Heaven and Hell Within Part 4 13

Heaven and Hell Within 04

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Unless intentionally controlled in some cases, your voice and your body language are the carriers for the expressions of your subconscious mind whereas your words are the carries for the expressions of your conscious mind, in most cases. This is why it is said that you should pay more attention to someone’s facial expressions, body language and the energy that his voice carries; than to his words. The reason for this is that the expressions of the conscious mind are often manipulated and they’re not true as you can control them and hence you have the luxury of changing any types of words in order to benefit in any type of situation.

On the other hand, your subconscious mind offers you no such luxury due to which, the expressions given by it are absolutely true, though they may be subtle and difficult to read at times. Many of you may have noticed that your girlfriend might have said no to a number of things; but she actually wanted to do those things in reality. For instance, she may have said no to the first dating proposal when you approached her, though her subconscious expressions may have conveyed a clear consent or even willingness.

It may also happen that she keeps saying no but you find her interested for some reason unknown to you and so you propose her that you’ll wait for her at such and such place and at such and such time. She may say no even to this or she may say ‘I’m not sure’ or ‘I don’t know’, when you once again have a feeling that she will certainly come. Your feeling proves true and she comes.

The reason this happens is because in general; girls are much more conscious than men and this extra consciousness creates significant difference between their conscious and subconscious expressions. In this situation, her subconscious mind has a liking for you and accordingly it agrees to your proposal through her body language and other expressions which carry its messages. The conscious mind on the other hand, may consider social conditioning as a big factor due to which, it may apply a number of filters to the original message.

It should be noted that when you ask her out on a date, the answer to this question is generated by her subconscious mind and this answer is yes. However, as this answers tries to get out, her conscious mind may try to change this answer for many reasons and this is where this difference starts building. As the conscious mind can control words and sometimes even facial expressions with effort; she may convey disinterest in your proposal through these channels.

However, the channels beyond control of her conscious mind in general, and the channels which convey the unfiltered messages of her subconscious mind may express a clear consent. This is why you may observe that she is saying no to your proposal but the tone of her voice, her facial expressions as well as her body language is in opposition to this ‘no’ and all these channels are saying yes. You may not understand the exact reason for this contrast but you may be smart enough to observe that she means yes as you may read some of her subconscious expressions, if not all of them.

Hence you continue delivering your proposal, she says no to the date or she says she doesn’t know whether she can come or not; but you have a strong feeling that she’ll come and she does appear at the venue.  This is why it is said that when a girl says no, she doesn’t mean it. The conscious mind of a woman is much more active than that of a man and hence the filters applied to the expressions of her subconscious mind, which are our natural expressions; are more in number. As a result, her body language and her words may convey the opposite messages where her words may say no and her body language or all of her subconscious channels may express a clear yes.

One of the reasons women use conscious mind much more than men is that throughout the history of mankind, women have been used, exploited and troubled a lot, especially by men. Hence most women have this subconscious fear that a man may hurt or exploit her; especially a man she doesn’t know well. This creates the need to be on alert and when it comes to active alertness; it is primarily the domain of your conscious mind. Therefore, the conscious mind of a woman is much more active than that of a man, particularly in these situations.

If you take a look at the entire history of all types of interactions between men and women; you may find a large number of incidents where men physically abused women or hurt them in other ways. However, it may be difficult to find such incidents where a woman raped a man. Since this information is fed into our subconscious minds as a part of general awareness; a man doesn’t have the need to use conscious awareness or fear when planning to meet a woman for the first time; even at a lonely place. He may not think about it consciously, but he knows subconsciously that women don’t hurt men on physical level. Accordingly, there is no fear and his conscious expressions don’t need extra filtering.

A women on the other hand, is subconsciously aware that if she goes with a man on a date, particularly the one she can’t duly trust at the time in question; the chances of something troublesome happening to her are there, though they may not be high. This is what creates the need to be alert. Hence she has two feelings where the first one is that of liking for a man and the second one is that of fear of men in general; due to the information stored on her subconscious mind; related to a number of unfortunate incidents of violence against women by men.

As a result, the fear is conveyed through her words whereas the liking is conveyed through the other channels which carry the messages of the subconscious mind and which in general can’t be controlled by the conscious mind. Hence in reality, she means that she likes you but she’s also afraid that something bad may happen to her if she chooses to meet you alone. This is why if you ask a girl out on first date, you should propose a place which is full of people instead of a place which is solitary in one way or the other, as the presence of other people may reduce the extent of her fear and it may become easier for her to agree to your proposal.

For instance, if you’re asking a girl out for the first time and you’re proposing to go for mountain tracking or even for a movie, the chances are high that she may refuse though she may surely want to go out with you. This is due to the reason that the fear factor may be more than the liking factor in this case and hence she may avoid going with you. When it comes to mountain tracking, she’s alone with you and almost anything unpleasant can happen to her. This may convey a strong feeling of fear and the answer is almost bound to be no for this proposal as well as for all other such proposals where she’s alone with you.

When it comes to movie, the situation presents a different type of fear. Though there may be many people watching a movie, the theatre has complete darkness and darkness means fear. In this situation, she may not imagine the worst types of things like a rape or a murder; due to the presence of a number of people in the theatre, the fear of subtle kind of violence is still there. For instance, she may fear that you may use darkness to your advantage and you may try to get access to those parts of her body; which she may not want you to access during this date; for one reason or the other.

Hence the chances of a no are once again high though they are not as high as in case of mountain tracking. Some of you may wonder that when you asked your girlfriend out for a movie on your first date, why did she agree? Was she fearless or was she not aware of all this information about a number of men having a tendency to physically exploit women at lonely places? None of them may be the reason and there are other valid reasons for her consent.

For instance, though it may have been your first date; she may have known you for a long period of time and she may have developed liking as well as trust for you. It can happen if you two are classmates, neighbors or colleagues for a long period of time and during this time, she’s come to know that you can be trusted with such incidents, to a reasonable extent. Hence she may say yes to a movie proposal because the fear factor is lower than the liking factor plus trust factor, though she may still say no to mountain tracking as the fear factor may become higher than the liking plus trust factor in that case.

Another reason for her consent may be that though she may not know much about you and accordingly she may not trust you much, she may have a different type of feeling. She has a liking for you, she knows what luxuries you can try to take in the darkness of the theatre and she may be ready to give you those luxuries due to her own reasons. For instance, she may have a personality type which says doing that much on a first date is not a problem and hence she may say yes. This girl knows what you can do at the most in a theatre, and she’s prepared for that or she may even be willing for you to do that. This is why she may say yes.

However in general, when you ask a woman out for the first date, you should propose a public place as that increases your chances because the fear factor reduces significantly in this case. This is why asking a girl out on a coffee date has become the most prevalent form of proposal for first dates. A café is full of people; she doesn’t have any reason to fear you at all; and hence she may say yes; through conscious or subconscious expressions : )

However, in order for her to agree to your proposal, even on subconscious level; she must have some liking for you. It means even if she feels the safest on a proposed date with you but she has no liking for you; the answer may be a clear no. Hence the phrase ‘when a girl says no, she means yes’ is not completely true and it needs modification. The modified form is that ‘when a girl says no, she may mean yes’. If the girl has liking for you and she says no, it means yes. On the other hand, if she doesn’t like you or she even dislikes you; no means no in such cases.

Some people may be confused when it comes to differentiate between a real ‘no’ and a ‘no’ conveying yes. It may seem difficult but it may become easier, if you know the mechanism of conscious as well as subconscious mind, which means how they give out expressions. If a girl says no but she means yes, her words may carry no but the rest of her expressions which are subconscious expressions carry a clear yes. If on the other hand, she says no and she means no; her words as well as her subconscious expressions carry a clear no.

In the first case, there’s a contrast between the expressions of her conscious mind and those of her subconscious mind whereas in the second case, there’s a harmony between the expressions of her conscious and subconscious mind as they’re both conveying the same message. This is because in the first case, she needs to express liking and fear at the same time and hence there’s a contrast. However, in the second case, she only wants to convey disinterest because the fear factor is not there; as the fear factor may be considered only if she wants to go out with you.

For instance, if you want to go for mountain tracking; only then may you bother about the risks involved in this venture. On the other hand, if you’re not interested in mountains to start with; there’s no point in assessing the risk. As a rule of human mind; liking or disliking for something is considered first and if the result is liking or consent; only then the other factors like fear, risk or cost are considered. Taking an example in case of cost, when you go to purchase a car; you don’t ask about the discounts offered for a car first and then like it; you like it first and then look at the discounts. This is because if you don’t like it at all, what is the point in wasting your time asking for discounts.

Hence if she doesn’t like you, the only expression she needs to convey is that she’s uninterested and that comes as a harmonious expression shared equally well by her conscious as well as by her subconscious expressions. Taking a look at the third though rare case, a girl may say yes, through her words as well as through her subconscious expressions. If that happens, it means this girl likes you a lot and she also trusts you to the point that she has no fear when she’s with you. As there is only one expression in this case also, her words as well as her entire body language carry the same message of yes. The girl of this type may even approach you in order to initiate a relationship.

Looking at the fourth possibility; a girl may express yes through her conscious expressions but her subconscious expressions may convey a clear no. It means that deep down; this girl is not interested in your proposal; but she’s still saying yes. This may happen in case of an arranged marriage when the parents of a girl convince or force her to say yes when you ask her about her consent for marriage, at a family meeting. She may say yes through her words; but her subconscious expressions may convey ‘no’ or ‘I’m not sure’. Her words are conveying the conditions imposed on her and her body language is conveying her true wish.

Likewise, a girl may not like you much but she may say yes to your dating proposal; as she may be interested in something you may have; instead of being interested in you. For instance, she may have strong liking for pleasures which can be obtained through money; she may not have much money and you may have a lot of it. Hence she may pretend to be interested in you when in reality; she’s only interested in your money. In this case, she may say yes when you ask her out, but her subconscious expressions may suggest a ‘no’, though the no in this case may be difficult to read. We’ll discuss more about this topic, later on.

As the conscious expressions are obvious, there is no need to discuss them. So let’s look at some subconscious expressions which may help you understand this equation. In case a girl is interested in you but she doesn’t say so; here are the subconscious signs to look out for. She may say no to your dating offer, but she may convey a number of subconscious signs in favor of this offer or in favor of you; depending on her overall personality, the extent of liking she has for you, the situation and some other variables which may be different in different cases. Hence her responses may change with change in these variables, which means different girls may give different types of subconscious signs in response to the same offer.

Taking a look at some of these signs, the no may be soft which means it may not carry much energy and the sentence carrying no may be delivered at a relatively slower speed and it may carry significant or even more than significant length. It means that the ‘no’ contained in her sentence may not carry heartfelt energy and as you understand by now, the absence of this energy means the word is a formal word and it is not coming from the heart. Since the approval for any type of liking or disliking has to come from heart in order to be true, absence of this energy suggests that it hasn’t come from heart and it is coming from intellect.

The reason she may not give you a simple no and she may instead choose a long sentence like, ‘I don’t think I’ll be able to do that tomorrow or I don’t think that’s a good idea’; is that she doesn’t want to discourage you from asking her out and hence she’s taking due time to speak to you; which is another subconscious sign of interest. It should be noted that we only pay more or even due attention to things or people we really like and we don’t want to spend time or attention for things or people we don’t care for, whether positively or negatively.

Hence the fact that she’s using long sentences while speaking to you or she’s saying things at a slower pace means she wants to give you more time in order to keep you interested. The volume of her voice may also be lower than the average volume of her voice. This is once again a subconscious sign that she doesn’t want to say no. Hence the volume of her voice reduces subconsciously which means naturally; as if she’s trying to stop her denial from reaching you : )

Her body language may suggest alertness and it may look tense. The reason this may happen is that she’s interested in you and hence she’s trying to look as active as she can as that can project her personality in an even better way. For instance, her stomach may be tucked in more than usual which means she wants to impress you. As you already know by now, you only want to impress people you like and you don’t waste time impressing people you’ve got nothing to do with at all.

She may avoid eye contact as much as she can, though this sign may change in case of certain specific types of girls like a girl who’s relatively bolder and who likes you a lot. If such is the case, she may say ‘no’ but she may keep looking at your face or in your eyes; so that you may read a clear yes in her eyes. The reason an average type of girl may avoid eye contact is because she knows you may read a clear yes in her eyes. Eyes are very powerful media and they may convey much more than words can, in such situations.

The physical distance between the two of you is one of the most important factors as it is one of the strongest subconscious signs for liking or disliking. It should be noted that each one of us has a subconscious boundary or physical distance which we consider neutral and this boundary may be different for different people, depending on the overall personality of a person in question. This neutral boundary means that if you neither like nor dislike a person as it may be your first interaction and you’re not afraid of him for any reasons like a conscious fear that he may harm you; this is where you want that person to be.

Suppose this distance is 3 feet in your case, though you may not be consciously aware of this boundary as it is a subconscious boundary. It means that you’re comfortable when people belonging to general category maintain a distance of at least 3 feet or slightly more, while they approach you or talk to you. This is your neutral subconscious boundary of safety or your neutral comfort zone.

This boundary changes in case of people belonging to special categories, depending on whether these categories are positive or negative. For instance, this boundary may shift to 4 feet in case of people you already don’t like or in case of people, who’re meeting you for the first time but for some reason, you don’t feel safe with them and you’re scared to some extent.

Likewise, this boundary may shift to 2 feet, 1 foot or even less in case of people you like and this boundary keeps reducing in distance, as your liking for a person increases. When you like a person a lot, like your mother, this boundary may disappear altogether, even if for some moments; and these are the moments you feel like hugging her or you allow her to hug you. This boundary may not disappear all the time even in case of your dearest ones but it may certainly be placed much closer than its neutral placement. For instance, even when you don’t feel like hugging your mother; or you don’t feel like she should hug you, you may be perfectly comfortable if she maintains a distance of 1 foot or more.

This subconscious boundary may be called your comfort zone in general. This zone is subconscious which means it is hidden. Hence you may not consciously see this boundary present or shifting in case of different people, you may surely feel it and that also in a strong way. This comfort zone for different people is defined by their subconscious minds, it may be different for different people based on a number of variables and it may be even different for the same person, at different times.

For instance, your comfort zone for a boy may be 1 foot at a time as he may be your boyfriend at that time; and this zone may shift to 3 feet or even more; once you breakup with him. The phrase even more in this context means that you may develop dislike for him and hence your comfort zone may shift to an even greater distance than normal. It should be noted that your comfort zone is maintained by your subconscious mind; only as and when it is possible to do so. Hence this boundary may not be maintained in places where crowd is a compulsory condition and you can’t escape it; like a discotheque. The boundaries are changed or adjusted in this case under compulsion and they come back to their normal state; as and when this compulsion goes off.

It is interesting to note that people who put great importance to their comfort zones or boundaries often don’t like going to these places. They reason behind this is that they don’t like their comfort zones to be redefined in ways that these zones shrink a lot, which means that people belonging to general category are temporarily allowed to enter the zones defined for the dearest ones. Since this is a subconscious reason, they may not know it precisely though they may feel strong discomfort in these places; and that is why they avoid going to these places.

Another fact related to the comfort zone is that your subconscious mind tries to maintain it in every situation; though you may not have the conscious knowledge of this fact. For instance, if the minimum distance for a person in general category is 3 feet and the maximum distance is 5 feet; yes there is a maximum distance also; this is what may happen. If this person enters this zone of 3 feet, you may automatically step behind in order to shift this boundary to 3 feet or more once again, and you may do it without effort, which means subconsciously.

On the other hand, if this person goes at a distance of more than 5 feet for any reason, you may automatically come closer to him in order to maintain a distance between 3 and 5 feet with him. The same equation applies to all other types of people, which means if your mother goes at a distance of 3 feet for any reason when the boundaries in her case are 1 foot to 2 feet; you may move closer to her in order to maintain this comfort zone. You see, how smart and intelligent system you have inside you, which does so many things for you; and that too without your conscious knowledge : )

After knowing how your comfort zone operates, let’s get back to the example. Pay close attention to how she maintains her comfort zone with you because this is one of the most important subconscious signs which can tell you which category has her subconscious mind put you into, at any particular time. In general, most women have similar types of comfort zones and most men also have similar types of comfort zones, though the average comfort zone of a woman may be different from the average comfort zone of a man, particularly when she’s interacting with a man.

This is because of the fear factor once again. Since women have subconscious fears related to men; the average distance they maintain in case of unknown women is less than the average distance they maintain in case of interacting with unknown men. As women don’t fear women in general, the boundary of discomfort shrinks. On the other hand, the boundary of discomfort expands in case of their interactions with men, as the fear factor is there, deep in the subconscious mind.

Therefore, if you want to assess your true situation, you should have the basic knowledge about her comfort zone with women in general as well as that in case of men in general. It is not difficult and you can learn it by simply observing her interactions with some males as well as with some females, belonging to general category or those belonging to special category like friends. For instance, if you observe that she allows her male friends up to a distance of 2 feet from her whereas she allows males in general category up to a distance of 3 feet, this much is sufficient for you.

As you approach her, stand at a distance of about 3 feet and wait for some time while talking. If she neither likes you nor dislikes you; she’ll maintain this distance from her side. If she doesn’t like you or she strongly dislikes your proposal, she may automatically increase the distance by stepping back or by leaning back. If that happens, simply get out of this place as soon as you can because you don’t stand any chance with her at all; at least at this time.

A caution is compulsory here. You should be duly aware of her comfort zone and in the first step, you should not invade her comfort zone or you may read this sign in a wrong way. For instance, if you get as close to her as 2 feet when you approach her for the first time, she may simply step back to maintain her neutral comfort zone with you. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you and it only means you initiated a panic response inside her, by invading her comfort zone in an abrupt manner. Hence the sign of disliking is valid only if you’re at a neutral distance and she still tries to increase this distance.

On the other hand, if she likes you; as you stand at 3 feet and wait while talking to her, she may automatically come closer to you. I’ve used the word automatically because these responses are not controlled responses and they’re natural responses which originate from the subconscious mind and hence the concerned person may not even know he or she’s doing such things, on a conscious level.

She may step forward or she may simply lean forward in order to reduce this distance, depending on the situation as well as on her overall personality type. If that happens, you should know that she likes you and the closer she gets, the stronger is her liking for you. Suppose she comes to a distance of 2 feet while talking to you, it means she’s comfortable with you because she’s allowed you in the zone where she puts her friends, and friends are always comfortable to be with. It only means one thing; she has liking for you and if she has fear also, the liking is more than the fear. Hence your chances are good.

However, the comfort zone factor doesn’t finish here and it only starts from here. Throughout the conversation, pay attention to the distance she maintains as it may keep changing. If you say something that makes her think negatively about you, this distance will increase automatically in the order of such negativity. It means a more negative gesture from you may offend her more and the distance may increase more.

If on the contrary, she decreases this distance by stepping forward or leaning forward when you do something or say something, it means that your gesture has created a positive response within her, she’s feeling more comfortable with you and hence the distance is decreased. The closer she lets you come, the stronger is the liking. If you find her comfortable and leaning forward instead of stepping forward, it means she wants to get closer but she wants you to make this move. In this case, you should take a step forward and you’ll find that she may not object at all. In fact she may welcome this move.

The distance factor can be used not only for this situation, but also in order to assess the value she assigns to you, at any stage during this relationship, if you succeed in having a relationship with her. For instance, as long as she doesn’t feel the most comfortable with you, she may still maintain a distance, even if it is 6 inches. However, as soon as she’s all into you, the distance will disappear and she may even start touching you or leaning against your body a number of times. This is a strong subconscious sign that you’re allowed as deep in her comfort zone, as anyone can be, at least for the time being.

When it comes to the sentences she may use if she likes you, even if she says no, her sentences may includes hints of some other options and the sentences may be open as well as suggestive. For instance, if you ask her out for a movie date and she says she doesn’t like watching movies or she doesn’t feel like watching a movie these days, when the basic signs are in your favor, she’s only rejecting the proposal for a movie and she may not be rejecting you.

Himanshu Shangari