Since she wants her son to make her proud; her love is not pure and it is corrupted. Her heart generates love for her son and her ego attaches conditions to this love. It means deep down; she has love for her son and at the same time, she wants him to pay back for this love, which means she expects return from her son. Hence there are two things happening at the level of her subconscious mind; one of them is love and second is the expectation for return which is corruption as it comes through her ego. Since the mind expresses each and everything it has; both these feelings are expressed by her. As a result, the act of hugging her son may be the expression of love whereas the act of mentioning a condition is the act of corruption. Hence she’s expressing both these feelings.
Looking at the second act; she makes her son’s favourite sandwich and then she enjoys watching him eat it and feel happy. This is an expression of love. Then she tells her son that she knows it is his favourite sandwich and that is why she made it for him; it is an act of corruption, though it is a subconscious act of corruption. This is because when you assert the fact that you’re doing something for someone; it only means one of the two things deep down.
The first probability is that you’re actually not doing it and you’re only pretending to do it; though it may all be happening subconsciously; which means even you may think you’re doing it. Looking at the second probability; you do so because you want something in return and hence you’re making sure that the other person knows you’re doing something for him; so that he may feel the need to return it with a favour.
This is because as long as a favour is not asserted; most people may not realize it consciously and hence they may not do anything to return it. For example, trees gives us cleaner air but most of us do nothing to return this favour and in fact, most of us don’t even think about it much. This is because trees don’t assert this fact that they’re doing us any favour by cleaning the air for us. It is further because they don’t need anything in return and hence the need to assert this favour doesn’t arise. The trees are focused on the karma of cleaning the air and they don’t care for whether they get anything in return or not. It means that trees are also engaging in Nishkaam karma, like most other systems of nature.
Imagine what may happen if a tax is levied by the government and this tax says that the amount collected will be used only in order to maintain and grow trees so that you may keep getting clean air. In simple words; you’re being asked to return the favour done by the trees. If such is the case, this fact will be asserted well in the draft of this tax that trees are essential; they do us a big favour by cleaning the air and they offer a number of other benefits also. Hence we must pay taxes in order to grow more trees and then maintain them.
Since return is expected here, though not by the trees directly; favours done by the trees have to be asserted properly in order to claim this return. Hence if such tax is levied; people who pay it will be aware all the time; that trees are doing them favour by cleaning the air and they’re returning this favour by paying taxes. Isn’t it surprising that as long as the trees don’t ask us to return favour which means they don’t assert the fact that they’re doing us any favour and they keep doing so quietly which means naturally; a number of us may not even realize this favour.
This is because the trees don’t want anything in return and accordingly; the need to assert the fact that they’re doing such favour doesn’t rise in the first case. Though you’re consciously more aware of the favour given by them in the second case as you’re reminded about this fact whenever you have to pay this tax; your certainly respect trees more deep down in the first case; though you may not be consciously aware about this fact. This is due to the reason that in the second case; you’re returning the favour and hence it becomes a type of trade. However in the first case; the favour is one way which means you only receive this favour and you’re under no obligation to return this favour. This is what generates respect and love deep down; though you may not know it consciously.
The same happens in most other spheres and the same happens in case of love also. Purer is the love; more silent it is and accordingly; more difficult it is for an average person to even feel it. This is because your lover in this case does everything in such natural way that even she may not know she’s doing things for you; let alone the fact that you may know. Suppose you naturally feel like eating and you eat something. Do you feel like you’ve done something with effort or intention? This is what you do naturally whenever you’re hungry. So what is there to feel about this act?
It means you won’t think much before eating whenever you’re hungry and you won’t give it a thought even after eating. Just imagine how strange it’ll be if you start telling yourself, ‘Oh I felt like eating and I gave myself something to eat’? If you’ve imagined this, now imagine it doing every time you eat or drink something throughout your life. Imagine that each time you go to pass urine; you tell yourself that you felt like passing urine and you took yourself to the toilet in order to do so : )
It sounds strange and so it is. The reason is that these acts happen naturally which means they’re controlled by your subconscious mind and you don’t need to worry about them. Just like they happen naturally and you don’t need to assert the fact that you’re doing them; a person who loves someone purely, goes through the same thing. It means if your mother loves you so; she may not even notice that she’s doing anything for you and everything may just happen. When love reaches its peak expression; you don’t do things for your lover and things just happen through you.
Pure love is so strong that it possesses you like a medium and you automatically start doing, whatever it wants to get done through you. Since you’re not doing anything with effort in the deepest sense; you don’t feel like doing any favours to your lover to start with; and hence the question of asserting such favours doesn’t arise. However, once the element of corruption is added to love; assertion becomes a part of your expressions since you need favours in return for your favours or love now; and returns can only be claimed if your lover knows first that you’ve given him or her something.
How can you expect someone to return you a favour when you haven’t given them any; at least according to their knowledge? Imagine a pizza delivery guy tells you to give him money for the pizza he delivered when he hasn’t delivered any pizza or you don’t know that he has delivered this pizza. You won’t pay him this money in any one of these cases as he’s asking for something in return for something and according to your conscious knowledge; he didn’t give you that thing to start with. Hence the question of return doesn’t arise. This is why a pizza delivery guy asks for payment when he has a pizza to deliver.
Since you know he’s delivering you the pizza you ordered and you need to pay him in return; as the favours are predefined in this case; you feel comfortable returning the favour. Hence if you need something in return for an act; you have to assert the favour given by you, whether you do so through conscious or subconscious expressions. It is interesting to note that a lover of this type keeps asserting his acts of love and hence he appears to love more than the lover whose love is pure and there’s no need to assert it.
This is the biggest reason that a number of people tend to fall for lovers who can only offer corrupted love and not pure love or let’s say love which is high in purity. More is the factor of corruption, more is the factor of assertion. Hence a lover with high percentage of corruption in his love may assert his love again and again through his acts, words or other things. Accordingly, you may feel that he loves you a lot when the truth is something else and you may come to know about this truth; only after spending a significant amount of time in his company; as you may be able to realize the true nature of his love during this time.
On the other hand, if you meet a guy with high conscience, which means he’s capable of loving with high purity; you may not be able to judge the depth of his love in the beginning and you may decide to move away from him, unless you’re a spiritually grown person. This is because he won’t assert his love again and again; he won’t engage in acts of show off; he won’t make ambitious but false promises and he won’t do anything else like these. Since the acts like these ones which are the acts of ego, have become the criterion to decide the strength of love in the present times; most people may not understand how to judge pure love which rises from the conscience and which fails all these tests.
This is because if you want to judge the love rising from conscience; the measures of ego won’t be able to judge it and you’ll need to know about the measures of conscience and then use them; in order to measure the depth of the love of one such person. For instance, if you need to understand something written in a specific language; you must know that language first, in order to read and understand the piece of writing in question. Therefore, in order to judge the love rising from heart boosted by conscience; you must know the language of heart and that of conscience. We’ll discuss this topic in detail, later on.
Hence when the mother of the second type is asserting the fact that she’s made a sandwich for her son; she’s making sure he knows that she’s giving him favours so that he may feel the subconscious need to return these favours. Such assertions from time to time will eventually condition the subconscious mind of this son in a way that he may always feel indebted to his mother and no matter how much he’s able to do for her; he still feels like falling short of what may be called satisfactory.
If you’re a son; you feel indebted to your mother and you keep doing one thing or another for your mother in order to feel satisfied; you should know that your love for your mother is not pure. This is because you can either be indebted or you can be in pure love; and you simply can’t do both at the same time. Kindly understand that as long as you feel the need do something for your mother in order to feel satisfied; your love is not pure. If your love for her is pure; you won’t do things for her in order to feel satisfied; you’ll do them because you simply feel like doing them; and that’s it.
Suppose you’re at a fruit shop; mangos have just come in as the season has started; your mother likes mangos a lot and you purchase mangos for her without even a thought. You go to her, you give her the mangos and even while you’re going home and giving her the mangos; you don’t feel like you’ve done anything at all. Though you may certainly enjoy when your mother becomes happy after seeing these mangos but that’s fine. If this is what you do in general; your love is high in purity.
Now imagine another scenario in this case. When you see freshly arrived mangos; they remind you of your mother and then you visit your past when she used to bring freshly arrived mangos for you and you enjoyed them a lot. You purchase mangos for her and on the way home; you think once, twice or even more; that your mother will be happy to see these mangos. You reach home and before giving her mangos; you tell her in a relatively loud voice that you’ve brought her favourite mangos. Then you give or show her the mangos and as she appreciates you for this act; you fill with pleasure.
If this is the case more or less; your love is corrupted. Kindly pay attention that the fact that your mother purchased mangos for you encouraged you to purchase mangos for her and your love didn’t do so. Hence you’re returning a favour and it is not an act of love. Since these things happen on subconscious level; it may be the case that you may purchase the mangos first and the thought that your mother purchased them for you visits your conscious mind after that. Even that means your love is corrupted though the percentage of corruption may be less in this case.
You think about this act while going home. It means that though you’ve purchased these mangos only once in reality; you’re purchasing them again and again in your mind. Hence this is an act of assertion and as you know; assertion is the result of corruption in love. As you reach home; you tell her in a relatively loud voice that you’ve brought mangos for her, which is again an act of assertion to the fact that you are returning the favour given by her to you; many years back. As she appreciates you; you’re focused more on the appreciation and less on her happiness, which is one more sign that your love is corrupted since you’re feeling happy when she accepts that you’ve returned the favour well.
It should be noted that most of this is happening on subconscious level and neither you nor your mother may plan any of these acts and they may happen naturally, without your conscious knowledge that you’re engaging in an act of returning favour; and you keep thinking it is an act of love for your mother. You see, there are always a number of subconscious signs for everything and once you start looking for them; they start becoming visible and hence it becomes easy to understand things in their deepest sense.
As you can see, the son in the first case simply feels like buying mangos for his mother and he buys them without any thought. Even when he gives mangos to his mother; he’s concerned about her happiness and not about the appreciation generated by her. Hence for this son; his mother and her happiness is important and there is neither the need to return favours; nor the need to feel satisfied that he’s done so successfully. This act is simple; he felt like buying mangos for his mother; he bought them and that’s it. This is like you felt like eating, you ate and that’s it. This is how natural love is.
The son in the second case is however, concerned about himself most of the time and that is what changes the nature of his love. Kindly understand that as soon as the need to return a favour is born; love goes away and trade comes in. This is because for a favour to be returned; there should be two parties; the first one which does a favour and the second one which returns that favour. It’s like you and the pizza delivering guy are two parties and not one party; when you’re exchanging favours which means you’re giving him money in exchange for pizza.
Hence the moment the need to return a favour done by your mother is born; you and your mother become two and you don’t remain one. As soon as you become two; the primary condition of love is violated as this condition says there is only one; and that one is your lover. It means when you’re in pure love; it’s all about your lover and it’s never about you; just like in case of the first type of son; as it’s all about his mother and it’s not about him at all.
This is because for harmony to be there; only one is allowed as two means disturbance. You may remember that your inner harmony is reached when your conscious and subconscious mind perfectly agree with each other in a situation; and they don’t differ at all. When it happens, they become one and as a result; you may be able to enjoy at your best or deliver your best according to the need of the situation. It is this harmony which results in absolute concentration and it is this harmony that all the saints witness all the time.
In fact, spiritual journey of a soul is the journey to achieve this perfect harmony between conscious and subconscious mind; on permanent basis. Hence when you’re able to live a moment with 100% inner harmony which means with 100% focus, if you’re ever able to do that; you should know that the kind of joy you feel during that moment is what a saint experiences all the time. This is because such harmony visits you coincidently for a few moments in your entire life whereas the saint has learnt the art to experience this harmony forever. Just imagine the height of your joy during one such moment and then imagine a saint living in the same joy forever. This is why spiritual growth is of supreme value and nothing compares to it.
Coming back to the example, since you feel the need to return a favour; you’re engaging in this act to free yourself from the debt and not for love. Hence you’re primary in this case since doing so will help you feel good and the happiness of your mother is secondary. The fact that you recreate this act of buying mangos in your imagination on your way back home; tells that you’re trying to increase the quantum of this act by asserting it again and again. It means you’ve bought mangos once in reality; but you’ll feel the satisfaction like you’ve bought them three to four times; depending on how many times you recreate this act.
The fact that you speak out relatively loud that you’ve purchased mangos for her and the fact that you focus more on the appreciation which is the credit clearance note in this case; than on her happiness indicate that you’re primary and she’s secondary. Imagine you’re making payment for something and the receiver gives you the receipt. Will you keep looking at the receiver or will you look at your receipt? This is what is happening in this case also; and this son is more interested in his receipt than the receiver, a perfect sign of trade. You see, how complex is the thing called human mind as we do a thing for one reason and we think we’re doing it for another reason : )