Being too Possessive 01

Heaven and Hell Within Part 02

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This problem like many other problems is once again a problem of the subconscious mind which is initiated by your specific conscious efforts and which eventually writes a script on your subconscious mind that you don’t want to let go of anything whether it is a person, thing or place that you want for yourself or that you consider is yours. Though this problem can hinder your progress in professional spheres also but it inflicts maximum damage in the sphere of relationships. The people suffering from this problem do badly at maintaining relationships and the other parties involved in relationships usually get out at one point of time or the other. This is because the people suffering from this problem are so possessive that they want to control most things in the lives of the people who are in any type of relationship with them, whether friends, girlfriends or boyfriends, husbands or wives, some relatives or anyone else having any other type of relationship with them.

For example, if one of these people is your friend, he will keep telling you from time to time what to do and what not to do, where to go and where not to go and most annoying of all, who to meet or make friends with and who not to meet and make friends with. These people naturally assume that they have a right to stop you from meeting anyone they don’t like and they have a right to stop you from doing anything that they don’t like, not knowing that it is your life and not theirs and whereas you may respect their opinion but you don’t want their instructions on how to live your life. As they keep telling you things to do and things not to do again and again, and as they keep putting pressure on you to do as they say, you start feeling uncomfortable and restricted in their company as they tend to come too close for comfort, and this is the time you decide to move away from them.

But even moving away from these people is not easy and they put much resistance and drama in order to stop you from doing so. They try to do anything possible in their reach, to stop you from leaving them and in doing so, all they accomplish is to irritate and offend you even more. This is because you are leaving them due to too much interference, too much emotional drama and too much threatening many times during your relationship with them, and instead of controlling these habits, they tend to use even more of them while trying to stop you from moving out of the relationship. This is what makes you more uncomfortable as these are the habits which forced you to leave them in the first place and all they are doing is, giving more and more of these habits to you. Hence this problem becomes a real cause of concern as it becomes stronger and once it reaches a certain strength, it starts causing damage at a fast pace, especially in the sphere of relationships.

Let’s now discuss some symptoms of this negative habit so that you may be able to decide whether or not you are suffering from this negative habit. Most people suffering from this habit have a collection of clothes, which is far beyond their financial status and more than that, which is far beyond their requirement. Though many people who are financially well capable, can have a large collection of clothes but what separate them from the people under investigation, is that the people suffering from this problem have in their collection, the clothes which are three, four, five, six or even more number of years old. I hope you all get the point now and if you don’t, let’s look deeper.

The people who don’t have this negative habit usually keep buying new clothes and keep retiring or giving away old clothes to other people for free or in exchange for something. Normal people start finding ways to dispose most clothing items which are more than two or three year old and they don’t tend to keep these items for as long as five years or even more. Yes, there are always some special clothing items which most of us may keep even for ten years but I am not talking about some special items and I’m talking about most items in general. If you keep some special items even for ten years, that is fine but if you tend to keep most of these items for five years or more, it certainly is a problem.

There are people who may not be able to afford new clothes very often and hence they may keep such items for more than five years, which is again fine and it doesn’t make them suffer from this habit. The people who suffer from this habit keep their clothes with them for many years, even when they are buying new clothes every now and then, they are hardly wearing their old clothes and they don’t seem to have any use for those old clothes. Hence they don’t have any valid or healthy reason for keeping old or very old clothes as they don’t have any use for them but they are still keeping them as it is very hard for them to let go of their clothes even if they don’t need them anymore. This is what separates them from other people and this is what should be checked while investigating such a case.

Moving on, these people may have many pairs of old and seldom used shoes even when they have purchased many new ones and they are not wearing the old ones any longer; some very old magazines or comic books for which they don’t have any use or plan but they are still keeping them; very old watches which they don’t wear now and some of which are not working even; bottles of perfumes which are very old and not used now and some of which may even be empty bottles; some old coins or currency notes which are not used in present day and time; very old and torn wallets, handbags or purses which once again have no use; old and useless lipsticks, nail color bottles some of which may not have anything in them and they are just empty bottles; very old and useless hair bands, ribbons and other such materials; old audio cassettes, audio CDs, video cassettes, video CDs, DVDs, old portable or other types of video games and other such things which once again don’t have any use now but they are still being kept, not because they are intended to be used in future but because these people don’t want to release them, even if they find no use for these items.

Looking at few more items of this type, these people may keep with them; old electrical wires which have not been used for many years now; old telephone cables and other such wires or cables which have been useless for many years but which are still being kept; old telephone sets, old mobiles handsets and other such devices which don’t have any use now; old and damaged batteries of different sizes; old pieces of wood which were once part of some wooden furniture and which are now lying useless for years; some items of broken and useless furniture or other such domestic items which once again don’t have any use; and many other such items which are old and useless but which are still being kept.

It should be noted that many among us may have a habit of keeping one or two of the above mentioned items with us even when we don’t have any use for them, and it is perfectly normal to do so as we may have some emotional value or some importance attached to those items. But if you are keeping most of the old things with you and not releasing them, you are certainly suffering from this problem. This is because, you are not doing it in case of certain special items but you are doing it in case of most items that you possess and hence you are not doing it as exception but you are doing it as a rule. The point here is to ignore single points or events and look for patterns to confirm this habit as well as most other habits also. It means if you are having one or two symptoms of a negative habit, they may be exceptions and the reason for those symptoms may be something else, but if you are doing most things signifying a habit, you are doing them as a rule or habit and in this case, you do have this habit whether you know it or not.

As you keep many of the old items with you even when you don’t have much use for them and even when you may not have sufficient space for them and you may have to make space for these items with difficulty, you keep sending signals to your subconscious mind that you don’t want to release or let go of anything that belongs to you and you want to keep your things with you even if you don’t have any use for them. You send such signals each time you engage in conscious acts of keeping such old and useless things with you, and as these signals keep reaching your subconscious mind, a script is finally written on your subconscious mind, which says you are not comfortable with letting anything go and you want to keep your things with you even if they have become useless.

As your subconscious mind registers this script and starts working according to this script, this habit keeps gaining more and more strength with passing time and more experiences. Finally, a stage reaches when this habit is no longer limited to some old and useless things, but it starts showing its effects with bigger things, places and with people also. This is the time when a close friend asks for your car for a few days and you refuse to lend it even when he has a valid reason for borrowing it and you have one or more than one other cars, which means you can easily afford to lend this car to this friend in need. This may not put an end to your friendship but it certainly compels your friend to re-evaluate your friendship and think whether he wants you as a friend any longer or not.

And though you may have really wanted to lend your car to this friend who is close to you and who may have helped you many times in your life, but you are simply not able to do it and it is too much to ask for you. This is due to the reason that a person who is not comfortable with letting go of some useless clothes or shoes, can almost never bring himself to do a big thing like parting from his car for a few days. Moving on, a close friend or a relative asks for some money either as a permanent help or he asks you to lend it to him for a few months, and you once again come up with an excuse that you are not able to lend this money to him even when you can afford to do so with ease. This is once again due to the reason that you have trained your subconscious mind not to let go of even the smallest of your possessions and accordingly it puts great resistance when it comes to part with big or very big of your possessions.

Hence you won’t be able to lend this money to your close friend or relative, even if you can afford to do so and even if you wish to do so, as this wish is against the script written on your subconscious mind and as you already know by now, whenever there is a conflict between your conscious desire and the script written on your subconscious mind, your subconscious mind will win in most such cases. Even if you succeed in lending this money to a close friend in a rare case, you start feeling uncomfortable and you start asking them to return your money long before they have promised to return it, under the context of fake needs you have created. All such practices force the people around you to re-evaluate their relationship with you and slowly but surely, most people around you start leaving you or keeping a safe distance from you, which means they also start making excuses when you need their help in future.

This negative habit can drive your nearest ones away in many other ways too. For example, if you have a girlfriend, you try to possess her also like many other things you possess and in doing so, you may actually push her away from yourself. Whenever your girlfriend is talking to some other guy, you start feeling uncomfortable as you consider her as one of your possessions and you don’t have a habit of sharing your possessions with other people or letting go of your possessions. This habit gives birth to a fear which says that the other guy talking to your girlfriend may take her away from you and you may have to part with such a dear possession.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari