Being too Possessive 02

Heaven and Hell Within Part 02

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As this fear gets stronger, you talk to your girlfriend and tell her that she should not talk to this guy and in order to convince her, you may give her many reasons or logics why should she not talk to this guy. Your girlfriend may feel uncomfortable with your approach but since it is your first time or one of the first few times you have done such a thing to her, she may accept your wish and stop talking to that guy. As the time goes by, you keep telling her not to speak to this guy, that guy and many other guys and as the number of guys she can’t speak to increases, her level of discomfort also increases and this is where she feels the need to move away from you as you are restricting her choices according to your wish and this is something no one likes.

Hence she may decide to keep talking to many such guys, you have asked her not to talk to. This creates tension between the two of you and you try even harder to convince her not to talk to these guys and not do many other things also which you have told her to stop doing but she keeps doing them. The harder you try to stop her, the worse your situation becomes and a point comes when your girlfriend finds you too much to handle and she decides to move away from you or break up with you.

Similarly, you may keep investigating her Facebook, Whatsapp or other social networking activities and you may keep asking her about her equation or relation with a particular person or more than one person she’s been interacting with, through one of her social networking profiles. As you keep demanding more and more explanations about who is this person, who is that person, why are you talking to or chatting with him so much, and all other such type of questions which convey a message to her that you doubt and restrict her; she starts feeling more and more uncomfortable and restricted in this relationship.

Finally a stage comes when driven by your continuous doubts and restrictions, she breaks up with you and instead of realizing your mistake, you start thinking that your doubts were true and she was not loyal to you. Such thoughts give even more strength to your habit of being too possessive due to which, you start investigating the affairs of your new girlfriend with even more intensity which is obviously going to cause more problems only. The outcome is obvious, which is the fact that you are going to lose this girlfriend too, sooner or later. You see, you have lost one more girlfriend only due to your habit of being too possessive and it is not just one girlfriend or one person, but you are going to lose many more important and dear people with the passage of time, due to this negative habit of being too possessive. Hence you should consider treating this negative habit before it causes too much damage.

Looking at some ways to treat this habit, start releasing your possessions one by one, and from a small scale. At the first level, start giving away your old and useless clothing items or any other such items mentioned above that you may have kept even when you don’t have any use for them. In order to get best results, either give these items to needy people if they can still be used by someone, or throw them away if they can’t be used by anyone at all, instead of exchanging them for something in return. Care should be taken that you should not give away many of your old items in a single go at this first level and you should start giving them away one by one separated by some time.

This is due to the reason that if you give away many of your unused items at once, you may do so in a bout of motivation but your subconscious mind is not prepared for such a big release of your possessions and accordingly, it will start giving you very bad feelings or vibes and it will start making you feel uncomfortable. When it happens, you will start regretting your decision of giving away these things and you may decide to quit this whole practice altogether. In the worst case, you may even try to get back some of the things you have given away as you have a strong feeling of loss inside you and you want to undo this loss.

Hence start this practice by giving away such things at first, which are small, useless and which at the same time, you feel the most comfortable to release. This way, you are only doing a small conscious act of giveaway and through this act; you send a signal to your subconscious mind that you are now ready to release your possessions. Your subconscious mind will definitely put resistance but as it is a small giveaway and you are not much attached to it, you can definitely do it with some will power and with the help of your conscious mind. Once you have done it, wait for a day or two and then give away the next thing on your list which is once again small, useless for you and the one you are not much attached to.

As you keep releasing these items on regular intervals, say one of them every day, you keep sending more and more signals to your subconscious mind that you now want to release some of your possessions and you are no more a too possessive person. As more and more of these signals reach your subconscious mind by virtue of these specifically targeted conscious acts, your subconscious mind starts paying attention to these new messages and accordingly, it starts sending fewer fears and less resistance when you want to let go of something that you possess. As this practice continues, these messages start taking the shape of a script and once this script starts replacing the old script, your subconscious mind stops sending any fears or resistance and instead, it starts motivating you to release more and more of such items which have limited or no use for you.

Finally, a time comes when you start feeling that in order to let go of some of your possessions, you don’t have to think much and you don’t have to do much conscious effort and it is all being done naturally and easily, which means your subconscious mind is doing it now; you are ready for the next level.

At the next level, start sharing some of your things and possessions with your near and dear ones. At this level, these are not the things which are useless for you but these are the things which are useful for you but you still share them with your near and dear ones, as and when they need these things. For example, if a friend asks you for your car for a couple of days and you can afford to do so as you have one or more than one other cars which are sufficient for you, go ahead and lend him your car. At this stage you may still feel uncomfortable while lending your car as you are still recovering from the negative habit of being too possessive, but this feeling of being uncomfortable is not very strong now and you can deal with and win over this feeling with conscious effort and will power.

At the same time, your subconscious mind will also motivate you somewhat, to lend this car to your friend though it may also send some fears telling you not to lend your car to your friend. This is due to the reason that even at this stage, the old script of being too possessive has not been completely replaced by the new script of letting go, and it has only been partly replaced. Therefore, you might get mixed signals from your subconscious mind where some of these signals come in form of fears stopping you from doing so and some of these signals may come in form of motivational voices, asking you to go ahead and do it. Since your subconscious mind is divided at this stage and your conscious mind is on your side, the chances are fairly high that you will be able to lend your car to your friend.

As you complete this task, you send one more signal to your subconscious mind that you are now ready to release or share, even the possessions which are bigger and useful and this message makes more changes to the script written on your subconscious mind. Now start doing more and more of such conscious acts of giving away or sharing your things or possessions with other people around you who may need them from time to time. As you keep sharing and releasing your possessions more and more, you send more and more messages to your subconscious mind where these messages say that you now wish to release and share even your valuable possessions. With such repeated messages, the old script written on your subconscious mind becomes weaker and weaker whereas the new script gains more and more strength.

You can now start lending money also to your friends or relatives who need this money from time to time and you will find that it is not very difficult for you to do so now. This is once again due to the reason that your subconscious mind is now working more and more according to the new script written on it and by you, through your conscious efforts and hence your subconscious mind stops putting resistance when you wish to engage in one of such acts. On the contrary, your subconscious mind starts motivating you to engage in more and more such acts as this is what the new script says and accordingly, the subconscious mind supports you and gives you feelings of comfort whenever you chose to engage in one such act.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari