Being too Possessive 03

Heaven and Hell Within Part 02

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While lending money, car or other valuables to your friends, care should be taken that you should lend your money and valuables, only to those friends and relatives who you believe are good ones, who really need these valuables and most important of all, who according to you, will return your valuables in good condition after using them and who will return your money on time. True personality development is all about balance and therefore, you should not start suffering losses related to your money and valuables, just in order to treat a negative habit as that will give birth to another problem, while treating one problem. Hence you should take a balanced and wise approach when sharing your money and valuables with near and dear ones.

Once this level is also mastered, you are now ready for the next level which demands you to give due space to the people you love or to the people you are related to. At this level, you should start giving more space and freedom to your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, children, friends and all other dear people, and you should allow them to enjoy their lives according to their own choices. For example, don’t bother much when your girlfriend chooses to talk to some other guys or she opts to have many other male friends, as she has a right to her own life and she can live it the way she wants, until she crosses the line where it starts hurting your relationship.

On the contrary, you can promote and support her in doing such acts, like you can encourage her to make more male friends if you feel that she wants to make more male friends and she is not doing so only because she is afraid that she might offend you, hurt your feelings or make you feel uncomfortable. Simply take a step forward and encourage her to do so and let her know that you trust her, and her happiness and freedom is the most important thing for you. You should try and do the same to your wife, husband, boyfriend, children, friends and relatives, and you should give them more freedom and space whenever it is needed.

Some of you may think that by giving this much freedom and space to your girlfriend or boyfriend, you are risking your relationship as he or she may find a person better than you and he or she may leave you for them. In reality, this is just a fear and nothing else and you are not going to lose your girlfriend to some other guy by doing so if you are a good person and on the contrary, you are only going to make her respect you even more and love you even more.

Contrary to what some people may think, your girlfriend or boyfriend, your husband or wife, are not always looking for better people or better choices. For example, your girlfriend will not leave you for a better person in most cases, if you are a good enough person or even a reasonable person to be with. Your girlfriend will leave you for someone else only if you are not a good person, you don’t respect her enough, love her enough, care for her enough or you lack many of other such good qualities. If such is the case, she is anyway going to leave you sooner or later, no matter whether you allow her some freedom or not.

Most people are not always on the lookout for the best person in the world and they don’t want to run from one person to another in search of a better, further better and further better person until they have reached the best person. It doesn’t work like this at all. Most people want to settle in their lives and when they find someone good enough for them even though this someone may not be the best person or a very good person even, they will settle with this person in most cases. It is only in the cases when a person is not good enough for someone or not good at all, that the second person starts looking for other options as they don’t want to waste their life with someone who is not capable of adding any value to it.

Therefore, if many of your girlfriends have left you for other people and you are now afraid of giving any freedom to your current girlfriend, fearing that she may also find someone else and run away, you are not treating your problem but you are making it even worse than it is. This is because, you are trying to hold on to her so tight and block her breathing space so much that she has no choice left but to push you away or to move away from you so that she may get some comfort. Hence, restricting her freedom and being too possessive is only making your problem worse and it is not helping you at all.

It is the time to learn and understand this fact that if many of your girlfriends have left you, the fault probably doesn’t lie in them but it lies in you, and instead of finding more and more ways to stop your current girlfriend from running away, you should find more and more ways to fix yourself and make yourself a better person who can add some value to his girlfriend’s life. If you are good enough to provide value to your girlfriend and make her happy, she is not going to leave you in most cases whereas if you have many negative habits and you can only make your girlfriend feel uncomfortable and miserable in your company, there is no way in the world you can stop her from leaving you no matter what tricks you may try.

Hence this Heaven as well as this Hell lies within you and you only, and other people are not responsible for whatever good or bad is happening to you, in most cases. If your girlfriends, boyfriends and many other people around you are leaving you from time to time, it only means that you are not a person worthy of their company, in most cases. So instead of cursing them for leaving you or finding faults with them, it is the time to start doing something to improve yourself and make yourself a better person, so that more and more people should attach to you and not run away from you.

Coming back to the topic, as you allow more freedom and choice to the people around you, and yet better, as you motivate and support them to make the most of their lives, they will start respecting and loving you more and more. This is the time when you learn that the more you try to possess a person, the more he moves away from you whereas the more you liberate a person from conditions, the closer he comes to you. So what is possession according to you, may actually work as a runaway signal for most people around you whereas what is liberty or letting go according to you, may actually make you possess your near and dear ones with even greater strength.

Hence, the better a person you are and the more freedom you are willing to give to the people around you, the more closely they are going to stick to you. It may sound strange but it is a wise truth. Almost no one wants to leave a person who is good enough for them and who at the same time provides them sufficient freedom to enjoy their lives in their own ways, at times. On the contrary, most people will do anything to ensure that they don’t lose a person who is good and who is motivating and supporting them to make the most of their lives. Accordingly, they tend to stick closer to this person to let him know that he holds much value in their life and they don’t want to move away even if this person has given them choices and freedom to do so.

Understanding the root cause of this problem of being too possessive and then doing repeated conscious acts to treat this problem, will eventually get you rid of this problem and you will be able to get more from your life, especially in the sphere of relationships.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari