’t listen to your advice and he tells you that he’s not going to offer any discounts for some reason of his own. This may change everything and sooner than you know; you may start purchasing grocery from the other shop.

Since your friend may also notice that you’ve started purchasing grocery from somewhere else; this relationship is bound to suffer and you know this fact before he comes to know. It means deep down; you know that if you stop purchasing grocery from your friend’s shop; he may not like it and your friendship may suffer. However, you still decide to purchase grocery from the other shop as money is certainly more important for you than friendship.

It should be noted that some people may engage in this practice for Rs. 10, some others may engage in it for Rs. 1000 and yet some others may engage in it for Rs. 10,000 or even more. However, this is only a quantitative change and not a qualitative change, which means whether you stop going to your friend for Rs. 10 or you stop going to your friend for Rs. 10,000; money is still more important for you than your friend; and only the commercial value assigned by you to your friend changes.

In the first case; you value your friendship less than Rs. 10 since you stop going to your friend in order to save Rs. 10, which means Rs. 10 are more important than your friend.  In the second case, you value your friendship less than Rs. 1000 and more than Rs. 10 whereas in the third case, this value lies between Rs. 1000 and 10,000. However in all these cases; one thing is common and that is the fact that money is more important than friendship; and only the financial value attached to the friendship changes in different cases.

Kindly understand that the 10% or 20% extra amount spent by you if you purchase grocery from your friend’s shop is going to be his profit, and hence he’s the one who’s going to benefit. This is because the seller who’s offering discount is compromising his profit whereas your friend doesn’t want to do so. Hence if you pay an extra amount of Rs. 1000 to your friend per month; this amount is going to be his profit and nothing else. It means though you may lose this amount; your friend may gain the same amount and he may benefit.

Until We Meet Next Time

Heaven and Hell Within Part 02

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This journey has once again reached a point where we have to stop it for the time being, and hence I am going to put an end to this book, though it should not be considered as the end of this journey, as this journey will continue, with the grace of lord Shiva.

As I have already mentioned in the first part of this book that reading this book any number of times alone is not sufficient to bring good results for you, and you have to start applying this book to your life so that you may get rid of some negative habits that you may have and you may start living a life which is better in quality and which offers more for other people too.

Let me also take this opportunity to thank all the readers who have not only given so much love, appreciation and support to the first part of ‘Heaven and Hell Within’, but who have also given me ideas for the second and present part of this book, by supplying me with the habits they want me to write about. All the habits and topics covered in this book have been supplied to me by readers of the first part and hence, I thank them for their support, involvement and suggestions.

Though I have covered many major negative habits in this book, I still could not cover many of them as the length of this book didn’t allow me to do so. Many readers have suggested that I should elaborate each topic more than I did in the first part, so that they may have even more detailed understanding of the topic. Acting on their suggestions, I have taken up fewer topics this time and I have elaborated them much more with the help of many more examples from real life.

I may not have been able to cover some habits and some topics in this book, but this is just a temporary stoppage in the course of this journey and it is not the end of this journey. With the grace and permission of Lord Shiva, I will resume this journey in the coming future and I will see you with more valuable content on many other topics.

Till then, enjoy both parts of ‘Heaven and Hell Within’ and apply them to your life to make your life more beautiful and this earth, a better place to live on.

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari

 

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Lack of Trust 06

Heaven and Hell Within Part 02

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On the other hand, if you find that the second person is not making any complaints about anything at all and instead he keeps complementing one thing or the other about this party, like; this snack tastes very good, the DJ is playing very good music, this dessert is so delicious, this venue has enough parking space, the host has really done a great job by organizing and managing a party like this and other such things; this is your man and you should take interest in him. You see, though both these people are attending the same party which has good as well as bad things about it, the first person is picking up more and more bad things about this party whereas the second person is looking at more and more good things which make this party enjoyable.

It means that the first person has a negative attitude towards life in general whereas the second person has a positive attitude towards life, which further means that the first person is only going to bother and trouble you by sending more and more negativity towards you through all his complaints, whereas the second person is likely to send much positivity to you and he is likely to complement you and encourage you whenever you do or want to do something big. The second person has a subconscious habit of speaking well about people and things, as well as encourage and promote good things done by people, and this is why he is worthy of a chance, and not the first person.

Similarly, there are many other types of people who possess many good qualities which are visible from their small day to day activities, and these are the people you should consider for building a relationship. Though you may still get hurt by some of these people who apparently looked good to you but the chances of that happening are not much, and on the other hand, the chances of more and more such people proving worthy of your trust and love are high because they are basically good and positive people. Dealing with such people at the first level or any level of this treatment increases your chances of success and as you already know by now, the more is the number of people who serve you value for your trust in them, the more easily and the faster you are going to get out of this problem of lack of trust. So pay attention to this first phase of initial assessment of people as this is a very important phase of this treatment.

Moving on to the second phase, once a person has passed your initial assessment test and you are positive that you want to continue with this person, start doing the needful from your end to ensure that you are slowly but surely moving towards building a relationship with this person, where such relationship may be of any kind. The most important mantra for better results in this second phase of treatment is to start slow and light, and then keep building little by little from there. You should understand that you are very new at trying to come out of lack of trust in other people and accordingly, you should not start trusting people with very big things in the beginning no matter how good you may find them during your initial assessment of them.

This is because trusting people with very big things right away may not only be too much for you to handle later on as you are not used to trust someone so much, but it can also be a little too much for the other person as they may not be expecting so much from your side in the beginning. Hence if you are in the phase of building a relationship with someone, let’s say you are building a friendship; you should start testing and trusting them slowly and not all at once. For example, telling your new friend about some small flaws in your personality may be a good way to start whereas telling him about some very disturbing flaws or incidents in your life may be a very bad thing to do at this early stage, as your friend may get scared of you and he may decide to move away from you.

Looking at some of the things you can share with or ask your new friend to do for you versus the things you should not share with him or not ask him to do for you at this stage; you can tell him how you love to take your girlfriend abroad for vacations every now and then but you should not tell how your relationship almost broke once when she caught you cheating with some other girl. Similarly, you can introduce your girlfriend to him formally some time but you should not ask him to join you two for a dinner at this stage or even worse, ask him to pick your girlfriend from office and drop her home as you are not able to do so at a given point in time.

Likewise you can ask him to give you a ride home if your car breaks down but you should not ask him to lend you his car for a couple of days, at this stage. In the same way, you can share many of your little secrets with him but you should not share your big, bigger or the biggest ones at this stage; you can ask him to do small favors for you but you should not ask for big ones at this stage; you can trust him with small possessions or secrets that you have but you should not trust him with the big ones at this stage. These guidelines are very important and you should not ignore them as otherwise you may end up getting hurt by your new friend or you may yourself decide to move away from him though he has not done anything wrong to you.

To understand it better, take a look at the recently mentioned examples and try to learn from them. If you tell your new friend how your girlfriend caught you cheating and your relationship almost broke once, you are creating a number of problems for yourself and accordingly you are increasing the chances that this relationship should fail. Since you have told him a big secret or you have trusted him so much, you start worrying later on whether you should have done so or not, and you may get accompanied by a feeling of guilt too because now there is person who doesn’t have a well established relationship with you but who still knows one of your deepest and not so good secrets.

Since you don’t have a habit of trusting people and the relationship is not well established yet, you will start suspecting and worrying that he may share your secret with many other people or he may take some undue advantage. At the same time, the friend may actually share your secret with someone else as he doesn’t attach much value to your friendship at this stage, and the fact that you have shared this secret with him at a very early stage of relationship, may give him an idea that maybe this is not a big secret for you and so he may share it with others. If this happens, this secret travels and it finally comes back to you, the chances are fairly high that you have lost a friend even before making one completely, because you will see it as a breach of your trust and you won’t be able to trust him any longer.

Trust as you know is the key to any relationship, it means once you can’t trust someone, you can’t actually have a healthy relationship with them. Moving on to the next example, asking your new friend to join you and your girlfriend for dinner or pick your girlfriend up from work and drop her home, both are bad ideas and should be avoided at an early stage of relationship. In the first case, during the course of conversation, your girlfriend may intentionally or unintentionally tell him a few things about you, which you don’t want him to know at this stage; your girlfriend may not like this friend much and she may later on discourage you from building a relationship with him; or in the worst case, your friend may start liking your girlfriend more than he likes you and you have created yourself a new problem.

Similarly, in the second case when your friends picks up and drops your girlfriend, the two of them may develop a strong dislike for each other or he may hit on or even try to seduce your girlfriend, and in both the cases, you are the one who is left with more problems to deal with. You problems become even worse, if this person knows some of your big secrets at this time because if you choose not to pursue a relationship with him under pressure from your girlfriend, in case she strongly dislikes him; you may be afraid that he may reveal your secrets to other people or even use them against you. On the other hand, if your friend hits on your girlfriend or tries to seduce her, this is not as much of his fault as it is yours. This is because of a very deep and very valuable secret of human psychology, which I’m going to share with you through the coming lines.

Leave apart bad people, even a big percentage of good people also choose between two people or two things based on the net value of those two people or things for them, which means they are likely to end up choosing the one which holds more value, in case they are stuck in a situation where they have to choose one out of the two. Knowing this rule and applying this to your equation, if your friend develops a liking for your girlfriend, your friend is very likely to breach your trust and hit on or try to seduce your girlfriend. This is because your friendship is new and it is not likely to hold much value for him at this time and accordingly, the value of his liking for your girlfriend may be much higher than the value of your friendship, which may make him choose your girlfriend over your friendship.

Hence when you consider this whole equation practically, his fault is not much as he simply chose a more valuable proposal and he didn’t have any serious commitments towards you since the friendship is new. Coming to you, it is certainly your fault to present such a temptation to your friend at this early stage of your relationship when you could have easily avoided this accident, had you waited for the right time and not moved too fast.

What I mean to say is that had you given enough time to your relationship with your friend and had you done the above mentioned things after establishing a strong relationship with your friend, he may not have hit on your girlfriend, tried to seduce her or do any other such thing. This is due to the reason that now he values your friendship much more than a beautiful girl and in this case, even if your girlfriend herself gives him green signals, he is not likely to engage because he simply doesn’t want to lose a friend like you over such a small thing, which doesn’t hold much value for him at this stage. Hence move slowly and wisely, and build your relationships slowly and wisely.

If you abide by the guidelines mentioned by me, the chances are high that you will be able to get rid of your problem of lack of trust without as much difficulty as you think. So start meeting new people, make initial assessments, start building relationships and do all of this slowly and wisely.

With these lines, this chapter as well as this section of the book has come to an end. Understand and follow this section with all your heart and mind, so that you are able to make the most of this second part of Heaven and Hell Within, just like you made the most of the first part.

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Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari

Lack of Trust 05

Heaven and Hell Within Part 02

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Next category, if you find that a person is behaving very well with the people who are either superior to him in some way or who may benefit him in some way, whereas he is behaving badly with the people who are junior to him or inferior to him in some way, he is not the one you should consider building a relationship with. This is because this person is selfish and he is even worse than the ones who don’t behave well with all the people as the second type of people have a permanent way of behaving with people irrespective of whether they are superior to them or inferior to them. Hence they may not be very good to interact with at first, but they are honest as they don’t hide their true nature or behavior to please someone in order to get some benefits from them.

On the other hand, this person in question is selfish because even though he wants to behave badly with people as and when he has the luxury of doing so, he goes against his nature, he makes himself uncomfortable and he forcefully behaves very well in order to gain something from someone in authority. This dual behavior is what makes him selfish and untrustworthy because in most cases, he is only going to behave well with people if he needs something from them and otherwise, he is going to behave badly with them. This person is very likely to hurt you sooner than later and hence you should avoid this person also.

Considering one more category, if you observe that a person is speaking about himself, himself and himself most of the time, and he seems to be exaggerating most of his stories about himself, leave him alone and move on to the next category. This is due to the reason that this person is too much obsessed with himself and accordingly, he doesn’t have much space for any other person to fit in his heart, including you, because his heart is already full of him and he is still finding more space to fit in the rest of himself. It is very good to love yourself but it is very bad to love yourself so much that you become oblivious to all other people around you as well as to their needs. This person is not likely to serve much value to a relationship as he is still in the early stage of growth where he can’t see and experience anything or anyone but him.

Then there are people you will find complaining about one thing or the other, most of the time. As you already know by now, they are not the ones for you and you should skip them too. These people suffer from negative attitude and almost nothing can satisfy or please them for long, which means that they are going to trouble you with a great number of complaints about many people, things and even about you. You will rarely receive any complements or appreciation from these people and instead you will receive more and more negative feedback and complaints from these people. Such people also have a strong tendency to discourage you from engaging in most things you want to give a try. So stay away from these people also as they are too much to handle for you, at this early stage of treating your habit of lack of trust.

Similarly, there are many other types of people who are not even worthy of being given a first chance and you should avoid these people by failing them in initial assessment test. Doing so will reduce the chances of getting involved with the worst type of people and accordingly, you are less likely to get hurt by more and more people. You should learn and remember this fact that at the first level of treatment for this negative habit of lack of trust, your trust in most people is already very low and the last thing you want to do is to get hurt by more and more people as that will drive you away from the whole concept of treatment. So invest due time and effort in the first phase and make a wise initial assessment of people you want to continue with, as that will reduce your chances of getting hurt and increase your chances of building relationships with good people, considerably.

On the other hand, there are people who are definitely worthy of being given a chance and who are likely to prove good or very good assets for life, if you are able to build a relationship of trust with them. Just like I mentioned some types of people worthy of being failed during the initial assessment test, I’m going to mention some types of people who should certainly be given a chance as the good qualities they initially exhibit are sufficient to make them worthy of being valuable for you.

At any type of happy gathering, if you come across a person who is surrounded by many people or friends most of the time, provided he is not a celebrity, a very rich person or other such person who attracts people by virtue of something material he possess and not by virtue of his qualities, this may be the person you are looking for. This is due to the reason that in most cases, only those type of people are surrounded by many people, who have proven themselves an asset for most of their friends and due to this reason, their friends are very happy to have them in their lives and they don’t want to miss any chance of being next to them.

If this person is in a group of five or ten people and you don’t know who out of these ten people, is the one you are looking for, here are a few things which will help. You can observe that among this group of ten people, there is a person who is the center of attention of most other people in the group, which means that most other people look at this person while saying something, this person may do more talking than the others and when he speaks, most people in the group listen carefully and react very positively to whatever he speaks. Moving on, if the average distance of one person from the other in this group is one foot, you will observe that the two people sitting or standing immediately next to this person are maintaining a distance of less or much less than one foot.

This happens because our subconscious mind will encourage us to get as close as we can get to a person who we really like and respect. It means that the people sitting or standing next to him like him a lot and if someone is already being liked a lot by some other people, he must have some very good qualities as it is not possible otherwise, in most cases. Now observe if the scene changes and this group or a part of this group scatters. Some members of this group may scatter in ones or twos but this person is still accompanied by at least one or more than one person. If you further observe that more people who are not a part of this group, are coming to greet and meet this person and they greet him with a real smile of happiness on their faces, you don’t need more proofs and this person is definitely worth giving a chance as a good number of people will not pay attention or respect to a person at a gathering, if this person doesn’t have some very good qualities.

Moving on to the next category, if you find that a person is not only attending with great care to the people who are senior to him in one way or the other, but he is also giving respect to and he is behaving well with the people who are inferior or junior to him in one way or the other, this person certainly deserves a chance. A person who can respect all people and behave well with all of them irrespective of whether these people are above him or below him in some manner, is certainly a good person and he is not a selfish person also.

This is because if a person can respect those people and behave well with them, who are not likely to benefit him much and who on the other hand, may be looking for some benefits through him like his help or approval on certain issues; is definitely a good person. When you know that you are not going to witness much material benefit from a person and instead you may have to help him out every now and then, and you can still respect that person and behave well with him, you are certainly not a selfish person and on the contrary, you are a kind and good person.

In today’s world, people who are not likely to give you much and who are instead likely to expect you to help them as and when they need it, are seen as liabilities and not as assets; and in this day and age where most people are profit and loss oriented, if you can respect the people who are not likely to profit you in any way, you are certainly a kind and good person. So if you come across such a person, do give him a chance as he may prove a very valuable asset for a lifetime because if a person can respect and help people who are not able to serve him much value, imagine how far he’d be willing to go for a person he really likes and loves.

In the next category, if you come across a person who rarely complains about most things, situations and people, and instead he speaks well about things, situations and people, most of the time; he is the one you should consider giving a chance. For example, if you meet two people at a party and during the course of conversation; if the first person tells you how the lighting is not done properly, how a food item is not duly cooked or overcooked, how a drink is not as hot or as cold as it should be, how the party venue is too small or too big for a gathering like this and other such things like that; you don’t want to give this person a chance because he is all about complaining and that’s not what you want at this stage.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari