God simply can’t afford to give you any favours when he’s judging your acts and he’s willing to do everything for you when he’s not judging your acts.
In the deepest sense; it means that loving you is his natural choice and judging you is a part of his duty. This is why he may punish you but he may never hate you and in fact he may continue loving you. Kindly understand that the punishment is for your act and the love is for you. Since your acts are not you; which means your karmas are not your soul since the soul remains unaffected from good and bad karmas; he simply can’t hate you. Whether you know or not; he’s in love with your soul which can never be corrupted. Since your soul remains the same; his love for your soul also remains the same.
On the other hand, since your acts are the resultant of your personality at any point in time; he punishes your acts or your personality and not you. It has been mentioned that in the third type of love which is soul deep; you can dislike the habits or personality of a person but you can’t hate him; once you fall in such love. Same is happening here; God is judging your acts and he’s not judging you. This is why he delivers favourable decisions at times and unfavourable ones at times; since these decisions are based on the nature of your acts, which keeps changing.
Hence he continues loving you the same; though he may like or dislike your acts; at different times; based on the positive or negative nature of those acts. Therefore, even if you receive punishment; you should know that he loves you and this punishment is the resultant of your act; and not the resultant of the dislike that you think he has for you.
It reminds of the saying, ‘hate the evil and not the one who does it’. Your evil acts are not because of you and they’re because of your personality at that time. Hence your personality should be hated and not you. The reason your personality should be hated is that by doing so; the people who hate your personality may stay away from such personality; so that they may not engage in evil deeds.
Since you’re a soul in the deepest sense; and a soul is always pure, free from each type of corruption; it should only be loved. Hence your practice of hating the evil acts of a person is like hating your evil acts, which is fair as it helps you stay away from evil acts. On the other hand, hating this person as a soul means hating yourself as well as God; since all the souls belong to the same source. Hence hating his soul means that in the deepest sense; you’re hating God; as his soul is coming from there only; and it’ll go there only.
This is why you should not hate anyone and at the most; you should dislike their negative habits or negative acts. If you hate the habit of stealing that a thief has; this hate will help you stay away from stealing. However, if you choose to hate the thief instead; you’re only going to trouble yourself in the long run. This is because you now hate his uncorrupted soul; which is a negative practice.
Looking at an interesting fact related to your act of offering a part of money to a religious place; God may punish your acts and he may love your soul at the same time. However, you may not be able to do so and you may start having grudges against him. Technically it means that you’re not in love with God and you’re in love with his acts of a specific type; at the most. It means your love is of the second type at the most; which changes when the acts of God change. Hence you love him more when his acts are favourable for you and you love him less; when his acts trouble you; though you duly deserve such troubles.
Going back to the example, you keep engaging in acts of selfishness and you manage subconscious guilt by engaging in acts of kindness. Your ego is fooling you and since this guilt is only being pacified for the time being; and it is not going away. It is like you pay the interest for a loan. Though the lender is pacified for some time; you haven’t paid the principle amount which still stands firm. Sooner or later; you’ll have to pay this amount in order to be actually free from it. Till that moment, you may at the most buy temporary relief by paying interest from time to time.
Moving ahead, suppose on a particular day, a person comes to you, he asks for some medicines which are expensive; he offers you only a part of the payment and he requests you to give him some time to arrange the remaining amount of money. You refuse him straight away and you tell him to pay in full if he wants medicines. He requests you that these medicines are for his son whose health condition has suddenly deteriorated, like he’s met with a serious accident and infection in his blood is increasing at a fast rate.
He tells you that the doctor says these medicines should be given to him at the earliest. He requests you repeatedly and he even offers his watch as a security. You’re neither interested in his son nor in this watch and all you want is money. Hence you refuse to give medicines and this person leaves your shop. Later on, he visits your shop with some people, they all look angry and they curse you for not giving him the medicines on time; as his son has died due to lack of proper medicines. This father is crying like hell and he curses you with some very bad things; like your son should also die like his son and you should not be able to save him.
This may prove a life turning event as the guilt caused by this event may be a strong type of conscious guilt. Even if you have reasonable amount of conscience, your ego may not be able to close this file. With every passing moment, hour and day; this guilt may start getting stronger; your ego may not be able to do much to handle it and before it looks for a balancing act; this conscious guilt may activate all the occurrences of your subconscious guilt of the same type.
As a result, a number of such memories from past may start haunting you when you engaged in acts of selfishness and you hurt people through them. As more and more such memories of guilt start dominating your conscious mind; a transformation is very likely to happen. Since every act of guilt needs an act of balance; you now need to balance all these occurrences of guilt before you can have some peace of mind. Since all this guilt has now become conscious guilt; conscious acts are required to balance it; as already explained earlier.
Hence you’re facing a situation where you need to consciously balance all this guilt; through a series of conscious acts of kindness. This is where your acts of repentance may begin in reality. It should be noted that you may not be able to fool yourself in case of conscious acts of balancing any type of guilt; by engaging in acts of eyewash; and you have to actually do things similar in quantum to that of the guilt. This is because conscious awareness makes it very difficult to do or not do something; which it finds wrong or right.
For example, if you’re a non-vegetarian and you eat all types of meat; this is what may happen in case of conscious and subconscious awareness. As long as you keep purchasing meet from a shop and you keep eating it; some type of subconscious guilt may be there, as you may think that killing animals for meat is bad. However, since you’re not killing them directly which means consciously; the guilt created in this case is subconscious and hence it can be handled relatively easily.
Let’s now convert this guilt into conscious guilt and see what happens. In order to do so, let’s introduce a variable. Suppose you love chicken and this condition says that you have to kill each and every chicken you want to eat, by yourself and only then you may eat it. Now imagine you’re to purchase a live chicken each time you wish to eat it; you have to kill it; you have to see it dying in pain and only then you’re able to eat it. Though some people may still manage to engage in this act; a number of people may quit the thought of eating chicken as guilt rising from the act of killing chickens again and again may prove difficult to handle for them.
Though the chickens are being killed in both the cases and they’re being killed for you, why is it easy for you to handle this fact in the first case whereas you find it difficult to handle in the second case? As you may know by now, the guilt rising from the first type of act is subconscious guilt and hence it is far easier to handle this type of guilt. Your ego or intellect may tell you that you didn’t ask anyone to kill this chicken and you only purchased a dead chicken. It means if you hadn’t purchased it; someone else would have done so; and the chicken would have been killed anyway.
All such reasons may certainly be capable of fooling you on conscious level; but the truth is otherwise. Do you really think if you as well as everyone else stops going to such shops for purchasing meat; they’ll continue killing animals? You know that the answer is no; since the people selling meat kill these animals for money and they don’t have any personal enmity with these animals. As soon as everyone stops purchasing them; they’ll stop killing them and it is as simple as that. Even if 10% people stop eating chicken, fewer chickens will be killed due to the rule of demand and supply.
Hence you’re certainly responsible for these killings, no matter how good you may be at fooling yourself. The moment you stop eating chicken; the chickens to be consumed by you in future will not be killed. It means your disengagement from this practice may reduce the number of chickens being killed for meat; though this reduction may be very small.
It’s like global pollution is at the highest; fuel burned by the cars is the main culprit; you own two cars and you think you’re not responsible. You may even convince yourself with logics like, ‘I don’t drive much’, but these are just excuses. The truth is that everyone who’s using something which causes pollution is certainly responsible for it and hence there should be no excuses for it.
However, since the act of polluting the air is a collective act; the responsibility is shared and this is what gives everyone a reason to satisfy himself that his part is very small in this act. The same happens in case of killing animals also; as it too is a collective act. Hence it gives you the luxury to think that even if you stop eating animals; other people will keep doing so and hence they’ll be killed anyways. It means they’re not being killed for you and you’re just eating the already killed animals.
I’m not saying that eating animals or even killing them for meat is bad as this choice is to be made by each individual for himself or herself. What I’m saying is that if you’re eating them; you should be able to accept this fact that they’re being killed for you if not by you. Hence if you’re comfortable with this fact that you like eating chickens and some of them are being killed for you; there are no issues at all; since you’re being honest.