The same applies to all other fields or so to say; in case of all other types of desires. Kindly understand that the root cause of each one of these desires lies within you and the world outside is only providing media to connect to that root cause. As long as the root cause is there; it’ll keep attracting media; in practical or in imagination. Hence there’s no point in running away from media. As soon as you kill the root cause which means you get rid of a desire; the media outside doesn’t bother you since the thing which connected to such media from inside you is not there any longer.
If you have some metal on your body; each and every metal detector may beep when it gets closer. As soon as this metal goes away from your body; the metal detector stops beeping. You may only think that the metal detector is interested in you but in reality; it is interested in the piece of metal that you have on your body. Likewise; you hear beeps on seeing women; only until the desire to mate with them for pleasure is there within you. As soon as this desire goes away; these beeps will stop. It is your desire to mate with women which is causing these beeps and it is not the women who’re doing so. Once this desire leaves you; you can have as many women around you as you want; and you won’t hear any beeps.
Coming back to the conditions which you apply on your wife; when you tell her that she’s a loyal wife and you can’t even imagine her thinking about anyone else; you’re trying to trap her into an image; though even you may not know it consciously.
Through repetition of this act; you’re trying to register a pattern on her subconscious mind where this pattern says she’s a particular type of person; which she may not be in reality. It means you’re trying to feed it to her subconscious mind that she should remain loyal to you and she shouldn’t even think about another man. If this feeling is first born from within her; such feeling is natural and this is how it should be.
However, you’re the one who’s sending this thought again and again to her subconscious mind that she’s so loyal to you and that she shouldn’t even think about another man. It means you’re conditioning or programming her subconscious mind in a specific way which benefits you. Hence her subconscious mind may send voices to resist her effort; next time she gets attracted to a man. Though she may think these voices are natural as they’re coming from deep down; they’re unnatural in this case. It should be noted that though the voices rising from your subconscious mind are natural in many cases; they can be unnatural also; at times.
If you’re married; your husband has told you things which have already been mentioned; you get attracted to a man other than him and voices from within you try to stop you; this is how you should know whether they’re natural or unnatural. Though your subconscious mind, intellect and ego can be programmed; your heart can’t be programmed. Hence your husband may program your subconscious mind to send you thoughts which tell you to be loyal to him; he simply can’t program your feelings.
Therefore if you get attracted to another man and the voices which try to stop you from proceeding come with reasons; they’re thoughts and hence they’re unnatural. An interesting thing is that if such voices have reasons; which means thoughts try to stop you; it means that your heart may already like this man. This is because if your heart is not interested in this man; feelings will stop you and since feelings rise before thoughts; your subconscious mind won’t need to send you thoughts. This is because thoughts are sent only when feelings fail to do a job; in the matters related to heart.
Hence it means that your heart may be interested in this man or it may be neutral. If it is neutral; you’ll have another set of voices with reasons; and these voices will explain to you why you should try to interact with this man in question. If you get any reasons; it means your heart is neither interested in your husband nor in this man; and both these people are being handled by your intellect or by your ego.
However if feelings come in support of this man and thoughts come in support of your husband from deep down; it means your heart is telling you to interact with this man and your intellect is telling you to stay away from him; due to a number of reasons depending on the variables in question. If this is the case and your heart is making you interested in this man; this fact leads us to another fact.
This fact says that you don’t love your husband through your heart though you may convince yourself through reasons that you do. As you understand; reasons are given by your intellect which doesn’t know a thing about love. Hence it means in this case; the thoughts coming from deep within are unnatural and they’re the resultants of the programming carried out by your husband. On the other hand; the feelings for this man are natural as feelings can’t be programmed by other people.
Let’s now change the focus and let’s deal with this example from the angle when you’re the husband in this case; which is the original angle for this example. You see, you’re trying to stop her from liking anyone else when no one should control who she likes. Through this programming; you’re trying to make her feel guilty; whenever she feels like doing certain things which go against your wishes. It means you’re trying to restrict; even her freedom to like someone; which is the most natural thing that happens to all of us. This is why this condition imposed by you on her is subtle but big.
Why are you afraid that she may like someone else and she may leave you for him? If you love her truly and all you want is for her to be happy; you should feel satisfied when she finds happiness in the company of another man. The reason you’re afraid is that her happiness is not primary for you and it is your happiness which is primary. If she leaves you; she may still be happy but you’ll become unhappy and that’s what is bothering you. Since your primary focus is on your happiness and you want this happiness even at the cost of killing her happiness; your love is corrupted by your ego.
Likewise when you force her that she should discontinue her friendship with a specific friend of hers who keeps upsetting her from time to time; it’s a subtle condition. It may look so that you intend to wish well for her and you have no selfish motives behind this act; it is not so in reality. If you don’t intend to put a condition; you should simply offer your advice and whether she pays attention to it or not; should not bother you.
However, if you try to convince her time and again; and you get upset when she doesn’t listen to you on this issue; you’re trying to force a condition on her and your love is corrupted. You may even taunt her when she doesn’t listen to you and her friend troubles her again. It means you may tell her that since she didn’t listen to your advice; she’s going through all this pain.
You may not realize consciously but you’re not concerned about her loss and you’re concerned about your losses; which may be of many types; depending on a number of variables. For instance, each time she gets upset due to this friend; she narrates the whole incident to you and though you don’t want to listen to it; you have to listen to it. This makes you uncomfortable and the subconscious need to make her move away from this friend rises within you; since you find her friend responsible for this trouble.
It also happened once or twice that you had good mood and you had some plans for the night but just then her friend called; your wife got upset and all your plans were washed away by her bad mood. Though you wished to engage in physical act with her but your intellect stopped you from doing so as you’d look selfish and in addition to that; she could have rejected your proposal straight away.
Since your wish was not fulfilled and you saw her friend as the root cause of this problem as well as many other problems from time to time; you built subconscious enmity for her friend. That is why you try to force her to move away from her friend. Whether such friend is good for her or bad is not the scope of this discussion and the scope is your intention behind forcing her to move away from this friend. Since your intention is selfish once again as you feel that this friend causes you discomfort through your wife; your love is corrupted.
It may be the case that this friend has done a lot for her and she may in fact be a very loyal friend with a couple of bad habits which most of us have. Apart from that, she may be going through a bad phase. This is why your wife may still wish to continue this friendship as she knows that the occasional setbacks caused by her friend are nothing compared to the value she brings to this friendship. If such is the case; you’re trying to snatch a very good friend from your wife; merely in order to avoid facing small discomforts.
Looking at the third type of conditions which you may impose on yourself; you may do a number of things for your wife or even for your marriage; when you don’t feel like doing them and you instead do them due to reasons. As you know by now; things you do for reasons rise from the intellect and when you do something for the ones you really love, your acts of love for them should not be inspired by reasons and they should rather be inspired by feelings which come from your heart.
Looking at some of these acts; your wife may ask you to go for morning walk with her on daily basis, you hate doing so but you don’t refuse her and you choose to go unwillingly; since you don’t want to upset her. You buy her expensive jewellery from time to time; not because you want to do so; but because you know that if you don’t do so; she may start telling you that you love her less now. You take her to dinners and vacations; not because you feel like doing so; but because you think you should do so.
You feel choked in this marriage and at times; you feel like you should spend some time alone or with friends; like going to a trip with your friends for some days; but you think she may get angry if you do so; and you don’t do it. You feel like providing financial help to a friend when he needs it but you know your wife may raise a serious argument and hence you avoid doing so in order to avoid troubles. You don’t want to invest money in a business venture with her friend’s husband but you push yourself to do so unwillingly as your wife may get offended otherwise.