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If his business is genuinely not going good and he tells you this honestly; your mood may change at once. Though he may be telling you pure truth; you may get upset as you may consider it as an excuse to ask for more time. Your expectations may tell you that bad business means less money and less money means no money for you. All this is going inside you and it may have got nothing to do with reality. As this happens, you may start getting into the details of why his business is not going good and how bad it is. Though you may show genuine concern on the outside; deep down you only want to know how good or bad your chances of getting your money back on time are : )
As you keep doing so, your brother may notice it and probably another member of your family may also notice it. When it comes to your brother; he may not like what you’re doing because you’re investigating him for money at a family dinner; when you should be asking him about his health, family or any other such thing. You may express subconscious but obvious signs of anxiety as well as distrust and this is what can create negativity in the relationship.
In reality, it may be the case that your brother may be trying for a financial loan so that he may return your money or he may even be looking for you to give him more time. If he gets the loan and he returns your money on time; you’ve created this negativity without any reasons and whether you know it or not; you’ve spoiled a genuine act of help through your expectations. It means that instead of feeling purely thankful to you for this help; your brother may feel more like being insulted by you as you may have done things like you did over this dinner; many times during this year; particularly as the deadline approached closer.
Through your subconscious expressions, you may have told him again and again that your money is more important for you than he is; and this is what can affect this relationship in a negative way. I mean when you keep talking about financial matters even at family events and your subconscious expressions make it obvious that you’re doing so in order to make sure that your money is returned on time; money is indeed more important for you than your brother is. You may investigate, distrust or even indirectly insult your brother for your money and hence you may end up gaining more negativity through this act than you may gain positivity.
People often wonder that how come the people they help are thankless and some of them even turn against them? The primary reason lies in your expectations related to the return of such help or favor and as these expectations gain strength; you start putting pressure on the other person in subconscious ways. This pressure may disturb the other person and he may move away from you; and this may also happen on subconscious level. It means a person may borrow money from you, he may return it though a little late and he may end up having negative feelings for you, instead of being thankful to you.
This is because you didn’t tell him at the time of lending this money that you’ll directly or indirectly trouble him a lot for this money and you instead offered this money like it is no big deal. Hence he expects it to be no big deal but as time goes by; it does become a big deal and in fact; it may become even bigger than your relationship with this person. Hence you may subconsciously make it clear to him that you value your money more than you value him. Accordingly, he may return your money but he may never be the same with you. He’s understood well that whenever it comes to choose between him and money; you’ll always choose money. As you can understand; no one wants a friend or relative like this and hence he may move away from you; so that he may invest his valuable time in finding someone who loves him more than money.
Coming to the second option, if your brother is not able to return this money on time and he asks for more time; you may give him more time though unwillingly; but you’re almost sure to insult him, though you may do so subconsciously. For instance, you may allow him another three months as he asks and then you may start teaching him how to do his business or how to manage his personal expenses. Though you may consciously think that you’re doing so in order to help him, you’re insulting him in reality; on subconscious level.
When you tell him that he should make such and such changes to his business format; you’re telling him that he’s not smart enough to configure these things on his own and you’re also pressurizing him to make more money from business so that your money should be returned at the earliest. You may also advise him to cut down on some of his family or personal expenses as saving money is a good habit according to you. You’re once again insulting him as well as pressurizing him to return you money at the earliest; on a subconscious level.
Through this advice, you’re telling him that he should reduce his expenses if needed, in order to return your money at the earliest. You see, money is once again more important for you than your brother is; and he may be smart enough to notice it. This is because you never gave him unasked advice about his business or personal expenses before he borrowed money from you. Since you’re doing it for the first time and your subconscious expressions show concern for your money as well as disrespect for him as he’s not been able to return your money on time; it may be easy for him to understand your true intentions.
Whether or not he’s able to return your money on time or at all; one thing is sure and that is the fact that your relationship with your brother may never be as healthy as it was before you offered him this financial help. Isn’t it strange that you helped him in time of need and this help brought negativity in the relationship? You may blame your brother for this negativity and you may even call him thankless; majority of this negativity has been generated by you in reality, though on subconscious level; and hence you’re the first one to be blamed for spoiling this relationship.
Kindly understand that help in its purest sense doesn’t come with expectations for return of any type and this rule becomes even more important when you’re helping a loved one. This is because the expectations for return can make you behave in negative ways and doing so can spoil your relationship, whatever such relationship may be. Hence if you can’t afford to help without expectations for return; you should reduce the quantum of such help to the extent which you can afford to forget or you should refuse to help at all.
This is what your conscience knows perfectly and that is why it may guide you well in advance that your money may not come back at all, in the worst possible case. It should be noted that in the deepest sense, any act of help initiated by you may become the cause of bringing hell to you, instead of bringing heaven to you; if such act is initiated with high expectations of return and that too at the earliest. This is because the quantum of return as well as the timing of return is primarily decided by the variables beyond your control or beyond anyone’s control for that matter and hence you should not have such expectations to start with.
As these expectations may or may not be met; they may bring heaven or hell to you. Even if they bring heaven to you; which means they bring the results expected by you as well as in the time expected by you; this is just another step towards hell. This is due to the reason that as you receive one such result; you may very likely start engaging in other acts of the same type, with same or even higher expectations. The chances of such expectations being met are low due to the outside variables but you may still choose to gamble as the previous gamble paid out for you. Even if the outside variables favor you this time also and you win; it may only encourage you to gamble one more time.
Hence you may keep doing so until the outside variables become unfavorable and this is the time you start coming across hell. It is like you bet on a particular number in a casino and you win out of luck. This encourages you to place one more bet and say you win once again, which encourages you even more. Accordingly; you may start gambling again and again; till the time you’ve lost everything or the casino is out of money. Since we don’t see casinos running out of money much often; the chances are high that you’ll end up losing everything if you keep playing.
Therefore, if you choose to play with expectations for results, you’re inviting hell in both the cases. It means if you lose in the first attempt, a smaller but quicker hell awaits you. On the other hand, if you lose after winning a number of times; the hell may come to you late but it may be a much bigger hell. This is because in the first case, you may not have lost much as you may not have had much to lose. However in the second case, you may lose a lot more than you did in the first case and this is what makes your hell bigger.
For instance, if you go to a casino; you bet Rs. 100 and you lose this bet straight away; your loss is Rs. 100 according to you. However, if you win this bet, you place another bet with the amount you’ve won, you win again and you keep doing the same until you place a bet of Rs. 1 million which have come from winnings; this is what may happen if you lose. Though in this case also, your net loss is Rs. 100, you may be completely convinced that it is Rs. 1 million. This is why your hell may come late in this case but the size of this hell may be much bigger than the size of hell in the first case.
In the first case, you may walk out of this casino with a feeling of loss which is equal to losing Rs. 100 whereas in the second case; you may walk out of this casino with a feeling of loss which is equal to losing Rs. 1 million. It should be noted that when you entered this casino; you had Rs. 100 in both these cases and hence your net loss is Rs. 100 in both these cases. Hence your hell is the same in both these cases in reality; but you may be under the illusion that this hell is much bigger in the second case. When it comes to illusions, you know that your ego is the best at the art of creating them.
It is your ego which makes you believe that as soon as you win something, it is yours. Kindly understand that in reality; this game starts when you start playing and it ends once you stop playing. Whatever happens in between is momentary and hence it should not be considered as the true or the final result. However, your ego may put black glasses on your eyes like always; and hence you may feel like losing Rs. 1 million when your actual loss is Rs. 100. It is your ego which brings smaller hell to you by luring you to gamble in order to multiply your money in the first case and it is your ego once again which brings a much bigger hell to you when seen through black glasses; by pushing you to keep playing in order to win more and more.
Your conscience on the other hand guides you that a gamble is a gamble and sooner or later; you are bound to lose it. Hence it offers you two options, both of which may be equally good though in different ways. Your conscience may tell you that you should either be prepared to lose the amount you’re willing to bet; without any regrets at all or you should not gamble at all. As you choose one of these options, your hell goes away. This is because you’re prepared to lose Rs. 100 and hence you may not be bothered if it is lost.
Kindly understand that in reality; losing money doesn’t bring hell to you and the feeling of loss against your wish or expectation is what brings hell to you. Since you’ve already gone through this feeling with complete conscious awareness before placing this bet; this loss can’t upset you now. You may lose money now but this loss may not bring hell to you because this loss is not happening against your expectation in this case and you’ve already expected it. This means you’ve consciously lived this moment of losing this money; even before placing this bet and hence this moment can’t bother you now, through repetition. Hence if you win, heaven is yours and if you lose; you don’t see hell.
Heaven and hell are created by your own mind and outside variables may only serve as media. For example, you may lose an amount of Rs. 10,000 through theft, you may spend it on your son as you may wish to do so, you may donate it to a temple as you may wish to do so, you may spend it on yourself or you may suffer a loss equal to this amount through your profession. In the deepest sense, money is lost in all the cases. However, some of these acts may bring heaven to you; whereas some of them may bring hell to you.
If parting from money is capable of bringing hell; such hell should come to you in each case but in reality; heaven may come to you if you spend it on your son or if you donate it to a temple with your own wish. This is because money is only a medium and real heaven or hell is created by your own mind. As you feel bad after losing this money through theft; hell is created inside you. On the other hand, as you spend this money on your son and you feel good; heaven is created inside you. Your money is gone in both these cases but the end result is hell in the first case and heaven in the second case; depending on how your react to this loss.
Imagine for a moment that you don’t care at all when this money is stolen and you move on with your life like nothing has happened. As you can understand, the loss of money can’t create hell within you in this case because you don’t let such hell to be created within you, by crying over this loss. In fact; losing or gaining money or anything else doesn’t have anything to do with heaven or hell to start with. It is only your interpretation of these events which creates heaven or hell within you.
Whenever you want to lose money for any reason like spending on your son; you consider it good and heaven comes to you. Similarly; when you don’t want to lose money but you do; you feel bad and hell comes to you. For instance, you don’t want to spend it on your son but you have to do it under compulsion. Hence you feel bad after giving this money to him and hell is created. You see, you spent money on your son in both these cases but heaven came to you in the first case and hell came in the second case; depending on how you interpreted the act of spending or losing money.
It is not about money or anything else for that matter, it is about your wishes or expectations in all the cases. If you wish to lose; heaven comes through such loss; If you wish not to lose but you lose, hell comes to you; and if you neither wish to lose nor not to lose; liberation comes to you. This brings us back to the desire element once again as every heaven and every hell is created by your own desires or wishes. If you create desires and they’re fulfilled, heaven comes to you whereas hell comes to you if your desires fail to materialize. Hence it is your wish or desire which brings everything to you.
It means if you want liberation; you have to stop creating desires because no desire means no heaven and no hell as they depend on desires. This state of no heaven or hell is called liberation. If you’re liberated and you are to place the bet under consideration for any reason; you’re only interested in placing this bet and nothing else. It means you feel happy merely by placing this bet and you don’t care about the result of this bet. This brings us back to Nishkaam karma which tells you to derive all your pleasure from the karma itself and not to expect anything from the results or not to expect any results to be precise.
Back to the example, if you win and Rs. 100 becomes Rs. 10,000; your conscience may present the same choice once again, which says if you can easily forget Rs. 10,000, only then you should play or you should walk out. The moment you feel you won’t be able to bear a loss of any given amount that you have at that time; you may walk out and the hell may be avoided once again. It is your ego which may keep showing you the positive extreme only and hence you may keep betting without even a thought whether or not you’ll be able to forget this loss if you lose.
Your conscience on the other hand keeps you aware about both the extremes and hence it helps you reach a balanced decision. Coming back to the example of giving money to your brother, you may choose to help your brother only with the amount you may afford to forget as soon as you give him this amount. In the deepest sense, any amount that you place on any bet is lost as soon as you place such bet and whatever may come back if it does; is your bonus. Your conscience gives you this approach and this approach helps you a lot by expanding your vision.
Some people may think what if you don’t feel comfortable with losing any amount at all when it comes to help your brother; even if you can afford to give him Rs. 1 million? This is not an option in this case and it may happen in case you’re ruled by ego and not by conscience. This is because if you have assets worth Rs. 100 million, you have a good relationship with your brother and you still can’t afford to lose Rs. 1 million or even Rs. 500 thousands for him; you’re a person ruled by ego and not a person ruled by conscience.
Ego encourages you to give priority to material possessions over people in most cases especially when the returns may not be there; whereas conscience helps you realize that people are much more important than money or belongings. Hence your ego may discourage you from helping your brother even when you can as you may have to lose money in the end; but your conscience will never do that. Your conscience will encourage you to help your brother as much as you can or as much as he needs because love comes first and money comes afterwards.
Hence you may give Rs. 1 million to your brother on his conditions and you may forget this amount as soon as you give it to him. This is because if you remember this amount, your expectations may grow and that may affect your relationship with your brother in a negative way as already explained. However if you forget this amount, you don’t get attached to it and hence you are able to enjoy the relationship with your brother in its natural form. When it comes to family dinners, you may now discuss family matters with your brother like you generally do; instead of discussing financial matters and all this may happen subconsciously; once again.
In the first case, you attached more value to money than your brother and hence your subconscious mind helped you talk about money, even at family dinners or at other such events. In this case, you attach more value to your brother than money and hence your subconscious mind helps you talk about family matters, in the most natural way. Just like the first case, your brother may clearly notice that you’re not bothered about your money at all and you value or love him much more than money. Accordingly; he may start respecting and loving you even more and he may do his best to return your money at the earliest.
After all, no brother may want to cheat on a brother who’s good enough to help him out in time of need and at the same time; who values him much more than material things like money. You see, the more you expect returns; more troubles you may invite and as soon as you forget about returns and you focus only on your karma; which is to help your brother in the best possible way in this case; the returns may come faster and they may be more in quantum.
Hence if your brother has an overall positive personality even if it is slightly positive; the chances are high that when you give him Rs. 8 million without talking about the money you gave him a year back; he may return your money at once and he may also start respecting you more. This is because he may understand that you could have deducted the amount he owes you or you could have at least talked about it while giving him Rs. 8 million. Since you did none of these things; it makes you great as he understands that you love him much more than money and this love will certainly bring back love.
With this, we reach another important conclusion; if you want to be loved truly; you have to first learn to love truly. You can only get what you can give and nothing else.
We’ll continue this discussion in the next part of this book and we’ll discuss a number of beautiful things your heart can do.
Lord Shiva Bless You