Lack of Trust 01

Heaven and Hell Within Part 02

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Lack of trust in most people, things and situations around you is one negative habit which is increasing at a rapid rate and as a result, more and more people are falling preys to this negative habit. Many people think that it has become very difficult to trust most people around them in this day and age, because most people will breach their trust and betray them in the end. Accordingly, these people choose a safer way to operate, which is not to trust most people they meet or interact with and sometimes, not to trust even the people who are very close to them.

There are no doubts that not trusting most people around you and taking a very cautious and suspicious approach most of the time, can save you from being cheated and being hurt in most cases, but such an attitude is not free to enjoy and it comes at a cost, like all other things in this world. On the one hand, this practice may protect you from being cheated or hurt many times but on the other hand, it can keep you away from many such beautiful people and situations which could have changed your life and made it so much more beautiful, had you practiced trust with those people or in those situations, instead of practicing your usual lack of trust.

Most people suffering from this negative habit of lack of trust have a firm belief that this world has become a scary place and most people are not worthy of being trusted. This belief of theirs is not baseless and these people can tell you many of their life experiences when they trusted people and they ended up getting cheated or hurt. As this happened time and time again with them, they started getting more and more scared of people and accordingly, the decided not to trust most people around them as they feared they would end up getting heart like before.

This problem starts when a person trusts someone and gets cheated or hurt in return for the very first time, as the other person breaches his trust and hurts him. This person, through this experience of being hurt, sends a signal to his subconscious mind that trusting other people can result in a loss and caution should be taken before trusting someone. Since this is the first message, it does not make much difference as the subconscious mind doesn’t take it seriously, though this message has marked the beginning of a probable new script which is going to be written on the subconscious mind.

As this person trusts someone again and as he gets hurt again, one more message of ‘be careful while trusting someone’ is sent to his subconscious mind and this time this message is taken more seriously by the subconscious mind though this message also doesn’t make a big difference. This process keeps going as this person keeps getting hurt every now and then after trusting someone and he keeps sending more messages of ‘be careful while trusting someone’. As more and more such messages of ‘don’t trust anyone easily’ are sent to the subconscious mind, a stage comes when these messages become strong enough to write a new script on the subconscious mind, a script which says ‘don’t trust anyone easily’, and a script which has initiated a problem of lack of trust in this person.

Though this new script has been written but even at this stage, the problem is not as bad as it can get because this script is still new and it reads ‘don’t trust easily’. As this state of affair continues, this person starts trusting fewer and fewer people and if it happens that even some more people out of the few people he trusts, hurt him, this person sends more signals to his subconscious mind and with increasing number of such acts of being hurt, these signals change from ‘don’t’ trust easily’ to ‘don’t trust at all’. This is when this problem has reached the maximum level and this is when this person starts suffering from lack of trust with a very high intensity.

As a result, he stops trusting most people around him even though they may be the close ones, and instead, he starts doubting most people around him as he is constantly afraid that most other people may hurt him if he trusts them and accordingly he doesn’t trust them and he starts doubting them. All this is happening because his subconscious mind is sending him the vibes of ‘don’t trust’ in the form of various types of fears due to which this person is not able to trust most people around him as these voices are constantly scaring him against trusting anyone.

Hence this person stops trusting almost anyone and this is where various types of problems start bothering him. This person starts suffering in the spheres of profession, relationships and all other important spheres of his life because in order to make the most in any sphere of your life, you have to trust other people, you have to give them responsibilities, you have to believe in them as well as believe in what they are saying or conveying to you because without doing so, almost none of your relationships whether professional or personal, are going to work in the best possible way.

As you are not capable of handing over important jobs or responsibilities to people and then trust them with these responsibilities, as you are not capable of believing in most of what these people are telling you and as you keep doubting most of what these people are telling you or trying to do for you, most people around you notice your lack of trust towards them and they start feeling uncomfortable. Though many of these people may try to win your trust by giving you some time to assess them fairly while your relationship with them is still new, but most of them start reconsidering the whole point of their relationship with you, when you keep lacking trust in them and you keep doubting them, even after a fairly long period of time has passed.

This may be your defense mechanism which protects you from getting hurt by other people, but this defense mechanism has reached a stage where it is hurting more and more people in order to protect you from being hurt. So the problem has not been treated or cured but it has only reversed the donors and recipients, which means that earlier you trusted people and some of those people hurt you whereas now you are hurting more and more people by not giving them a fair amount of trust, even when they deserve it. Hence instead of getting hurt by people, you have started hurting them due to this negative habit of lack of trust that you have developed and which is getting stronger and stronger with each passing day and moment.

When this habit of lack of trust reaches very high levels, the people suffering from this habit start exhibiting obvious lack of trust even in their small day to day jobs. For example, these people are likely to; check a glass or cup filled with some drink, and make sure if the glass or cup is not dirty from any place; hesitate a lot in having any drink or some other eatable offered by someone else if this item is new for them and they don’t know much about it; feel uncomfortable or respond negatively if someone requests them for using their cell phone, laptop or some other personal gadget for a short period of time on account of some urgent call to be made or some urgent work to be done by this person; not pay attention to someone’s advice even when such advice is good and it can benefit them; and ignore the request of help if it is made by someone, like if someone is standing on the road side and he is asking for a lift, these people will almost never stop and offer such lift.

Looking at more examples, these people are likely to; read more and more such material and watch more and more such movies and TV shows where someone gets seriously hurt after trusting the people around them; not share most of their intimate feelings and experiences even with the closest people in their circle; not accept a new friend request on a social networking portal like Facebook, even if the person is from the same gender and already has a good number of mutual friends; have a limited or very limited number of friends on social networking portals as well as in real life; not share their food with someone else or eat from someone else’s food like many people eating from the same plate; neither wear someone else’s clothes or shoes nor offer their own clothes and shoes if someone else wishes to use them; feel uncomfortable when one of their friends meets another one of their friends and they both wish to meet and know each other more often; and do many other such things which exhibit their habit of lack of trust in almost everyone and everything, on a subconscious level.

Though I can quote dozen more such examples, I guess the point I want to convey has been conveyed already, and you have understood how you can identify if you are suffering from this habit of lack of trust in most other people. As you keep practicing this habit in your day to day life even without your conscious knowledge; though you have developed and you practice this habit only as a defense mechanism, it starts hurting other people and most people around you start feeling insulted by the fact that you don’t trust them enough and you keep yourself closely guarded from them, even after a long period of time.

As a result, most of these people start moving away from you under one pretence or the other and most of them will tell you the exact reason why they are doing so. This is because some of them themselves don’t know the exact reason of your lack of trust in them and all they know is that you make them feel uncomfortable from time to time, whereas some other people do know the exact reason of you suffering from a problem of lack of trust, but they don’t want to throw it in your face. Since in both the cases, you don’t get to know the reason why most people around you are moving away from you, it makes you think again and again that these people were in fact not worthy of being trusted as they have moved away from you without any valid reason.

You may even think that some of these people actually wanted to get something out of you and when they were not able to do so, as you kept yourself guarded closely, they moved away from you. Such thoughts reassure you that you are right in not trusting most people as they are exhibiting behaviors which are not worthy of being trusted. These reassurances send even stronger signals of ‘don’t’ trust’ to your subconscious mind and as a result, you start keeping yourself away from most people, with even more strength. Hence a vicious circle has started as you are losing more and more people due to your habit of lack of trust in them and each one of such losses is further intensifying your problem of lack of trust.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari