Negative Attitude 01

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                                               Their Glass is always half Empty

Negative attitude is one of the biggest hurdles in your path to success and hence you need to act with utmost urgency if you know or find that you have a negative mindset or attitude or a negative way of looking at things. A negative attitude will keep making the conscious and the subconscious mind more and more negative. Accordingly, it will make everything and everyone go away from you as no good things and people can stay with a person who has a negative attitude.

An interesting fact about people with negative attitude is that many times these people themselves don’t know that they suffer from this problem and instead they may think that they are comparatively reserved or choosy in nature but not negative in attitude. If such is the case with anyone of you and you are not able to decide whether you are suffering from this problem or not, let me help you out in deciding, with the help of some guidelines and examples.

The most prominent feature of the personality of the people with negative attitude is that when they look at people or things, most of the time they look for their flaws first and their first opinion about most people or things is negative. It is a fact that almost all the people as well as all the things in this world have good as well as bad characteristics though some of them may have more good ones and some others may have more bad ones. A person with a positive attitude will almost always first look for the positive qualities or characteristics of a person whereas a person with a negative attitude will almost always spot the negative characteristic of a person. Some of these people are so good at being negative that they are able to spot a negative trait of a person or a thing at first look, even if it is the only negative trait that this person or thing may have. This proves the line which says that you always find what you truly look for. These people look for negative traits in people and things, with all their heart, conscious and subconscious mind, and accordingly they find negative things only.

And let’s now look at some real life examples in order to understand this negative trait in a better way. In real life, you will hear people with negative attitudes saying things like, “look that woman is wearing an out of fashion dress” even though the woman may be looking beautiful in that dress; or, “that guy standing in that corner has a bad taste in shoes” even though the guy may otherwise be looking handsome; or, “look, this new car has some dirt on its bumper”, even though the car may be otherwise clean; or “that girl is not wearing a matching pair of shoes”, “that guy does not know how to shave properly”, “this park is so noisy” even though it may be a very beautiful park; “these kids should not play in front of our house” even though it’s a common place and all kids play there; “that woman is too short”, “that guy is too tall”, “your grandma speaks too much”, “your grandpa speaks too little”, “your brother smiles too much”, “your sister smiles too little”, “the food is less salty”, “the water is too cold” and millions of other such things.

The essence of all these examples is that such people will always look for negative traits in people, things and places instead of looking for the positive ones. They are good at spotting negative traits and don’t bother much about finding positive traits in people, things or places. This is because through conscious engagement in negative attitudes, they have written a script on their subconscious mind to the effect that they only want to look for negative things. Accordingly, their subconscious mind helps them when they try to spot drawbacks or weaknesses. Since they have the support of their subconscious mind, they are exceptionally good at finding negative traits. All they really want to see are negative traits and accordingly they see negative traits only.

One more interesting fact about these people is that many times, the negative trait that they are seeing in a person, thing or place may not actually be present in such person, thing or place and they may only be perceiving that this person has that negative trait. For this reason such people may be able to build mountains of negativity out of a mole of negativity. Hence if you ask these people to find and tell 5 bad things about a person, they will do so with much ease in most cases whereas if you ask these people to find and tell 5 good things about a person, you will find that they are really struggling hard in finding those 5 things and some of them may not be able to succeed even after their best conscious effort.

Another worth mentioning feature of these people is that many times they speak with a negative clause in their sentences when they could have simply done it with a simple positive sentence. For example, if they are asked a choice between tea and coffee, they will say something like, “I will have coffee as I don’t like tea” whereas a person with a positive attitude will simply say, “I will have coffee”. Likewise they can often be found using other negative phrases like, “Out of these two cars I like the red one as I don’t like green color” instead of simply saying “I like the red one more”; or “I will watch a movie as I don’t like watching football” instead of simply saying “I will watch a movie”, and many other such sentences. These people may have done well with simple positive sentences but they choose to put some negative clause in most of their sentences.

The reason once again is their negative attitude which wants to find the bad in people and things and accordingly even if they like something, they may add a clause which says that they don’t like something else when this something else may not be needed in that sentence. These people have written such a strong script of finding the bad in people and finding ways to complain and criticize, on their subconscious mind that it continuously keep working to insert negative clauses even in their sentences. If any one of you has reached such a stage where even most simple sentences are coming negative out of your mouth, you really need some hard work to do in order to get out of such a strong negative attitude.

Such is the power of a true negative mind and this is why such an attitude is one of the biggest problems that one may face while moving forward with his life and while achieving good things in various spheres of his life. Such people are especially likely to do bad or very bad in human relations as they keep finding faults with others who are in touch or in relationship with them due to which other people start avoiding them sooner or later.

There are various other branches of this habit of negative attitude and some of them are, not trusting other people and even the very near ones, doubting most people and then even doubting yourself, criticizing other people a lot, finding ways to complain in various spheres of your life on account of one excuse or the other and other such negative traits which are basically all rooted in this bigger problem of negative attitude. Hence in order to treat any one of these negative traits mentioned above, you will need to treat the root of these habits which is negative attitude.

As these people have serious lack of trust, it becomes very difficult for them to trust most people who come in touch with them and accordingly they do very poor at human relations. This is because, if you are not able to trust most people around you, you will never be able to open up with them and you will never be able to start doing something big with them or through them as you always keep doubting that they will cheat you at one point or the other. Hence you keep yourself restricted and accordingly you start pushing other people away from you and sooner or later, most people who come in touch with you, start feeling uncomfortable with you and they move away from you since you are not able to give them the trust they deserve.

These people often try to find ways to complain against someone or something and this is one more problem which makes it difficult for them to succeed as the attitude of excessive complaining and excessive criticism will ultimately drive most of the good people away from them since no good person likes to be criticized again and again for the things or situations where he did not do much wrong or anything wrong at all. Hence, this habit is very destructive when it comes to human relations and especially in case of love affairs and marriages as the other person involved in the equation gets tired of continuous complaints made by this person with negative attitude, continuous doubts raised by him and excessive criticism done by him. Finally, the partner of this person having negative attitude moves away from him, in most of such cases. So, if you have this habit of negative attitude whether it is strong at this point or it has just gained some strength, it is important to start treating it as it will finally close all the doors of this world for you.

Looking at some techniques or activities which may come handy when you start treating this habit of negative attitude, we should once again look at the root cause of this problem at first and then take appropriate steps to treat this problem from the root. The root cause of negative attitude is the lack of trust in people and a strong subconscious tendency to find negative traits in people, things and places. Accordingly, we will need to address it from the root of the problem and here is how to start doing this treatment with the help of some really easy activities.

Since you have a strong subconscious tendency to look for bad things in people, things and places, so in order to treat your problem in the most effective way, you have to start engaging in small but conscious activities of finding good and finding beauty in people, things and places. This will start overwriting the previous script on your subconscious mind and you will finally develop a subconscious habit of seeing good in people, things and places which in other words means that you will develop a positive attitude which may seem far away from this point but which can certainly be reached and the following activities will help you achieve this goal.

As a first step, take a scenario when you are alone and no one is with you since this way, no one will judge you and you can take all the time and effort that you need in order to improve yourself. Now start with a small activity like opening your Facebook account 5 to 10 times daily and then look for the friends who have updated their status with pictures, thoughts or other types of updates. Start observing them and try to find something good about each one of them or about most of them. Let’s say you start with finding a good thing about every picture that your friends post and then comment on that picture with the mention of that good thing. For example, if someone is wearing a wow looking shirt, notice it and point it out in your comment which may be something like, “this shade of red suits you a lot” or “you look really good in this shade of blue”. Likewise, if a friend is wearing a very good pair of ear rings, notice it and point it out in your comment which may once again be something like, “very beautiful picture and especially your ear rings which add much more to your beauty”.

It should be noted that the whole point of doing this activity is to make a conscious effort of finding good things about people, things and places and hence you should never try this activity with universally proven formal comments like, “nice pic, beautiful pic, you look nice or simply saying nice”. This is because if you choose to type such comments, you won’t engage your conscious mind in any type of activity and hence you won’t see any results. But when you try to find one or two good things in a picture, you will engage your conscious mind in this practice and this is what we need to treat you. Though it may seem like an easy job to you but it is not as your habit of negative attitude will make it very difficult for you to find good, particularly in the beginning.

For example, when you start with the first picture that anyone in your friend list has posted, the first things that you notice will be bad things or negative points in that picture, but don’t worry as this is the natural you with a habit of negative attitude. So try again and find one good thing or point about that picture and then mention that point in your comment. Even though it may take you a long time to do so with your first few pictures, but as I said, you have the luxury of all the time you need and in addition to that, no one is there to judge you. It should also be noted that your overall comment should be positive and it should not be a negative one with a positive part like, “oh I love your ear rings though your dress should have been a bit brighter” or “this red really suits you a lot though my favorite is green” and other comments like this where despite the positive thing you noticed and put in, the overall comment is negative.


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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari