Heaven and Hell Within Part 4 14

Heaven and Hell Within 04

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This is because she has not closed this sentence and she has kept it open, though in a subconscious way. If she uses sentences like, ‘I’m not interested, I don’t have time for all this or I already have a boyfriend’; these are closed sentences and they leave no choice for you. I’m not interested means she’s not interested in whatever you may propose because she’s not has mentioned that it is the movie that she’s not interested in. Hence it means you and so this sentence is a closed one, giving you no option to move ahead. Likewise, the other two sentences mean that she’s not interested in you, at least at this time; and that’s the end of the road for the time being.

However, when she says she doesn’t want to watch a movie; it is an open sentence because it suggests that she may have nothing against you and instead, she’s opposed to movies. At the same time, this sentence suggests that she may like doing something else because a specific denial for movie means a probable desire for something else. It is the time to learn that when we’re really not interested in all the things of a type, we generally don’t mention any one of them, even in a negative way.

For instance, suppose someone invites you for a meeting at a café, he orders coffee and sandwiches for him and then he asks you whether you’ll have sandwiches as well with your coffee. There are two ways you may answer this question and they both mean different things. If you’ve recently eaten and you don’t feel like eating anything at all, you may say, ‘No thanks or I’ll have nothing or I’ll have coffee only’. All these sentences are closed sentences because what you want deep down is what you’re saying. Hence this answer is a clear no.

On the other hand, if you feel like eating something but you don’t like sandwiches and at the same time, you don’t want to express yourself loud, this is what may happen. You may say, ‘Oh thanks but I don’t like sandwiches’ or anything like this. This is an open sentence which suggests that you’re not opposed to eating and you’re opposed to the sandwiches. Hence you’re suggesting the other person that he should ask you about something else.

The same thing is happening here. The girl is not saying that she doesn’t like you, she’s saying she doesn’t like watching movies. Hence she’s suggesting you to come up with another option which she may like. Accordingly, you should try a different option like, ‘what about a cup of coffee in the evening then?’ The chances are good that she may take a second or two to answer this question, which is once again a subconscious sign that she wants to go with you.

This is because she may like coffee and she may like you as well. In addition to that, the fear factor has also been taken care of, as a café is a safe place in general. Hence it is a yes from her side but she may not feel comfortable giving an easy yes, being a female. This is why she’s taking time, so that she may not have to say it and you understand it on your own, or even persuade her for this proposal. Accordingly, you should use another sentence to persuade her so that she may be spared from the burden of saying yes so easily.

Hence when you use a sentence like, ‘oh come on, it’s just a cup of coffee and it’ll be fun’; she may find it easier to say yes or she may even give her silent consent through her eyes or face; using more subconscious signs; based on her personality type. If she’s still confused for some reason of her own but she likes to go with you, she may say something like ‘I don’t know, maybe some other time’. This doesn’t mean you should quit and it only means you should persuade her more for this date and very likely, she’ll agree to your proposal.

This is just a situation and these are just some signs. There may be a number of other situations and accordingly, there may be a number of other signs, depending on those situations as well as depending on her overall personality type. For instance, three different girls in the same situation may like you the same, but they may react in different ways, depending on their overall personality types. A bold type of girl may not take much time and she may give you a straight yes; an average type of girl may take some time and she may give obvious subconscious signs whereas a shy type of girl may take much longer, she may never say yes and even her subconscious signs may be difficult to read.

It is a complex study and the behaviors of different human beings are different in the same situations, based on their exact personalities at those times. For instance, a shy type of girl may say no to movie as well as to coffee and she may not even come closer to you, which means she may maintain a neutral comfort zone. However she may use different subconscious signs and this is why you must learn first, what type of girl you’re dealing with.

For instance, she may attach no to movie or coffee but she may never directly oppose your initiative to approach her. She may not come closer to you, but she may also not try to hurry up and leave the venue at the earliest. If a shy girl is standing with you even after rejecting your proposal and her basic body language is favorable, it is very likely that she’s surly interested in you but she’s unable to find the courage to go out with you, at least for the time being.

On the other hand, if a shy girl doesn’t like you, she may not give you a chance to offer coffee instead of a movie and she may not even bother to let you finish what you’re saying. She may tell you at the earliest that she’s not interested or she may not even say so and she may leave the venue. Her presence with you for a significant amount of time is a sign that she’s interested but she needs more time. Hence you should give her more time and you should try again, not at this time though.

It means you may need to approach this girl two, three or even four times on different days; before she may finally agree to your proposal. Before you leave her for the time being, you can try saying that she can take more time if she wants and you’ll meet her again. If she’s interested, you’ll see that she won’t object to this proposal and in fact, she may start feeling nervous. This is her way of telling you that she’ll welcome you as and when you approach her again. You see, there are a number of variables and the results may change as these variables change in different cases.

Let’s now try to look at some signs which indicate that no means no. The most obvious sign is the distance and this girl may never allow you to step inside her comfort zone. In fact, as you stand at a neutral distance and as you propose her; she may step back or lean back while replying to your proposal. This is a strong sign that your proposal has generated a negative response within her due to which, she finds you fit, not even for the neutral category though it may only be for the time being. Hence she may automatically step back or lean back as she starts fearing or disliking you subconsciously. The more dislike you generate in her, the more this distance may increase.

Another obvious subconscious sign is that she may use short as well as closed sentences which may give you neither time nor any other option. For instance, all the sentences like, ‘I’m not interested, I don’t have time for this and all other such sentences’ mean that she’s not interested, especially if the answers are supported by her body language also. The worst type of responses may be No thanks or something else like this which may contain three, two or even one word, which is No. As a rule, the fewer are the words used to convey a no, the stronger is the rejection.

For instance, if she maintains safe distance, she uses just a couple of words, she says them at a fast pace and the volume of her voice is relatively higher than average; it is the strongest type of no. It means you’re not welcome now and you may not be welcome in future also. In fact, this response suggests that this girl may dislike you. If she turns around and starts walking away as soon as she says this in the manner described by me; it is a confirmation that she dislikes you, at least at this time.

Similarly, there may be other negative signs which may vary from country to country as well as from situation to situation, depending on the overall personality of the girl in question. Some girls may not even let you finish and they may start walking away without answering, some girls may not even bother stopping if you’re trying to approach them while they’re going somewhere and some girls may make you feel that they don’t care about a word of what you’re saying as they may look least interested when you speak to them.

A strong type of female may use direct as well as offensive signs to reject your proposal. She may give you a flat no in a couple of words, as soon as you finish saying what you want to say; she may then hold her position firmly whether she’s sitting or standing; she may look at you directly and she may ask you if you have something else to say; even before you think about your next line. It means she’s not interested in you, she doesn’t like your idea of invading her privacy and it is you who should leave this place and not her. You see, different signs may be expressed by different people, depending on their overall personalities.

Let’s now go back to the example where the division of property is pending between you and your brother; and you are a person ruled by conscience. When it comes to conscience, fair means fair; in its deepest as well as in its all inclusive sense. Hence your conscience may not let you decide this matter in an unfair way, no matter what may happen. For instance, let’s suppose your brother borrowed an amount of money from you about a year back and he promised to return this money as and when he had sufficient extra funds to return it. However, due to lack of sufficient funds or due to any other reason, he has not returned this money so far.

Your intellect may tell you that while finalizing this division, you should also settle the amount given to your brother, as it is still due. This is because you have an account to settle with your brother and it is fair that the money borrowed by him should be taken into consideration while settling this division. Suppose this property is sold and a net amount of Rs. 20 million is received, which means Rs. 12 million for you and Rs. 8 million for your brother, according to the percentage of investment made by each one of you. Suppose your brother had borrowed Rs. 1 million about a year back.

Your ego may tell you to deduct this payment first and then give Rs. 7 million to your brother; given the fact that the payment is handed over to you by the purchasing party; though your brother may also be present at the venue. Your intellect if not corrupted by your ego may not provoke you to do so and it may suggest a mild gesture. As a result, when you divide this payment, you may remind and convince your brother that he owes you Rs. 1 million and he had promised to return this money whenever he had sufficient extra funds. Hence your ego sees deducting money without his consent as fair whereas your intellect sees convincing your brother to return this money as fair.

However, if your conscience controls you, none of these acts may qualify as fair and it has a different definition of fair. In this case, you may divide the amount, you may give him Rs. 8 million and you may not even talk about the money he owes you. This is because by engaging in any of the already mentioned acts, you’re pressurizing your brother to return this payment; and hence it becomes unfair. Your conscience is aware that when you gave this amount to your brother, you were under no pressure and you chose to help him out of free will. It was an act inspired by the love for your brother and it was not an act inspired by the sense of profit or loss.

In addition to that, your brother made it clear that he’ll return this money as and when he had sufficient extra funds. If you didn’t like this condition, you should have asked him to modify it and define a time limit to return this amount. However, you willingly agreed to this condition and hence you must honor what you agreed to. By pressurizing him in any way, you’re violating the condition that he will decide when to return this money.

I know he said sufficient extra funds and according to you; he seems to have a lot of them at this time; it is not that simple. The decision that he has sufficient extra funds has to come from him and you can’t force him to reach this decision, even if you’re doing so by convincing him to return your money. He may not want to return this money at this time for a number of reasons which may be genuine; but he may have to return it as he may feel pressurized by you. Since you agreed that he may return this amount as and when he has sufficient extra funds and this decision is to be made by him whether or not he has extra funds at this moment, asking him to return your money is not fair according to your conscience.

It may seem complicated and even foolish to some of you but this is how your conscience operates. Its job is to maintain harmony in its deepest sense and this is what it is doing at this time. For instance, though your brother is receiving an amount of Rs. 8 million, he may have debts amounting to Rs. 15 million at this time. As majority of these debts may be time bound or law bound, he may be under significant pressure to pay them at the earliest because he may already have gone beyond the deadlines in some of these cases. If such is the case, he may be receiving this payment but he may not have any extra funds at all.

Hence the way your intellect sees it is that he has Rs. 8 million and so he should give you Rs. 1 million. However, the way your conscience sees it is that only he should be the judge of whether or not he has extra funds and you should not pressurize him to return your money; as doing so is unfair. Therefore, the definition of fair for your conscience in this case is that you give him Rs. 8 million and whether or not he returns your money, is immaterial at this point. Even if your brother doesn’t return money, you should not talk about it even once. If you do so, he may feel ashamed when he should not; and that makes it unfair once again. This is how your conscience may define fair in this case.

Your conscience helps you look at the bigger picture in order to maintain harmony. If you look at the bottom of this matter, you gave money to your brother after clearly understanding the condition mentioned by him and you did so under no pressure. Accordingly, you have no right to change or modify this condition at a later stage even if such modification looks like a subtle one; and only your brother reserves the right to make this modification, if it favors you. If you violate your promise even in the least, primarily in order to bring benefits to you and losses to your brother; it becomes unfair.

Let’s now try to go beyond this financial transaction and look into the bottom of this matter. The first thing your conscience does before doing anything is to fix an objective. If it finds the objective worthy of making an effort for; only then it may guide you to engage in effort. By doing so, it saves you from a number of problems you may face in future, and all such problems may be witnessed, primarily due to your inability to foresee them.

Hence when your brother comes to you for financial help; your conscience helps you find the primary objective as well as the difficulties which you may face, if you choose to engage in this act of help. When it comes to find the primary objective, you can either help him in order to gain some type of advantage or you can help him purely out of love for him. Since you’re a person ruled by conscience; you understand that brotherhood is the domain of love and it is not the domain of business; which means it is the domain of heart and not that of intellect.

It should be noted that he’s asking for pure help and he’s not discussing any type of business proposal at all; in which case, it does become business and hence your intellect has the due right to interfere. However, when a brother or any loved one asks for a pure favor or help; only your heart and conscience should be engaged and your intellect or ego should not be engaged. Therefore, you understand that your brother is asking for such help out of love and if you choose to help him; it should also be out of love and not out of business. Returning love with love only is fair; and your conscience knows this rule perfectly. Hence it’ll guide you to act from heart and not from intellect though the intellect may be used for some other facts related to this matter.

After deciding that such help should come from heart, the next thing to decide is the quantum of help asked by him verses the quantum of help you can offer. It means your brother is asking for Rs. 1 million with the condition that he’ll return this amount as and when he has sufficient extra funds. Accordingly; you have to decide two things from here. The first thing is whether or not you can afford to give him Rs. 1 million at this time and the second thing is that whether or not you can wait for a long period of time for this money to come back to you or it may not even come back to you ever.

Looking at the first factor, you can give your brother Rs. 1 million only if you have this amount of money with you; even if you truly want to help him. Suppose you’re rich, you have net assets worth Rs. 100 million and Rs. 1 million in cash is not a big issue for you at this time. Looking at the second factor; your conscience helps you understand that the condition for return mentioned by your brother means he may return it at the earliest; he may return it late or he may not be able to return it at all; even if he truly wishes to return it. This is because in order to return this amount, he has to have it first and only then he may be able to return it, if he wishes to.

Since having this amount of money in future is subjected to outside variables which are beyond anyone’s control, it may or may not be returned. In addition to that, he’s saying that he’ll return this amount whenever he has sufficient extra funds. It means whether or not he has sufficient extra funds in future is to be decided by him and not by you. This fact means that he may or may not wish to return this money, based on his definition of sufficient extra funds. Kindly understand that the previous fact says he may or may not have extra money whereas this fact says he may or may not want to return this money; even if he has extra funds in future. As he’s your brother; you may know him well and hence you may have a fair idea of whether or not he may want to return this money; if he has sufficient extra funds in future.

Since your conscience helps you see this situation without any glasses; you’re in a very good position to take a decision on this matter. Therefore, you should agree to give him Rs. 1 million only if you can afford this amount at this time and also if you can afford to forget this amount if it doesn’t come back due to one of the two reasons which have already been explained. It should be noted that in the deepest sense; your relationship with your brother is much more important than any amount of money and hence it should not be spoiled because of money.

Therefore, the phrase ‘forget this amount’ in this context doesn’t mean you should forget this amount as well as your brother if he doesn’t return it and it instead means; you should be able to forget this amount in a way that this relationship is not affected even in the least. Your conscience may not try to force you to prepare yourself to forget this amount; it may only make you aware that you should help your brother only if you can afford to do so easily.

Based on your personality type; if none of these conditions is much trouble for you, which means you’re a good as well as a rich person and you’re willing to forget Rs. 1 million for your brother if needed; you may go ahead and give him this amount. As you give him the money, you’re already clear that this money may not come back and hence in the deepest sense, you forget it the moment you give it to him. As soon as you forget this money; all the expectations for return also disappear and hence you have no reason to worry about this amount of money. Since you’ve understood everything well in advance, you won’t ask your brother to return this money when the property is sold.

If you’re a different type of person and you can’t afford to lose Rs. 1 million forever, though you may afford to offer this amount to him at this time; your conscience may suggest you to take a different route. It may suggest you to pay only as much amount as you can afford to forget. Hence if you can afford to forget Rs. 500 thousands for your brother, your conscience may suggest you to offer this much money only. Your intellect may guide you to change the condition of return instead of reducing the amount but your conscience may refuse this proposal.

This is because your conscience has a much better vision than any other entity you have; and hence it is able to see what other entities may not see. Your conscience understands that even if you change the condition of return and your brother agrees to return you this amount after a certain period of time; say one year; it may or may not happen. When you look at this equation without any glasses which means with the help of your conscience; it is easy to understand that there are a number of outside variables in this equation and they may affect the final outcome.

It means even if your brother sincerely wants to return your money; he may not be able to return it on time or he may not be able to return it ever. In order to return your money, he first needs to have this amount of money in future. The future depends on a number of variables beyond everyone’s control and hence any promise based in future can’t be trusted in the deepest sense. Kindly understand that in the deepest sense; the promise made by your brother means that he’ll try his best to return this amount in one year; and nothing more than that; though even he may not realize it at this time.

Accordingly, if the outside variables like luck factor don’t go against him and he is able to collect this amount of money from various sources as he expects at this time; he may certainly return it if he wishes to do so. However, if the variables beyond his control play against him and he fails to have this amount after one year; he may not be able to return it even if he wants to. Looking at some of the worst possibilities; which may also be introduced by outside variables in rare cases; your brother may turn bankrupt in future or he may not even live for one more year. You see, even the promise made by a very good person doesn’t mean it’ll be fulfilled and it only means he’ll do his best to fulfill it.

Your conscience knows this rule that outside variables can change any equation in any way and hence the worst should always be considered. This is why it will always help you look at the complete picture from one extreme to another, so that you may reach a fair decision. Hence your conscience may guide you that this money may come back at the earliest in the best case; and it may never come back in the worst case. It may then suggest you that only if you’re prepared for the worst case, you should move ahead with this act. This is because once you are prepared for the worst, there is no way you may face problems later on.

It should be noted that the best possible and the worst possible in every equation or situation are rare possibilities and accordingly; they may seldom be witnessed. Hence when you expect the best; the chances are high that you’ll end up in disappointment because you’re asking for a rare thing and even the second best may not satisfy you now, if you happen to come across it. On the other hand, if you’re prepared for the worst; things can only go better from here and nothing can disappoint you now. This is because even if you face something which is bad or very bad but not the worst in a given situation; you consider it as a bonus as it is still better than what you’re prepared for.

For instance, if your brother returns this money in two years or three years and that too in installments; even this brings joy for you as you had forgotten this amount the moment you gave it and any amount which comes back is a bonus now. The worst that may happen in this case is that you may never get your money back and once you’re prepared for it; things can only get better from here as you can only gain when you’ve nothing to lose. On the same lines, the chances are high that you’ll lose instead of gaining, when you’ve a lot to lose and not much left to gain.

This is why the negative extreme of every situation comes with the strongest chances of gains and the positive extreme of every situation comes with the strongest chances of losses. This rule as well as many other rules like this one are the constituent units of the laws of nature and only your conscience understands them in the deepest sense. As long as you know them and you obey them; you can only end up in happiness in every situation. On the other hand, if you don’t know these rules or you don’t obey them even after knowing them; sadness, disappointment or sorrow is bound to come to you every now and then.

Hence your conscience may guide you that if you can’t afford to lose Rs. 1 million forever, you should reduce this amount. Suppose this is the case and you’re comfortable with losing Rs. 500 thousands only; you should offer Rs. 500 thousands to your brother and not more than that. When you do so; you’ve once again freed yourself from the burden of expectations attached with the return of this money and hence you may be able to enjoy your life as well as the relationship with your brother, in its true sense.

It should be noted that if you expect your brother to return this money; you can’t properly enjoy your relationship with your brother until your money is returned. This is because due to your expectations; every time you meet your brother; you may start thinking whether or not he’ll return your money on time. Hence this money may not let you enjoy your relationship with your brother and it may bother you time and again. This problem may intensify as the deadline for returning this money approaches closer; as your expectations may become even higher and hence they may make you restless and such restlessness may cause negativity in this relationship, on subconscious level.

For instance, if you meet your brother at a family dinner when the deadline is only ten days away; your expectations may make you behave in a strange way. Since it may happen subconsciously; you may not notice it much, but your brother or even some other members of your family may notice it clearly. Since the subconscious expectations are high in this case, your subconscious responses may change a lot, expressing all these expectations. Looking at some of the things that you may do subconsciously; you may ensure that you sit closer to your brother so that you may discuss certain things with him; even if you don’t know it consciously and even if you don’t do so in general.

It means you may not sit next to him in general but you may intentionally do so this time, though on a subconscious level. As the event starts; you may start talking to him and sooner than you know, the topic of discussion may shift to financial matters when it should be ideally related to family matters. Hence your subconscious mind is guiding your intellect to take control of this conversation when your heart should be dealing with this event or even with this conversation as this is a family dinner and not a business meeting.

Since your acts are being controlled by your subconscious mind, you may ask him questions which may indirectly suggest him to return your money at the earliest. For instance, you may ask him as to how his business is going on, is it going good and other things like that. Though it may look like a general type of question, it is not so in this case; as it is accompanied by your subconscious expectations. You’re excepting him to say that business is good so that you may be assured that he’s making money and your money will be returned on time.

Himanshu Shangari