Suppose you have a wife and a daughter. Suppose you all to go to a restaurant which offers buffet as a meal as well as dishes from a la carte menu.
Suppose your daughter wants to go for the buffet, which is valid only for the next one hour, which means the buffet finishes in an hour and she can only enjoy it for an hour at the most. Suppose your wife opposes the decision of your daughter for some reason of her own and she asks her to order from the menu instead. Your daughter looks at you for help; and suppose you decide to help her out with what she wants.
As a result, you try to convince your wife that she should allow your daughter to have the buffet if she wants; but your wife stands firm on her opinion. You also take a stand in favour of your daughter and a situation of conflict is created where you two engage in an argument. Your daughter is the witness to this argument and at the same time; she’s hoping that you win so that she may enjoy this buffet. You represent the subconscious mind in this case, your wife represents the conscious mind and your daughter represents the heart. The amount of time available for your daughter to enjoy this buffet represents the net available energy; and this time is 1 hour from the moment it all starts happening.
When it comes to this argument; there are two factors which decide the chances of your victory over your wife, in favour of your daughter. The first factor is which one of you dominates the other one in general, which means which one of you has a more dominating personality in general. The second factor is how far you are willing to go in order to win this argument in favour of your daughter. Suppose you have a personality which is stronger than your wife’s, and hence you’re able to win in most situations when you really want to do so. Your wife on the other hand, also has a strong personality and she’s capable of putting up a strong fight; even if she’s not capable of winning in most cases.
The argument starts and suppose in a matter of five minutes; things heat up and none of you is willing to withdraw. Though you’re certainly able to win in the end; the cost you may pay for this victory may also be bothering you after these five minutes. It means at the beginning of this argument; you did not imagine that your wife could be willing to go all the way in order to stick to her viewpoint and you thought she’d surrender easily.
However after five minutes, you realize that though you may win; the prize you pay for this victory may be high or very high. It means you realize that this argument may turn into a dispute between your wife and you; and this dispute may disrupt the harmony in family; at least for the coming few days. This is the time when the second factor of how deeply you want to win this argument comes into the picture. It means though you can win; you now have to consider whether or not you want to pay so much cost for this victory; which is to be won in favour of your daughter.
You realize at this point that if you keep trying to win this argument, you may win it but your wife may get offended whereas if you choose to surrender as the cost for this victory may be high according to you, you may end up disappointing or even offending your daughter. It should be noted that though being a stronger type of personality; you have the ability to decide this argument in any direction if you want; you may still get confused as to which direction you should choose to go now.
This is how your subconscious mind is stuck in such cases. Though it may have the ability to win over your conscious mind in a number of situations and it may even engage in wars against your conscious mind in a number of such situations; it may soon feel trapped just like you in the present case; and it may choose to surrender. When it does so, it doesn’t mean it is not capable of winning over your conscious mind in one such case and it simply means it doesn’t want to pay the cost for this victory.
The same may happen in case of your conscious mind also, which means though it may be capable of winning over your subconscious mind in a number of cases; it may choose to surrender in order to avoid disturbing the inner harmony. It should be noted that though your conscious and subconscious mind may engage in conflicts with each other every now and then; they don’t have any conflict of their own and they engage in such conflicts on behalf of your body, heart, intellect, ego and conscience from time to time. Under ideal conditions, all they want is to be in harmony with each other. We’ll discuss this topic in detail, later on.
It is like in the present example, your relationship with your wife is good otherwise and you’re engaging in conflict with her at this time; on behalf of your daughter. It means you don’t have any direct conflict of your own with her and she doesn’t have any direct conflict of her own with you. Back to the example, suppose you take a couple of moments to decide the course of your next action and then you finally decide in favour of your daughter. It means you choose to continue engaging in this argument and you decide to pay whatever it takes; in order to fulfil the wish of your daughter. Suppose after another five minutes; you’re able to dominate your wife and as a result, your daughter receives permission to have the buffet; which is what she wants.
Kindly note that by this time; 10 minutes have already been wasted. Hence your daughter can enjoy this buffet; only for 50 minutes instead of being able to enjoy it for 60 minutes. Another thing worthy of being noted is that though she may have her buffet; a part of her mind may still be distracted by the arguments which may still be going on between you and your wife; as she has not surrendered yet. Hence your daughter is able to enjoy for less time as well as with less quantum, due to the conflict of opinions between you and your wife.
Comparing this buffet to the case when you have ice cream for the first time at the formal dinner; it happens when you two are in harmony. This means your daughter expresses her wish to have buffet; you as well as your wife agree to it at once; and she is able to enjoy her meal for entire 60 minutes and that too without any disturbance, since both of you support her wish. This is what happens inside you also; and a number of entities keep interacting with one another; positively or negatively; for almost each and everything you do.
Let’s now get back to the three factors which affect the distribution of energy in case of conflict between your heart, conscious mind and subconscious mind. Since relevance is the first factor, the other two factors come into play only after this. Relating it to the present example, your daughter may have this buffet only if you win the argument and you can win the argument only if you’re stronger than your wife and you wish to pay any price for this victory, if needed. Hence the factor of relevance comes first and the factor of how deeply your subconscious mind wants to win the case of ice cream for your heart comes second.
It means even if it is capable of winning this case for you; it may or may not choose to go all the way, at the cost of offending your conscious mind. Hence the factor of desire to win comes second and only after that; the third factor called strength comes to play. Since your subconscious mind may choose to surrender to your conscious mind even if the former is capable of winning; the factor of desire to win is more important that the factor of strength.
As you eat this second portion of ice cream; you’re not able to enjoy it like you did in the first case due to a conflict between your subconscious and conscious mind, which causes disturbance within you and which also reduces the amount of energy available for your heart to enjoy this act. That is why you needed no effort to enjoy your ice cream in the first case since your subconscious and conscious mind were in harmony and they favoured the wish of your heart.
Let’s go one step further and assume that after this second portion is finished; your heart still wants to have one more portion of ice cream and this proposal is forwarded to your conscious mind through your subconscious mind. The equation may change once again due to change in the variable called the intensity of desire to have another portion of ice cream. Let’s draw a parallel comparison and let’s assume that after finishing the buffet; your daughter wants to have another item which was not featured in the buffet but which is available on the menu.
Suppose you again support her decision and your wife again opposes it completely. It should be noted that the situation is not the same here and the intensity of desire to engage in your relevant acts may change this time. For instance, though your daughter may want this item, she may not want it with the same intensity. It means she may not be willing to go through all the trouble like in the first case, in order to have this item and she may be willing to have it only if you and your wife are in harmony.
Another point worthy of being noted is that she’s already satisfied to a great extent by having this buffet and hence; her desire to have this item may be much weaker in quantum; compared to her desire to have buffet, which was strong. Hence when she looked at you for help in case of buffet; her eyes and body language requested you to do whatever it takes to fulfil her desire, and those expressions encouraged you to go all the way.
However this time, you notice that her expressions are not intense, which means she’s not that much interested in this item. It relaxes you since the pressure put by your daughter on you is much less in this case. Kindly note that this pressure is an important factor which influences your decision as to how far you may be willing to go in an argument with your wife; if the situation so demands. Hence more intense is her wish; more pressure is put on you and accordingly; more may be your desire to go to any lengths; in order to win this argument in her favour. Since the pressure is less from her side in this case; your desire to pay high price for an argument may also be less intense.
However, there’s another factor which influences this desire though in a negative way and here it is. Since you love your wife also; the intensity of her desire to engage in a serious argument over this issue also affects your desire to engage in this argument, in a negative way. It means more interested you find her in going all the way; less you may want to go all the way; since you know doing so may come at a high price.
However, when you find her relatively relaxed which means though she offers resistance but you notice that she’s really not willing to go all the way; it gives boost to your desire to argue. If such is the case, your daughter’s intense desire to have buffet is giving boost to your desire to argue with your wife and your wife’s relatively relaxed expressions are further motivating you to engage in an argument since you feel that you’ll win this argument relatively easily.
The situation may be exactly the opposite in the present case and that is why you may not even think of engaging in an argument. This happens because the pressure put by your daughter is not much in this case and hence the first factor works against your desire to argue with your wife. On the other hand, your wife may have ‘do or die’ type of looks on her face this time as she has recently lost an argument and she may not be prepared to lose another.
Hence her even stronger desire to engage in an argument may also work against your desire to engage in an argument and as a result, you may choose not to engage in an argument this time. In the first case; both or at least one factor affecting your desire to argue was promoting this desire. One factor in this context means that your daughter was completely resolved to have this buffet and hence she put a lot of pressure on you to argue for her. If your wife was relatively relaxed; both the factors worked in your favour and if she’s not; even then one factor promoted your desire to argue and win.
However, in the second case; both these factors are working against your desire to argue with your wife. Hence you’re more likely to request your wife this time and you’re not likely to engage in an argument. Only if your wife agrees easily, you as well as your daughter may be willing to go ahead with your daughter’s choice or you may both surrender otherwise. An interesting thing is that your wife might also have noted that in the first case; the intensity of your daughter’s desire to have this buffet was high and the intensity of your desire to win the argument was also high.
Both these factors subconsciously reduced the intensity of her desire to go to any lengths in order to win this argument; though she did not realize it consciously. However in the second case, she may realize that neither your daughter’s desire nor your desire is much intense and hence it may promote the intensity of her desire on subconscious level; though she may not know it consciously. It means in the first case; she may realize deep down that none of you is going to surrender and that weakens her subconsciously. However in the second case, she knows deep down that both of you are willing to surrender and this fact gives her more strength.
This is because when you know your competitor or enemy is willing to go all the way and he’s neither willing to accept defeat nor he’s going to surrender; you may choose to fight this enemy only when it is unavoidable, given the fact that there’s not much difference between your strengths, though you may be a little stronger in general. This is because you know he’s prepared to kill or die and he’s not going to settle. This is a high stake battle and most people will choose to avoid it; and wisely so.
This is why two warriors who are brave enough to kill or die in any situation; usually respect each other and at the same time; they don’t want to face each other as long as the same is avoidable. Deep down they know that if one such battle happens; one of them may die and the other one may almost die since the quantum of injuries sustained by the winner may be high. Since it is a high stake battle; even brave warriors may avoid it as long as they can; unless they wish to kill or die for any reasons, beyond the scope of this discussion.