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In fact, his negative feeling against you may even aggravate through your act of paying for damages as all he may want is for you to offer a heartfelt apology and he may not be interested in claiming the damages at all, to start with. When it comes to you, a heartfelt apology requires heart and as you’re dominated by your intellect, the chances are high that you may not do so. As a result, the situation becomes so that you’ve compensated for your wrong doing according to you or so to say according to your intellect; whereas according to him or his emotions; you have hurt him even more with the compensation than you did when you hit his car.
This is why a person dominated by heart can almost never go well with a person dominated by intellect because their basic rules are a lot different from each other. Hence this intellectual person may actually end up offending the other person more though he may pay for damages. It may also be the case that the other party may refuse to accept compensation and he may leave dissatisfied because the solution of compensation available according to law is not acceptable to him and you’re incapable of delivering what he wants, as you’re an intellectual person and accordingly, you stick to the law. Hence the equation is not settled and you gain negative energy through his negative feelings for you.
On the other hand, if you’re an emotional person and you don’t have high ego, this problem may be fixed in a couple of seconds. Soon after hitting his car, you may get out of your car, you may go to him and you may present an apology which is heartfelt and which may include feelings of regret and comfort; which are at least equal in quantum to the feeling of discomfort he may be having at this moment.
As the language of your heart is very well understood by his heart because it is the same language throughout the universe; this person may feel relaxed at once. This is because his heart duly receives the vibes of comfort and regret sent by your heart and the quantum of these vibes may be enough to balance out the feeling of discomfort he has. In this case, the matter is solved as soon as you offer such apology and if your apology contains feelings of regret and comfort, which are more in quantum than his feeling of discomfort, he may respond with something beautiful instead of being angry.
For instance, as you hit his car, you may at once go to him and you may say something like, ‘I’m really sorry for my mistake, brother. I guess my mind was occupied somewhere else and I couldn’t control my car in time. It’s all happened due to my mistake, I’m truly sorry and I’m willing to pay for the losses’. On the surface, these words may look similar to the words which an intellectual person may use to apologize and in fact, they may be exactly the same. However, your body language, your voice, the accentuations and other subconscious expressions change altogether and this is what does the trick.
In case you’re an intellectual person and you use the exact same words in this situation, this is what may happen. The emphasis may be less on the word sorry and it may be much more on the phrase ‘I’m willing to pay for the losses’. The tone of your voice may clearly convey that compensation and apology are the two solutions for this situation and you’re willing to go with compensation. Hence the word sorry mentioned by you may only reach his ears and it may never reach his heart because it doesn’t have sufficient energy to reach his heart as all your energy is focused on compensation.
Accordingly, the word compensation which means financial compensation; carries the maximum amount of energy, but there is a different type of problem with this word. The energy contained by this word is the one generated by your intellect and not the one generated by your heart because numbers are the domain of your intellect and not those of your heart. Therefore, the word compensation may contain maximum energy but even this word may fail to reach his heart as nothing rising from intellect can reach the heart. In fact, the energy carried by this word may complicate the situation.
This is because the other person may feel at once that you’re interested in financial compensation and you’re not concerned about his feelings at all, as the word sorry is shallow and the word compensation is full of energy. It means that the maximum amount of energy has come from your intellect whereas the minimum amount of energy has come from your heart. You see, how you may use the same words but you may convey different or even opposite meanings.
As a result, he may get offended at once because he may think you’re not a good person or you’re even a hypocrite. This is because being an emotional person, he has a strong sense of detecting the feelings hidden behind each and every word you use and he can clearly feel that the word sorry doesn’t carry the kind of energy which is required to make it look genuine. Hence your apology is fake according to him; and as you’re pretending to apologize instead of truly apologizing, this makes a you a hypocrite according to him. All this is happening on subconscious level and none of you two may be consciously aware of it.
The heart only says what it feels and the words coming from heart are rich in feelings. Accordingly, the words which have no feelings attached to them are fake according to the heart and the people using those words are hypocrites, especially when those words are meant to convey feelings. Since the word sorry should be used to convey feeling in this case, using it as a word without feeling is hypocrisy according to an emotional person. Hence he may get offended and the matter may get complicated.
On the other hand, if you’re an emotional person and you use the same words, the word sorry will carry significant amount of energy which comes from your heart and which carries feelings of regret on your part and comfort for him. The word compensation on the other hand may not carry much energy and it may be used by your intellect just in order to make one more option available, as you don’t know the personality type of this person at this time. It means if the other person is the intellectual type, the word compensation may serve the purpose. The fact that the word compensation doesn’t carry much energy or feelings doesn’t matter to him because his intellect doesn’t bother about feelings, to start with.
As far as your intellect is concerned, a logical or rational solution with feelings or without feeling is the same and there is no difference, as long as the solution is rational. Since the other person is emotional, the word sorry used by you, which carries heartfelt energy; may soothe him at once and the feeling of pain or loss may go away. He may at once realize that you’re truly sorry for your mistake and you understand his pain in the deepest sense. This is all he may need because there are two things the heart likes the most. The first thing is for the other person to understand what it wants and the second thing is for him to do that thing.
Since you understand his pain and you do your best to relieve it; he may get everything he wants and the settlement may now remain a formality. He may feel satisfied and he may even tell you that all is fine and he doesn’t care for compensation. He may not only say it, but he may also refuse to have it, even if you insist. This is because according to him, you’ve already paid for your mistake through your feelings and since he’s a heart dominated as well as a rich person, financial compensation may be the last thing he’s interested in. It should be noted that most of this is happening on the level of subconscious mind and hence none of you two may have conscious knowledge of your behaviors.
This reminds me of a beautiful incidence from real life. A few years back, I was going somewhere with a friend in his car and he was driving the car. Accidently, he hit someone’s car from behind though the damage was not much. He at once went to the owner of the other car and he presented a heartfelt apology by admitting that it was altogether his mistake and there is no excuse for it. He also offered to pay for the losses and he used the word sorry three to four times, and each time it carried heartfelt energy.
The other person not only refused to accept any compensation, he felt very happy, he forgot about his loss at once and he even starting asking about my friend. He asked about him and he then requested him to exchange contact information so that the two of them might get in touch with each other, later on. His view was that in this day and age, it was difficult to find people who can truly feel sorry, even if their mistakes were obvious to them also. Most people tried to purchase the pain of the suffering one by putting a price to it, in the name of compensation.
He said that contrary to that, my friend’s words clearly meant that he understood his pain. My friend exchanged contacts with that person and as I know, they are still in touch. It may look like a rare event to some people, but it does happen. Some people are very good at judging your entire character even through a couple of lines you say. Such people look for the honesty and dedication behind your words and through the intensity of these qualities; they can assess your overall character.
Hence your words or even your body language can tell a lot about you, before you start using any words at all. In order to make it clear, let’s consider this example from four angles where the person hitting the car has personality ruled by four different entities which are intellect, heart, ego and conscience. Let’s first assume that a person ruled by intellect hits someone’s car by mistake and see how he may react. Let’s suppose you’re this person, for the sake of better understanding.
You may get out of your car, you may reach closer to the area where the other person’s car has been hit and you may start assessing the damages minutely. By the time you’re done assessing the damages, if the other person has not approached you, you may go to him; you may say sorry and you may offer compensation. Though you may be a genuine person, but the accent may be more on compensation and less on sorry. This is because the word compensation deals with numbers which fall under the domain of intellect and so you’re duly able to put a lot of energy behind it.
On the other hand, the word sorry deals with a feeling and feelings are not controlled by the intellect. Accordingly, you may not be able to accentuate the word sorry in proper manner, even if you want as you don’t have much emotional strength and you’re an intellectual type. The reason you may spend significant amount of time closer to the damaged area is that as you’re an intellectual person, your definition of fair is to pay for the losses if you cause them. Since the quantum of losses can only be assessed at the point where the car has been hit, you may directly approach that area.
In the second case, suppose you’re a person ruled by heart and you hit someone’s car. You may get out of your car, you may take a brief look at the damaged area and very likely, you may approach the owner of this car before he approaches you. This is because, you’re an emotional person and the value of the owner is much more than the value of his car for you. Accordingly, you understand that if you go to him instead of him coming to you, he may feel better. Hence you may go to him.
You may feel sorry and this word may contain lots of heartfelt energy. You may also offer to pay compensation and the chances are fair that you may handle this matter far better than the intellectual type. As you tend to touch his heart again and again though you may do so subconsciously, which means it comes natural to you and you’re not making special efforts; he may feel happy and the matter may get sorted out easily.
In the third case, suppose you’re ruled by ego and you hit someone’s car. In this case, you may not even step out of your car and if you do, you may stand closer to area of impact and let the owner of the other car come to you, instead of approaching him. As the ego is high, sorry is the last word you may want to use and hence you may start finding reasons to put the blame on the other party. If you find any such reason like he applied breaks at once or anything like that; you may start arguing and you may neither offer apology nor compensation.
This is because whether you say sorry or you pay compensation; they both mean one thing which is that it is your mistake. As you understand, two of the most difficult things to do for your ego are to say sorry and admit mistake in any form. Hence you may not admit your mistake at all and you may rather start finding ways to complicate this matter so that the truth may get lost in that complication. If you find that there’s no logical reason that your intellect may help you with in this case and the mistake is obviously yours; your ego may take a different path.
You may behave in a manner which may irritate the owner to the point that he may use some not so good words for you. This is all you want and you may shift your entire focus on those words. It means you may try your best to ensure that the fact that his car was hit by your mistake becomes secondary and the fact that he used fowl words for you becomes primary. You may do so because this may put you in a position of advantage and you may now demand the other person to apologize for fowl language he used; instead of saying sorry to him. What happens after this is none of our business and so; let’s get out of it : )
If you’re a conscience driven person and you hit someone’s car by mistake, this is what you may do. You may go to the other person, you may feel sorry and you may offer compensation. Like the emotional person, you may do so honestly and you may do something else also, if the situation so demands. As soon as your cars hit, you may park your car on road side and you may also request the other person to do the same, before you two may talk about this accident.
This is because you understand that the amount of time that it is going to take in order to settle this matter may prove troublesome for other people using this road. Hence you may get your car out of the road and you may then settle. It should be noted that the emotional person may not take this extra step. It is not due to the reason that he may not care about the traffic on this road, it is due to the fact that he may get so lost in accident, being an emotional person; that he may forget there’s traffic on this road. He may get his car out of the road only when the other vehicles start blowing horns.
An intellectual person may also park his car on the roadside but he may lack emotions that an apology should carry. An ego type person may not park his car on roadside, even if other vehicles start blowing horns. This is because he knows subconsciously that more trouble he creates, sooner may this matter get sorted out. It should be noted that people in general want to avoid trouble. Hence if the owner of the affected car finds that the trouble created by the entire scene is more than the damage caused to his car, he may settle at the earliest as he may wish to get out of this mess as soon as he can.
Let’s now look at the same example if you’re the owner of the damaged car, considering the same four possibilities. For the sake of convenience, we’ll assume that the person who hits your car is a genuine person, in all four cases. If you’re an intellect ruled person and someone has hit your car from behind, this is what you may do. You may get out of your car and you may not speak much about this accident unless you’ve gone to the point of impact and you’ve assessed the damage.
It should be noted that as your intellect dominates your emotions in this case, your reactions may be primarily based on the quantum of financial loss, which means the bigger is the damage, the more irritated or angry you may become. Suppose the damage is not much and before you shift your focus to the other person, you hear him saying that he’s sorry and he’ll pay for the damages. This matter should be settled at the earliest now, as your intellect has received the remedy it wanted. There’s damage, there’s compensation and there’s even an apology; this is more than what your intellect may ask for and hence the matter should be settled in no time.
The reason it should be settled in no time is because you’re an intellectual person, the solution to this problem has been offered and you may not want to spend unwanted time in this situation. It means you may agree to the other party and you may try to finish this matter at the earliest because that’ll save you time and when it comes to intellectual people, time is money. The extra 30 minutes you may spend here can be used to do many other things and hence you may want to get out of this situation at the earliest.
Coming to second possibility, suppose you’re an emotional person and you’re attached to this car on emotional level. The reason I’ve mentioned this fact is that being an emotional person, the financial damages occurred due to this car being hit may not matter much to you and the fact that the car you love has been hit and wounded may matter much more to you. Even in this case, you may go to the area of impact first and you may try to assess the damage.
However, this assessment is altogether different from the assessment of the intellectual person. An intellectual person may assess the damage from the point of view of financial loss whereas an emotional person may assess the damage from the point of view of how many injuries has his loved car suffered. Hence you may be concerned more about the injuries sustained by your car as if it is a person and it’s really got hurt; than about the financial losses you may have occurred through this damage.
This difference should be understood properly in order to understand the difference between the working of intellect and heart. An intellectual person in this case is primarily concerned about the financial loss and the injuries sustained by the car are secondary as he has no emotional attachment to this car. An emotional person on the other hand is primarily concerned about the injuries sustained by his car and how those injuries have reduced its beauty; and the financial loss occurred by him is secondary.
Suppose the car is not hit much but the injuries are still sufficient to cause you pain. As the other person approaches you and he says he’s truly sorry for his mistake, your pain may be relieved as his words carry a specific type of energy which tells you that he understands your pain and he’s also disturbed by your pain. This much is sufficient for the heart in most cases and hence this matter should be sorted out. More than the compensation, the heartfelt apology from this person is what may do the trick for you. Let me mention once again that all this is happening subconsciously like in all other cases, and even you may not be consciously aware about all this happening inside you.
If you’re a person ruled by ego, this is what you may do in the same situation. You may take a brief look at the damaged area of your car and you may reserve most of your energy to deal with the person who hit your car with his car. This is due to the reason that in this case, neither the quantum of financial damages is primary nor the injuries sustained by your car are primary; as both of them may not matter much to you, being the type of person you are.
The thing that matters the most to you is, ‘how dare he hit my car?’ It should be understood clearly that it is not about damage and it is not about the car even; it is about ‘my car’, which means it is about ‘me’. Hence when you start talking to the other person about this damage, you may use personal pronouns again and again, though you do so subconsciously which means without intentional effort. Here are some of the possible sentences you may use.
‘You should have driven carefully. You’ve hit my car. I purchased this car recently and look how much trouble you’ve caused me’. If you’re an offensive type of person as well, you may also add a line like, ‘if you don’t know how to drive, you should first learn and then drive’ or any other offensive line. You may use all these sentences in a way that the primary focus is only on two types of words; the first ones are the pronouns which refer to you and the second ones are the pronouns which refer to him. It means the words like I, me, my, you and your are the ones which may be accentuated the most, though you may not do so with effort and this accent may come through your subconscious mind.
This is because the ego works through division. Hence for your ego; the boundaries should be clearly defined and in fact, most of the boundaries in all spheres of life have been drawn by the ego. It should be noted that for your ego, the person interacting with you even in a friendly situation is your enemy, though you may not know it consciously. This is because your ego knows only two things lying at the opposite extremes; all that is mine means friend and all that is not mine means enemy. There are no neutral territories for your ego, in most cases.
This is why a person with high ego may always think that the whole world is conspiring against him; as he considers the whole world as his enemy. For a person with high ego, you’re always his enemy, unless you prove otherwise, which means you work for his benefit and you’re at least partly controlled by him. We’ll talk about this topic later on.
Since your ego considers even a neutral person as your enemy, though you may not know it consciously as all this is happening in the hidden part of your mind called the subconscious mind; the person who has actually done something to hurt your ego is a certified and bigger enemy; even if he’s done so by mistake. Hence as soon as you face this situation, it becomes a war between you and this person and considering it from your point of view; it becomes a war between ‘I’ and ‘You’. It is interesting that this war between I and You has been prevailing since the time immemorial and the only entity responsible for this war is the ego.
Hence you may use a number of personal pronouns related to you and this person and these pronouns may carry a lot of energy. The reason you’re doing so is because deep down; you’re in war with this person and accordingly; what matters the most is the equation between you and him. It means that the damages suffered by your car, the financial losses and everything else becomes secondary; and this war between you and him becomes primary.
You may not know it, but in the deepest part of your mind, this fact is being asserted again and again that this person his hit you though in reality, his car has hit your car. It means it’s not about the cars and it is about people for your ego. Hence you may react not as if his car has hit your car, but as he has hit you. In simple words, you take it personally and this is why you use a number of personal pronouns carrying a lot of energy.
A proper settlement in this case is very difficult because no matter what the other person may offer, you may never be satisfied. Even if he offers apology to satisfy your ego and he offers compensation for the damages; you may not feel satisfied though a formal settlement may be reached because there’s nothing more you can receive according to the prevalent laws.
However, as you both leave the venue; after the settlement is finalized; and say it is finalized in the most genuine way which means you’ve received apology as well as compensation; you may still be dissatisfied. The reason it may happen is that deep down, you have this feeling that the other person has intentionally hit your car and more than that, he’s hit you. Hence you’ve created a new enemy within yourself and you may keep cursing him even after this incident, when you have no valid reason to do so.
In the first two cases where you’re ruled by intellect and heart respectively, you may not even think about this person after this settlement is finalized in a good way; or you may think positively about him. However in this case, you may still carry negativity for this person though he’s done his best to compensate for your loss. Hence you may curse him again and again in your mind; and it may continue for a significant period of time after leaving the venue. If your ego is hurt more for any reasons, you may remember this incident as well as this person for a long period of time; of course in a negative way.
The reason you may remember it for long is that your ego is exceptionally good at defining friends and enemies; and it is even better at remembering them. It may forget a friend by mistake; but it’ll never forget an enemy. Hence when you mark this person as your enemy; you attach a lot of energy to this word. This is an instruction for your subconscious mind that the fact that this person is your enemy is important and it should be saved in the best possible way. As your subconscious mind marks it important, you’ll almost never forget him, at least on subconscious level.
This is how your ego may create hell for you. It should be noted that no matter how many times you curse this person for the rest of your life; the negative energy sent by you to him is not going to reach him and it is only going to come back to you. This is because according to the law of karma, you have received a proper settlement or repayment for your trouble and hence you’re not entitled to complain. Even if you keep complaining or cursing this person after this incident; the forces of nature may not carry this energy to him and hence it may come back to you again and again; creating more and more negativity inside you.