Coming back to the example where your moral-sense stops you from eating a lot of food, it may do so in a friendly manner and it may also ensure that your heart is compensated in one way or another, instead of ignoring it.
Looking at the way it may do so, the next time you have free time and you feel like eating, it may remind your heart to have this food item again, supposing it is an item which is generally not made at home and it is available at commercial food joints only. As that happens, these four units may once again start an equation within you. Let’s look at this equation.
It may require ten minutes to go there, another ten minutes to come back and about thirty minutes to have this item; this is what your brain may be thinking at this time. When it comes to your self-pride, it may never suggest this option to start with as it may desire to use these fifty minutes for something profitable and there’s no profit in spending fifty minutes plus money to have what your heart wants.
Since you’re a moral-sense ruled native, you don’t have an issue with self-pride and your issue is more likely to be with the brain. The brain may suggest that spending fifty minutes and money merely in order to have a feeling which you have already had many times; is not a good option. Your brain may suggest you to invest this time in learning something new; revise something already learnt or create something new with the knowledge you have.
Once again there’s a conflict between your brain and heart like the previous circumstance and your moral-sense brings harmony through the same method. It honours the wish of your heart and it assures your brain that its concern will also be taken care of. Your moral-sense keeps doing this and it maintains harmony between all these units. It honours the request of your body when required and it does the same in case of your heart and brain.
Since your moral-sense is taking good care of all of them and it is not asking them to pay high price like self-pride does, all these units may start loving your moral-sense with the passage of time and they may be ready to make any compromise at its wish. The best thing is that your moral-sense never tells any of these units to make unnecessary compromises and it lets all of them exhibit in their natural states.
In fact, it may boost their performances. As a result, you may do business like a perfect businessman with no feelings involved, you may enjoy like a child who doesn’t have brain to start with and you may also take good care of your body. This is called the state of balance and once you reach it, only then can you realize how good it is to be in this state. We’ll discuss more about the working of moral-sense in the coming parts of this book.
Going back, being an heartly kind, you hit your lover and then you start hitting your fist against the wall, in order to balance out what you did. You may not know it consciously, but the number of times your fist hits against the wall may be such that the quantum of pain you suffer becomes equal to the quantum of pain that you lover is experiencing according to you. As you reach that point, your fist may stop hitting against the wall because even this feeling may leave your heart now; that you’re guilty of hitting your lover. Soon after this, the feeling of care for your lover may take over your heart and you may start attending to her medical needs.
It is interesting that you may not carry much guilt for this incident after you’ve injured your fist, as justice has been delivered according to you. Even if your lover brings up this incident after some time like a couple of months later; and she complains that you once hit her so bad; you may at once say that then you hit yourself also, as an act of repentance. When you say this, your voice as well as your body language may not carry much guilt or any guilt at all and instead, it may carry love. This is because your unconscious part of brain/mind carries no guilt related to this incident as the equation was settled on the spot and hence; it may not express such guilt through unconscious expressions like your voice and body language.
Unless intentionally controlled in some cases, your voice, words and your body language are the carriers for the expressions of your unconscious part of brain/mind whereas your words are the carries for the expressions of your conscious part of brain/mind, in most cases. It means words can carry conscious as well as unconscious expressions. That is the reason it is said that you should pay more focus to someone’s facial expressions, body language and the energy that his voice carries; than to his words. The reason for this is that the expressions of the conscious part of brain/mind are often manipulated and they’re not true as you can control them. Hence you have the luxury of changing any kinds of words in order to benefit in any kind of circumstance.
On the other hand, your unconscious part of brain/mind offers you no such luxury on account of which, the expressions given by it are true, though they may be subtle and difficult to read at times. You may have noticed that your girlfriend might have said no to a number of things; but she actually wanted to do those things in reality. For example, she might have said no to the first dating proposal when you approached her, though her unconscious expressions might have conveyed a clear consent or even willingness.
It may also happen that she keeps saying no but you find her interested for some reason unknown to you and so you propose her that you’ll wait for her at such and such place and at such and such time. She may say no even to this or she may say ‘I’m not sure’ or ‘I don’t know’, when you once again have a feeling that she will certainly come. Your feeling proves true and she comes.
The reason this happens is because in general; women are much more conscious than men and this extra consciousness creates significant difference between their conscious and unconscious expressions. In this circumstance, her unconscious part of brain/mind has a liking for you and accordingly it agrees to your proposal through her body language and other expressions which carry its signalss. The conscious part of brain/mind on the other hand, may consider social conditioning as a big factor on account of which, it may apply a number of filters to the original signals.
Kindly note that when you ask her out on a date, the answer to this question is generated by her unconscious part of brain/mind and this answer is yes. However, as this answers tries to get out, her conscious part of brain/mind may try to change this answer for many reasons and this is where this difference starts building. As the conscious part of brain/mind can control words and sometimes even facial expressions with effort; she may convey disinterest in your proposal through these channels.
However, the channels beyond control of her conscious part of brain/mind in general, and the channels which convey the unfiltered signalss of her unconscious part of brain/mind may express a clear consent. That is the reason you may observe that she is saying no to your proposal but the tone of her voice, her facial expressions as well as her body language is in opposition to this ‘no’ and all these channels are saying yes. You may not understand the exact reason for this contrast but you may be smart enough to observe that she means yes as you may read some of her unconscious expressions, if not all of them.
Hence you continue delivering your proposal, she says no to the date or she says she doesn’t know whether she can come or not; but you have a strong feeling that she’ll come and she does appear at the venue. That is the reason it is said that when a girl says no, she doesn’t mean it. The conscious part of brain/mind of a woman is much more active than that of a man and hence the filters applied to the expressions of her unconscious part of brain/mind, which are the natural expressions; are more in number. As a result, her body language and her words may convey the opposite signalss where her words may say no and her body language or all of her unconscious channels may express a clear yes.
One of the reasons women use conscious part of brain/mind much more than men is that throughout the history of mankind, women have been used, exploited and troubled a lot, especially by men. Hence most women have this unconscious fear that men may hurt or exploit them; especially men they don’t know well. This creates the require to be on alert and when it comes to active alertness; it is the domain of conscious part of brain/mind. Therefore, the conscious part of brain/mind of a woman is much more active than that of a man, particularly in these circumstances.
If you take a look at the entire history of interactions between men and women; you may find a large number of incidents where men physically abused women or hurt them in other ways. However, it may be difficult to find such incidents where a woman raped a man. Since this information is fed into our unconscious part of minds as a part of general awareness; a man doesn’t have the require to use conscious awareness or fear when planning to meet a woman for the first time; even at a lonely place. He may not think about it consciously, but he knows unconsciously that women don’t hurt men on physical level. Accordingly, there is no fear and his conscious expressions don’t require extra filtering.
A women on the other hand, is unconsciously aware that if she goes out with a man on a date, particularly the one she can’t duly trust at the time in question; the chances of something troublesome happening to her are there, though they may not be high. This is what creates the require to be alert. Hence she has two feelings where the first one is that of liking for a man and the second one is that of fear of men in general; on account of the information stored on her unconscious part of brain/mind; related to a number of unfortunate incidents of violence against women by men.
As a result, the fear is conveyed through her words whereas the liking is conveyed through the other channels which carry the signalss of the unconscious part of brain/mind and which in general can’t be controlled by the conscious part of brain/mind. Hence in reality, she means that she likes you but she’s also afraid that something bad may happen to her if she chooses to meet you alone. That is the reason if you ask a girl out on first date, you should propose a place which is full of natives instead of a place which is solitary in one way or another, as the presence of other natives may lower the extent of her fear and it may become easier for her to agree to your proposal.
For example, if you’re asking a girl out for the first time and you’re proposing to go for mountain tracking or even for a movie, the chances are high that she may refuse though she may surely desire to go out with you. This is on account of the reason that the fear factor may be more than the liking factor in this case and hence she may avoid going out with you. When it comes to mountain tracking, she’s alone with you and almost anything unpleasant can happen to her. This may convey a strong feeling of fear and the answer is almost bound to be no for this proposal as well as for all other such proposals where she’s alone with you.
When it comes to movie, the circumstance presents a different kind of fear. Though there may be many natives watching movie, the theatre has complete darkness and darkness means fear. In this circumstance, she may not imagine the worst kind of things like a rape or a murder; on account of the presence of a number of natives in the theatre, but the fear of subtle kind of violence is still there. For example, she may fear that you may use darkness to your advantage and you may try to get access to those parts of her body; which she may not desire you to access during this date; for one reason or another.
Hence the chances of no are again high though they are not as high as in case of mountain tracking. You may wonder that when you asked your girlfriend out for a movie on your first date, why did she agree? Was she fearless or was she not aware of all this information about a number of men having the tendency to physically exploit women at lonely places? None of them may be the reason and there are other valid reasons for her consent.
For example, though it is your first date; she knows you for a long period of time and she has developed liking as well as trust for you. It can happen if you two are classmates, neighbours or colleagues for a long period of time and during this time, she’s come to know that you can be trusted with such incidents, to a reasonable extent. Hence she may say yes to a movie proposal because the fear factor is lower than the liking factor plus trust factor, though she may still say no to mountain tracking as the fear factor may become higher than the liking plus trust factor in that case.
Another reason for her consent may be that though she may not know much about you and accordingly she may not trust you much, she may have a different kind of feeling. She has a liking for you, she knows what luxuries you can try to take in the darkness of the theatre and she may be ready to give you those luxuries on account of her own reasons. For example, she may have a personality kind which says doing that much on a first date is not a problem and hence she may say yes. This girl knows what you can do at the most at a theatre, and she’s prepared for that or she may even be willing for you to do that. That is the reason she may say yes.
However in general, when you ask a girl out for the first date, you should propose a public place as that increases your chances because the fear factor lowers significantly in this case. That is the reason asking a girl out on a coffee date has become the most prevalent form of proposal for first dates. A café is full of natives; she doesn’t have any reason to fear you at all; and hence she may say yes; through conscious or unconscious expressions.
However, in order for her to agree to your proposal, even on unconscious level; she must have some liking for you. It means even if she feels the safest on a proposed date with you but she has no liking for you; the answer may be a clear no. Hence the phrase ‘when a girl says no, she means yes’ is not completely true and it needs modification. The modified form is that ‘when a girl says no, she may mean yes’. If the girl has liking for you and she says no, it can mean yes. On the other hand, if she doesn’t like you or she dislikes you; no means no in such cases.
Some natives may be confused when it comes to differentiate between a real ‘no’ and a ‘no’ conveying yes. It may seem difficult but it may become easier, if you know the mechanism of conscious as well as unconscious part of brain/mind, which means how they give out expressions. If a girl says no but she means yes, her words may carry no but the rest of her expressions which are unconscious expressions carry a clear yes. If on the other hand, she says no and she means no; her words as well as her unconscious expressions carry a clear no.
In the first case, there’s a contrast between the expressions of her conscious part of brain/mind and those of her unconscious part of brain/mind whereas in the second case, there’s a harmony between the expressions of her conscious and unconscious part of brain/mind as they’re both conveying the same signals. This is because in the first case, she needs to express liking and fear at the same time and hence there’s a contrast. However, in the second case, she only wants to convey disinterest because the fear factor is not there; as the fear factor may be considered only if she wants to go out with you.
For example, if you desire to go for mountain tracking; only then may you bother about the risks involved in this venture. On the other hand, if you’re not interested in mountains to start with; there’s no point in assessing the risk. As a rule of human brain/mind; liking or disliking for something is considered first and if the result is liking; only then the other factors like fear, risk or cost are considered. Taking an example in case of cost, when you go to purchase a car; you don’t ask about the discounts offered for a car first and then like it; you like it first and then look at the discounts. This is because if you don’t like it at all, what is the point in wasting your time asking for discounts.
Hence if she doesn’t like you, the only expression she needs to convey is that she’s not interested and that comes as a harmonious expression shared equally well by her conscious as well as by her unconscious expressions. Taking a look at the third case, a girl may say yes, through her words as well as through her unconscious expressions. If that happens, it means this girl likes you a lot and she also trusts you to the point that she has no fear when she’s with you. As there is only one expression in this case also, her words and her entire body language carry the same signals of yes. The girl of this kind may even approach you in order to initiate a relationship.
Looking at the fourth probability; a girl may express yes through her conscious expressions but her unconscious expressions may convey a clear no. It means that deep down; this girl is not interested in your proposal; but she’s still saying yes. This may happen in case of an arranged marriage when the parents of a girl convince or force her to say yes when you ask her about her consent for marriage, at a family meeting. She may say yes through her words; but her unconscious expressions may convey ‘no’ or ‘I’m not sure’. Her words are conveying the conditions imposed on her and her body language is conveying her true wish.
Likewise, a girl may not like you much but she may say yes to your dating proposal; as she may be interested in something you may have; instead of being interested in you. For example, she may have strong liking for pleasures which can be obtained through money; she may not have much money and you may have a lot of it. Hence she may pretend to be interested in you when in reality; she’s only interested in your money. In this case, she may say yes when you ask her out, but her unconscious expressions may suggest a ‘no’, though the no in this case may be difficult to read.
As the conscious expressions are obvious, there is no require to discuss them. So let’s look at some unconscious expressions which may help you understand this equation. In case a girl is interested in you but she doesn’t say so; here are some unconscious signs to look for. She may say no to your dating offer, but she may convey a number of unconscious signs in favour of this offer or in favour of you; depending on her overall personality, the extent of liking she has for you, the circumstance and some other variables which may be different in different cases. Hence her responses may change with changes in these variables, which means different girls may give different kinds of unconscious signs in response to the same offer.
Taking a look at some of these signs, the ‘no’ may be soft which means it may not carry much energy and the sentence carrying ‘no’ may be delivered at a relatively slower pace and it may carry significant or even more than significant length. It means that the ‘no’ contained in her sentence may not carry heartfelt energy and as you understand by now, the absence of this energy means the word is a formal word and it is not coming from the heart. Since the approval for any kind of liking or disliking has to come from heart in order to be true, absence of this energy suggests that it hasn’t come from heart and it is coming from brain.
The reason she may not give you a simple no and she may instead choose a long sentence like, ‘I don’t think I’ll be able to do that tomorrow or I don’t think that’s a good idea’; is that she doesn’t desire to discourage you from asking her out and hence she’s taking due time to speak with you; which is another unconscious sign of interest. Kindly note that we only pay more or even due focus to things or natives we really like and we don’t desire to spend time or focus for things or natives we don’t care for, whether positively or negatively.
Hence the fact that she’s using long sentences while speaking to you or she’s saying things at a slower pace means she wants to give you more time in order to keep you interested. The volume of her voice may also be lower than the average volume of her voice. This is again a unconscious sign that she doesn’t desire to say no. Hence the volume of her voice lowers unconsciously which means automatically; as if she’s trying to stop her denial from reaching you.
Her body language may suggest alertness and it may look tense. The reason this may happen is that she’s interested in you and hence she’s trying to look as active as she can as that can project her personality in an even better way. For example, her stomach may be tucked in more than usual which means she wants to impress you. As you already know by now, you only desire to impress natives you like and you don’t waste time impressing natives you’ve got nothing to do with at all.
She may avoid eye contact as much as she can, though this sign may change in case of certain specific kinds of girls like a girl who’s relatively bold and who likes you a lot. If such is the case, she may say ‘no’ but she may keep looking at your face or in your eyes; so that you may read a clear yes in her eyes. The reason an average kind of girl may avoid eye contact is because she knows you may read a clear yes in her eyes. Eyes are very powerful media and they can convey much more than words can, in such circumstances.
The physical distance between the two of you is one of the most principal factors as it is one of the strongest unconscious signs for liking or disliking. Kindly note that each one of us has a unconscious boundary or physical distance which we consider neutral and this boundary may be different for different natives, depending on their overall personalities. This neutral boundary means that if you neither like nor dislike a native as it may be your first interaction and you’re not afraid of him for any reasons like a conscious fear that he may harm you; this is where you desire that native to be.
Consider this distance is 3 feet in your case, though you may not be consciously aware of this boundary as it is a unconscious boundary. It means that you’re comfortable when natives belonging to general category maintain a distance of at least 3 feet or slightly more, while they approach you or talk to you. This is your neutral unconscious boundary of safety or your neutral comfort zone.
This boundary changes in case of natives belonging to special categories, depending on whether these categories are positive or negative. For example, this boundary may shift to 4 feet in case of natives you already don’t like or in case of natives, who’re meeting you for the first time but for some reason, you don’t feel safe with them and you’re scared to some extent.
Likewise, this boundary may shift to 2 feet, 1 foot or even less in case of natives you like and this boundary keeps reducing in distance, as your liking for a native increases. When you like a native a lot, like your mother, this boundary may disappear altogether, even if for some moments; and these are the moments you feel like hugging her or you allow her to hug you. This boundary may not disappear all the time even in case of your dearest ones but it may certainly be placed much closer than its neutral placement. For example, even when you don’t feel like hugging your mother; or you don’t feel like she should hug you, you may be perfectly comfortable if she maintains a distance of 1 foot or more.
This unconscious boundary may be called your comfort zone in general. This zone is unconscious which means it is hidden. Hence you may not consciously see this boundary present or shifting in case of different natives, but you may surely feel it and that also in a strong way. This comfort zone for different natives is defined by their unconscious part of minds, it may be different for different natives based on a number of variables and it may be even different for the same native, at different times.
For example, if you’re a girl, your comfort zone for a boy may be 1 foot at a time as he may be your boyfriend at that time; and this zone may shift to 3 feet or even more; once you breakup with him. The phrase ‘even more’ in this context means that you may develop dislike for him and hence your comfort zone may shift to an even greater distance than normal.
Kindly note that your comfort zone is maintained by your unconscious part of brain/mind; only as and when it is possible to do so. Hence this boundary may not be maintained at places where crowd is a compulsory condition and you can’t escape it; like a discotheque. The boundaries are changed or adjusted in this case under compulsion and they come back to their normal state; as and when this compulsion goes off.
It is interesting to note that natives who put great importance to their comfort zones or boundaries often don’t like going to these places. The reason behind this is that they don’t like their comfort zones to be redefined in ways that these zones shrink a lot, which means that natives belonging to general category are temporarily allowed to enter the zones defined for the dear ones. Since this is a unconscious reason, they may not know it precisely though they may feel strong discomfort at these places; and this is the reason they avoid going to these places.
Another fact related to the comfort zone is that your unconscious part of brain/mind tries to maintain it in every circumstance; though you may not have the conscious knowledge of this fact. For example, if the minimum distance for a native in general category is 3 feet and the maximum distance is 5 feet; yes there is a maximum distance also; this is what may happen. If this native enters this zone of 3 feet, you may automatically step behind in order to shift this boundary to 3 feet or more once again, and you may do it without effort, which means unconsciously.
On the other hand, if this native goes at a distance of more than 5 feet for any reason, you may automatically come closer to him in order to maintain a distance between 3 and 5 feet with him. The same equation applies to all other kinds of natives, which means if your mother goes at a distance of 3 feet for any reason when the boundaries in her case are 1 foot to 2 feet; you may move closer to her in order to maintain this comfort zone. You see, how smart and intelligent system you have inside you, which does so many things for you; and that too without your conscious knowledge.
After knowing how your comfort zone operates, let’s get back to the example. Pay close focus to how she maintains her comfort zone with you because this is one of the most principal unconscious signs which can tell you which category has her unconscious part of brain/mind put you into, at any particular time. In general, most women have similar kinds of comfort zones and most men also have similar kinds of comfort zones, though the average comfort zone of a woman may be different from the average comfort zone of a man, particularly when she’s interacting with a man.
This is again because of the fear factor. Since women have unconscious fears related to men; the average distance they maintain in case of unknown women is less than the average distance they maintain in case of interacting with unknown men. As women don’t fear women in general, the boundary shrinks. On the other hand, the boundary expands in case of their interactions with men, as the fear factor is there, deep in the unconscious part of brain/mind.
Therefore, if you desire to assess your true circumstance, you should have basic knowledge about her comfort zone with women in general as well as that in case of men in general. It is not difficult and you can learn it by simply observing her interactions with some males as well as with some females, belonging to general category and those belonging to special category like friends. For example, if you observe that she allows her male friends up to a distance of 2 feet from her whereas she allows males in general category up to a distance of 3 feet, this much is sufficient for you.
As you approach her, stand at a distance of about 3 feet and wait for some time while talking. If she neither likes you nor dislikes you; she’ll maintain this distance from her side. If she doesn’t like you or she dislikes your proposal, she may automatically increase the distance by stepping back or by leaning back. If that happens, you don’t stand any chance with her; at least at this time.
A caution is compulsory here. You should be duly aware of her comfort zone and in the first step, you should not invade her comfort zone or you may read this sign in a wrong way. For example, if you get as close to her as 2 feet when you approach her for the first time, she may simply step back to maintain her neutral comfort zone with you. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you and it only means you initiated a panic response inside her, by invading her comfort zone in an abrupt manner. Hence the sign of dislike is valid only if you’re at a neutral distance and she still tries to increase this distance.
On the other hand, if she likes you; as you stand at 3 feet and wait while talking to her, she may automatically come closer to you. The word ‘automatically’ has been used because these responses are not controlled responses and they’re natural responses which originate from the unconscious part of brain/mind. Hence the concerned native may not even know that he or she’s doing such things, on a conscious level.
She may step forward or she may simply lean forward in order to lower this distance, depending on the circumstance as well as on her overall personality kind. If that happens, you should know that she likes you and closer she gets, bigger is her liking for you. Consider she comes to a distance of 2 feet while talking to you. It means she’s comfortable with you because she’s allowed you in the zone where she puts her friends, and friends are always comfortable to be with. It means she has liking for you and if she has fear also, liking is more than fear. Hence your chances are good.
However, the comfort zone factor doesn’t finish here and it only starts from here. Throughout the conversation, pay focus to the distance she maintains as it may keep changing. If you say something that makes her think negatively about you, this distance will increase automatically in the order of such negativity. It means a strong negative gesture from you may offend her more and the distance may increase more.
If on the contrary, she decreases this distance by stepping forward or leaning forward when you do something or say something, it means that your gesture has created a positive response within her, she’s feeling more comfortable with you and hence the distance is decreased. Closer she lets you come, bigger is the liking. If you find her comfortable and leaning forward instead of stepping forward, it means she wants to get closer but she wants you to make this move. In this case, you should take a step forward and you’ll find that she may not object at all. In fact she may welcome this move.
The distance factor can be used not only for this circumstance, but also in order to assess the value she assigns to you, at any stage during this relationship, if you succeed in having a relationship with her. For example, as long as she doesn’t feel very comfortable with you, she may still maintain a distance, even if it is 6 inches. However, as soon as she’s all into you, the distance will disappear and she may even start touching you or leaning against your body a number of times. This is a strong unconscious sign that you’re allowed as deep in her comfort zone, as anyone can be, at least for the time being.
When it comes to the sentences she may use if she likes you, even if she says no, her sentences may include hints of some other options and the sentences may be open as well as suggestive. For example, if you ask her out for a movie date and she says she doesn’t like watching movies or she doesn’t feel like watching a movie these days, when the basic signs are in your favour, she’s only rejecting the proposal for a movie and she may not be rejecting you.
This is because she has not closed this sentence and she has kept it open, though in a unconscious way. If she uses sentences like, ‘I’m not interested, I don’t have time for all this or I already have a boyfriend’; these are closed sentences and they leave no choice for you. I’m not interested means she’s not interested in whatever you may propose because she’s not mentioned that it is the movie that she’s not interested in. Hence it means you and so this sentence is a closed one, giving you no option to move ahead. Likewise, the other two sentences mean that she’s not interested in you, at least at this time; and that’s the end of the road for the time being.
However, when she says she doesn’t desire to watch a movie; it is an open sentence because it suggests that she may have nothing against you and instead, she’s opposed to movies. At the same time, this sentence suggests that she may like doing something else because a specific denial for movie means a probable desire for something else. It is the time to note that when you’re really not interested in all the things of a kind, you generally don’t mention any one of them, even in a negative way.
For example, consider someone invites you for a meeting at a café, he orders coffee and sandwiches for himself and then he asks you whether you’ll have sandwiches as well with your coffee. There are two ways you may answer this question and they both mean different things. If you’ve recently eaten and you don’t feel like eating anything at all, you may say, ‘No thanks or I’ll have nothing or I’ll have coffee only’. All these sentences are closed sentences because what you desire deep down is what you’re saying. Hence this answer is a clear no.
On the other hand, if you feel like eating something but you don’t like sandwiches and at the same time, you don’t desire to express yourself loud, this is what may happen. You may say, ‘Oh thanks but I don’t like sandwiches’ or anything like this. This is an open sentence which suggests that you’re not opposed to eating and you’re opposed to the sandwiches. Hence you’re suggesting to the other native that he should ask you about something else.
The same thing is happening here. The girl is not saying that she doesn’t like you, she’s saying she doesn’t like watching movies. Hence she’s suggesting you to come up with another option which she may like. Accordingly, you should try a different option like, ‘what about a cup of coffee then?’ The chances are good that she may take a second or two to answer this question, which is once again a unconscious sign that she wants to go with you.
This is because she may like coffee and she may like you as well. In addition to that, the fear factor has also been taken care of, as a café is a safe place in general. Hence it is a yes from her side but she may not feel comfortable giving an easy yes, being a female. That is the reason she’s taking time, so that she may not have to say it and you understand it on your own, or even persuade her for this proposal. Accordingly, you should use another sentence to persuade her so that she may be spared from the burden of saying yes so easily.
Hence when you use a sentence like, ‘oh come on, it’s just a cup of coffee and it’ll be fun’; she may find it easier to say yes or she may even give her silent consent through her eyes or face; using more unconscious signs; based on her personality kind. If she’s still confused for some reason of her own but she likes to go out with you, she may say something like ‘I don’t know, maybe some other time’. This doesn’t mean you should quit and it only means you should persuade her more for this date and very likely, she’ll agree to your proposal.
This is just a circumstance and these are just some signs. There may be a number of other circumstances and accordingly, there may be a number of other signs, depending on those circumstances as well as depending on her overall personality kind. For example, three different girls in the same circumstance may like you the same, but they may react in different ways, depending on their overall personality kinds. A bold kind of girl may not take much time and she may give you a straight yes. An average kind of girl may take some time and she may give obvious unconscious signs whereas a shy kind of girl may take much longer, she may never say yes and even her unconscious signs may be difficult to read.
It is a complex study and the behaviour patterns of various natives are different in the same circumstances, based on their exact personalities at those times. For example, a shy kind of girl may say no to movie as well as to coffee and she may not even come closer to you, which means she may maintain a neutral comfort zone. However she may use different unconscious signs and that is the reason you must learn first, what kind of girl you’re dealing with.
For example, she may attach no to movie or coffee but she may never directly oppose your initiative to approach her. She may not come closer to you, but she may also not try to hurry up and leave the venue at the earliest. If a shy girl is standing with you even after rejecting your proposal and her basic body language is favourable, it is very likely that she’s surly interested in you but she’s unable to find the courage to go out with you, at least for the time being.
On the other hand, if a shy girl doesn’t like you, she may not give you a chance to offer coffee instead of a movie and she may not even bother to let you finish what you’re saying. She may tell you at the earliest that she’s not interested or she may not even say so and she may leave the venue. Her presence with you for a significant amount of time is a sign that she’s interested but she needs more time. Hence you should give her more time and you should try again, not at this time though.
It means you may require to approach this girl two, three or even four times on different days; before she may finally agree to your proposal. Before you leave her for the time being, you can try saying that she can take more time if she wants and you’ll meet her again. If she’s interested, you’ll see that she won’t object to this proposal and in fact, she may start feeling nervous. This is her way of telling you that she’ll welcome you as and when you approach her again. You see, there are a number of variables and the results may change as these variables change in different cases.
Let’s now try to look at some signs which indicate that no means no. The most obvious sign is the distance and this girl may never allow you to step inside her comfort zone. In fact, as you stand at a neutral distance and as you propose her; she may step back or lean back while replying to your proposal. This is a strong sign that your proposal has generated a negative response within her on account of which, she finds you unfit, even for the neutral category though it may only be for the time being. Hence she may automatically step back or lean back as she starts fearing or disliking you unconsciously. More dislike you generate in her, more this distance may increase.
Another obvious unconscious sign is that she may use short as well as closed sentences which may give you neither time nor any other option. For example, all the sentences like, ‘I’m not interested, I don’t have time for this and all other such sentences mean that she’s not interested, especially if the answers are supported by her body language also. The worst kind of responses may be ‘no thanks’ or something else like this which may contain three, two or even one word, which is ‘no’. As a rule, fewer are the words used to convey a no, bigger is the rejection.
For example, if she maintains safe distance, she uses just a couple of words, she says them at a fast pace and the volume of her voice is higher than average; it is a strong kind of no. It means you’re not welcome now and you may not be welcome in future also. In fact, this response suggests that this girl may dislike you. If she turns around and starts walking away as soon as she says this in the manner described; it is a confirmation that she dislikes you, at least at this time.
Similarly, there may be other negative signs which may vary from country to country as well as from circumstance to circumstance, depending on the overall personality of the girl in question. Some girls may not even let you finish and they may start walking away without answering, some girls may not even bother stopping if you’re trying to approach them while they’re going somewhere and some girls may make you feel that they don’t care about a word of what you’re saying as they may look least interested when you speak to them.
A strong kind of female may use direct as well as offensive signs to reject your proposal. She may give you a flat no in a couple of words, as soon as you finish saying what you desire to say; she may then hold her position firmly whether she’s sitting or standing; she may look at you directly and she may ask you if you have anything else to say; even before you think about your next line. It means she’s not interested in you, she doesn’t like your idea of invading her privacy and it is you who should leave this place and not her. You see, different signs may be expressed by different natives, depending on their overall personalities.
Let’s now go back to the example where the division of property is pending between you and your brother; and you are a native ruled by moral-sense. When it comes to moral-sense, fair means fair; in its deepest as well as in its all-inclusive sense. Hence your moral-sense may not let you decide this matter in an unfair way, no matter what may happen. For example, let’s consider your brother borrowed an amount of money from you about a year back and he promised to return this money as and when he had sufficient extra funds to return it. However, on account of lack of sufficient funds or on account of any other reason, he has not returned this money so far.
Your brain may tell you that while finalizing this division, you should also settle the amount given to your brother, as it is still due. This is because you have an account to settle with your brother and it is fair that the money borrowed by him should be taken into consideration while settling this division. Consider this property is sold and a net amount of Rs. 20 million is received, which means Rs. 12 million for you and Rs. 8 million for your brother, according to the percentage of investment made by each one of you. Consider your brother had borrowed Rs. 1 million about a year back.
Your self-pride may tell you to deduct this payment first and then give Rs. 7 million to your brother; given the fact that the payment is handed over to you by the purchasing party; though your brother may also be present at the venue. Your brain if not corrupted by your self-pride may not provoke you to do so and it may suggest a mild gesture. As a result, when you divide this payment, you may remind and convince your brother that he owes you Rs. 1 million and he had promised to return this money whenever he had sufficient extra funds. Hence your self-pride sees deducting money without his consent as fair whereas your brain sees convincing your brother to return this money as fair.
However, if your moral-sense controls you, none of these acts may qualify as fair and it has a different definition of fair. In this case, you may divide the amount, you may give him Rs. 8 million and you may not even talk about the money he owes you. This is because by engaging in any of the already mentioned acts, you’re pressurizing your brother to return this payment; and hence it becomes unfair. Your moral-sense is aware that when you gave this amount to your brother, you were under no pressure and you chose to help him because of freewill. It was an act inspired by the love for your brother and it was not an act inspired by the sense of profit or loss.
In addition to that, your brother made it clear that he’ll return this money as and when he had sufficient extra funds. If you didn’t like this condition, you should have asked him to modify it and define a time limit to return this amount. However, you willingly agreed to this condition and hence you must honour what you agreed to. By pressurizing him in any way, you’re violating the condition that he will decide when to return this money.
Though he said sufficient extra funds and according to you; he seems to have them at this time; it is not that simple. The decision that he has sufficient extra funds has to come from him and you can’t force him to reach this decision, even if you’re doing so by convincing him to return your money. He may not desire to return this money at this time for a number of reasons which may be genuine; but he may have to return it as he may feel pressurized by you. Since you agreed that he may return this amount as and when he had sufficient extra funds and this decision is to be made by him whether or not he has extra funds at this moment, asking him to return your money is not fair according to your moral-sense.
It may seem complicated and even foolish to some of you but this is how your moral-sense operates. Its job is to maintain harmony in its deepest sense and this is what it is doing at this time. For example, though your brother is receiving an amount of Rs. 8 million, he may have debts amounting to Rs. 15 million at this time. As majority of these debts may be time bound or law bound, he may be under significant pressure to pay them at the earliest because he may already have gone beyond the deadlines in some of these cases. If such is the case, he may be receiving this payment but he may not have any extra funds.
Hence the way your brain sees it is that he has Rs. 8 million and so he should give you Rs. 1 million. However, the way your moral-sense sees it is that only he should be the judge of whether or not he has extra funds and you should not pressurize him to return your money; as doing so is unfair. Therefore, the definition of fair for your moral-sense in this case is that you give him Rs. 8 million and whether or not he returns your money, is immaterial at this point. Even if your brother doesn’t return money, you should not talk about it even once. If you do so, he may feel ashamed when he should not; and that makes it unfair once again. This is how your moral-sense may define fair in this case.
Your moral-sense helps you look at the bigger picture in order to maintain harmony. If you look at the bottom of this matter, you gave money to your brother after clearly understanding the condition mentioned by him and you did so under no pressure. Accordingly, you have no right to change or modify this condition at a later stage even if such modification looks like a subtle one; and only your brother reserves the right to make this modification, if it favours you. If you violate your promise even in the least, primarily in order to bring benefits to you and losses to your brother; it becomes unfair.
Let’s now try to go beyond this financial transaction and look into the bottom of this matter. The first thing your moral-sense does before doing anything is to fix an objective. If it finds the objective worthy of making an effort for; only then it may guide you to engage in effort. By doing so, it saves you from a number of problems you may face in future, and all such problems may be witnessed, primarily on account of your inability to foresee them.
Hence when your brother comes to you for financial help; your moral-sense helps you find the primary objective as well as the difficulties which you may face, if you choose to engage in this act of help. When it comes to find the primary objective, you can either help him in order to gain some kind of advantage or you can help him purely because of love for him. Since you’re a native ruled by moral-sense; you understand that brotherhood is the domain of love and it is not the domain of business; which means it is the domain of heart and not that of brain.
Kindly note that he’s asking for pure help and he’s not discussing any kind of business proposal; in which case, it does become business and hence your brain has the due right to interfere. However, when a brother or any loved one asks for a pure favour or help; only your heart and moral-sense should be engaged and your brain or self-pride should not be engaged. Therefore, you understand that your brother is asking for such help because of love and if you choose to help him; it should also be because of love and not because of business. Returning love with love only is fair; and your moral-sense knows this rule perfectly. Hence it’ll guide you to act from heart and not from brain though brain may be used for some other facts related to this matter.
After deciding that such help should come from heart, the next thing to decide is the quantum of help asked by him verses the quantum of help you can offer. It means your brother is asking for Rs. 1 million with the condition that he’ll return this amount as and when he has sufficient extra funds. Accordingly; you have to decide two things from here. The first thing is whether or not you can afford to give him Rs. 1 million at this time and the second thing is that whether or not you can wait for a long period of time for this money to come back to you or it may not even come back to you ever.
Looking at the first factor, you can give your brother Rs. 1 million only if you have this amount of money with you; even if you truly desire to help him. Consider you’re rich, you have net assets worth Rs. 100 million and Rs. 1 million is not a big issue for you at this time. Looking at the second factor; your moral-sense helps you understand that the condition for return mentioned by your brother means he may return it at the earliest; he may return it late or he may not be able to return it at all; even if he truly wishes to return it. This is because in order to return this amount, he has to have it first and only then he may be able to return it, if he wishes to.
Since having this amount of money in future is subjected to outside variables which are beyond anyone’s control, it may or may not be returned. In addition to that, he’s saying that he’ll return this amount whenever he has sufficient extra funds. It means whether or not he has sufficient extra funds in future is to be decided by him and not by you. This fact means that he may or may not wish to return this money, based on his definition of sufficient extra funds. Pay focus that the first fact says he may or may not have extra money whereas the second fact says he may or may not desire to return this money; even if he has extra funds in future. As he’s your brother; you may know him well and hence you may have a fair idea of whether or not he may desire to return this money; if he has sufficient extra funds in future.
Since your moral-sense helps you see this circumstance without any glasses; you’re in a very good position to take a decision on this matter. Therefore, you should agree to give him Rs. 1 million only if you can afford this amount at this time and also if you can afford to forget this amount if it doesn’t come back on account of one of the two reasons which have already been explained. Kindly note that in the deepest sense; your relationship with your brother is much more principal than any amount of money and hence it should not be spoiled because of money.
Therefore, the phrase ‘forget this amount’ in this context doesn’t mean you should forget this amount as well as your brother if he doesn’t return it and it instead means; you should be able to forget this amount in a way that this relationship is not affected even in the least. Your moral-sense may not try to force you to prepare yourself to forget this amount; it may only make you aware that you should help your brother only if you can afford to do so easily.
Based on your personality kind; if none of these conditions is much trouble for you, which means you’re a good as well as a rich native and you’re willing to forget Rs. 1 million for your brother if required; you may go ahead and give him this amount. As you give him the money, you’re already clear that this money may not come back and hence in the deepest sense, you forget it the moment you give it to him. As soon as you forget this money; all the expectations for return also disappear and hence you have no reason to worry about this amount of money. Since you’ve understood everything well in advance, you won’t ask your brother to return this money when the property is sold.
If you’re a different kind of native and you can’t afford to lose Rs. 1 million forever, though you may afford to offer this amount to him at this time; your moral-sense may suggest you to take a different route. It may suggest you to pay only as much amount as you can afford to forget. Hence if you can afford to forget Rs. 500 thousand for your brother, your moral-sense may suggest you to offer this much money only. Your brain may guide you to change the condition of return instead of reducing the amount but your moral-sense may refuse this proposal.
This is because your moral-sense has a much better vision than any other unit you have; and hence it is able to see what other units may not see. Your moral-sense understands that even if you change the condition of return and your brother agrees to return you this amount after a certain period of time; say one year; it may or may not happen. When you look at this equation without any glasses which means with the help of your moral-sense; it is easy to understand that there are a number of outside variables in this equation and they may affect the final outcome.
It means even if your brother sincerely wants to return your money; he may not be able to return it in time or he may not be able to return it ever. In order to return your money, he first needs to have this amount of money in future. The future depends on a number of variables beyond everyone’s control and hence any promise based in future can’t be trusted in the deepest sense. Hence in the deepest sense; the promise made by your brother means that he’ll try his best to return this amount in one year; and nothing more than that; though even he may not realize it at this time.
Accordingly, if the outside variables like luck factor don’t go against him and he is able to collect this amount of money from various sources as he expects at this time; he may certainly return it if he wishes to do so. However, if the variables beyond his control play against him and he fails to have this amount after one year; he may not be able to return it even if he wants to. Looking at some of the worst probabilities; which may also be introduced by outside variables in rare cases; your brother may turn bankrupt in future or he may not even live for one more year. You see, even the promise made by a very good native doesn’t mean it’ll be fulfilled and it only means he’ll do his best to fulfil it.
Your moral-sense knows this rule that outside variables can change any equation in any way and hence the worst should always be considered. That is the reason it will always help you look at the complete picture from one extreme to another, so that you may reach a fair decision. Hence your moral-sense may guide you that this money may come back at the earliest in the best case; and it may never come back in the worst case. It may then suggest you that only if you’re prepared for the worst case, you should move ahead with this act. This is because once you are prepared for the worst, there is no way you may face problems later on.
Kindly note that the best possible and the worst possible in every equation or circumstance are rare probabilities and accordingly; they may seldom be witnessed. Hence when you expect the best; the chances are high that you’ll end up in disappointment because you’re asking for a rare thing and even the second best may not satisfy you now, if you happen to come across it. On the other hand, if you’re prepared for the worst; things can only get better from here and nothing can disappoint you now. This is because even if you face something which is bad or very bad but not the worst in a given circumstance; you consider it as a bonus as it is still better than what you’re prepared for.
For example, if your brother returns this money in two or three years and that too in installments; even this brings joy for you as you had forgotten this amount the moment you gave it and any amount which comes back is a bonus now. The worst that may happen in this case is that you may never get your money back and once you’re prepared for it; things can only get better from here as you can only gain when you’ve nothing to lose. On the same lines, the chances are high that you’ll lose instead of gaining, when you’ve a lot to lose and not much left to gain.
That is the reason the negative extreme of every circumstance may come with the strongest chances of gains and the positive extreme of every circumstance may come with the strongest chances of losses. This rule as well as many other rules like it are the constituent units of the laws of nature and your moral-sense understands them in the deepest sense. As long as you know them and you obey them; you can only end up in happiness in every circumstance. On the other hand, if you don’t know these rules or you don’t obey them even after knowing them; sadness, disappointment or sorrow is bound to come to you every now and then.
Hence your moral-sense may guide you that if you can’t afford to lose Rs. 1 million forever, you should lower this amount. Consider this is the case and you’re comfortable with losing Rs. 500 thousand only. Hence you should offer Rs. 500 thousand to your brother and not more than that. When you do so; you’ve once again freed yourself from the burden of expectations attached with the return of this money and hence you may be able to enjoy your life as well as the relationship with your brother, in its true sense.
Kindly note that if you expect your brother to return this money; you can’t properly enjoy your relationship with your brother until your money is returned. This is because on account of your expectations; every time you meet your brother; you may start thinking whether or not he’ll return your money in time. Hence this money may not let you enjoy your relationship with your brother and it may bother you time and again. This problem may intensify as the deadline for returning this money approaches closer; as your expectations may become even higher and hence they may make you restless and such restlessness may cause negativity in this relationship, on unconscious level.
For example, if you meet your brother at a family dinner when the deadline is only ten days away; your expectations may make you behave in strange ways. Since it may happen unconsciously; you may not notice it much, but your brother and even some other members of your family may notice it clearly. Since the unconscious expectations are high in this case, your unconscious responses may change a lot, expressing all these expectations. Looking at some of the things that you may do unconsciously; you may ensure that you sit closer to your brother so that you may discuss certain things with him; even if you don’t know it consciously and even if you don’t do so in general.
It means you may not sit closer to him in general but you may intentionally do so this time, though on a unconscious level. As the event starts; you may start talking to him and sooner than you know, the topic of discussion may shift to financial matters when it should be ideally related to family matters. It means your unconscious part of brain/mind is guiding your brain to take control of this conversation when your heart should be dealing with this event or even with this conversation as this is a family dinner and not a business meeting.
Since your acts are being controlled by your unconscious part of brain/mind, you may ask him questions which may indirectly suggest him to return your money at the earliest. For example, you may ask him as to how his business is going on, is it going good and other things like that. Though it may look like a general kind of question, it is not so in this case; as it is accompanied by your unconscious expectations. You’re excepting him to say that business is good so that you may be assured that he’s making money and your money will be returned in time.
If his business is genuinely not going good and he tells you this honestly; your mood may change. Though he may be telling you pure truth; you may get upset as you may consider it as an excuse to ask for more time. Your expectations may tell you that bad business means less money and less money means no money for you. All this is going inside you and it may have got nothing to do with reality. As that happens, you may start getting into the details of why his business is not going good and how bad it is. Though you may show genuine concern on the outside; deep down you only desire to know how good or bad your chances of getting your money back in time are.
As you keep doing so, your brother may notice it and probably some other members of your family may also notice it. When it comes to your brother; he may not like what you’re doing because you’re investigating him for money at a family dinner; when you should be asking him about his health, family and other such things. You may express unconscious but obvious signs of anxiety as well as distrust and this is what can create negativity in the relationship.
In reality, it may be the case that your brother may be trying for a financial loan so that he may return your money or he may even be looking for you to give him more time. If he gets the loan and he returns your money in time; you’ve created this negativity without any reasons and whether you know it or not; you’ve spoiled a genuine act of help through your expectations. It means that instead of feeling purely thankful to you for this help; your brother may feel more like being insulted by you as you did things like you did over this dinner; many times during this year; particularly as the deadline approached closer.
Through your unconscious expressions, you have told him again and again that money is more principal for you than he is; and this is what can affect this relationship in a negative way. When you keep talking about financial matters even at family events and your unconscious expressions make it obvious that you’re doing so in order to make sure that your money is returned in time; money is indeed more principal for you than your brother is. You may investigate, distrust or even indirectly insult your brother for money and hence you may end up gaining more negativity through this act than you may gain positivity.
Natives often wonder that how come the natives they help are thankless and some of them even turn against them? The primary reason lies in your expectations related to the return of such help or favour and as these expectations gain strength; you start putting pressure on the other native in unconscious ways. This pressure may disturb the other native and he may move away from you; and this may also happen on unconscious level. It means a native may borrow money from you, he may return it though late and he may end up having negative feelings for you, instead of being thankful to you.
This is because you didn’t tell him at the time of lending this money that you’ll directly or indirectly trouble him a lot for this money and you instead offered this money like it is no big deal. Hence he expects it to be no big deal but as time goes by; it does become a big deal and in fact; it may become even bigger than your relationship with this native. Hence you may unconsciously make it clear to him that you value money more than you value him. Accordingly, he may return your money but he may never be the same with you. He’s understood well that whenever it comes to choose between him and money; you’ll always choose money. As you can understand; no one wants a friend or relative like this and hence he may move away from you; so that he may invest his valuable time in finding someone who loves him more than money.
Coming to the second option, if your brother is not able to return this money in time and he asks for more time; you may give him more time though unwillingly; but you’re almost sure to insult him, though you may do so unconsciously. For example, you may allow him another three months as he asks and then you may start teaching him how to do his business or how to manage his personal expenses. Though you may consciously think that you’re doing so in order to help him, you’re insulting him in reality; on unconscious level.
When you tell him that he should make such and such changes to his business format; you’re telling him that he’s not smart enough to configure these things on his own and you’re also pressurizing him to make more money from business so that your money should be returned at the earliest. You may also advise him to cut down on some of his family or personal expenses as saving money is a good habit according to you. You’re once again insulting him as well as pressurizing him to return you money at the earliest; on a unconscious level.
Through this advice, you’re telling him that he should lower his expenses if required, in order to return your money at the earliest. You see, money is once again more principal for you than your brother is; and he may be smart enough to notice it. This is because you never gave him unasked advice about his business or personal expenses before he borrowed money from you. Since you’re doing it for the first time and your unconscious expressions show concern for your money as well as disrespect for him as he’s not been able to return your money in time; it may be easy for him to understand your true intentions.
Whether or not he’s able to return your money in time or at all; one thing is sure and that is the fact that your relationship with your brother may never be as healthy as it was before you offered him this financial help. Isn’t it strange that you helped him in time of require and this help brought negativity in the relationship? Though you may blame your brother for this negativity and you may even call him thankless; majority of this negativity has been generated by you in reality, on unconscious level. Hence you’re the one to be blamed for spoiling this relationship.
Help in its purest sense doesn’t come with expectations for return of any kind and this rule becomes even more principal when you’re helping a loved one. This is because the expectations for return can make you behave in negative ways and doing so can spoil your relationship, whatever such relationship may be. Hence if you can’t afford to help without expectations for return; you should lower the quantum of such help to the extent which you can afford to forget or you should refuse to help at all.
This is what your moral-sense knows perfectly and this is the reason it may guide you well in advance that your money may not come back at all, in the worst possible case. Kindly note that in the deepest sense, any act of help initiated by you may become the cause of bringing hell to you, instead of bringing heaven to you; if such act is initiated with high expectations of return and that too at the earliest. This is because the quantum of return as well as the timing of return is primarily decided by the variables beyond your control or beyond anyone’s control for that matter and hence you should not have such expectations to start with.
As these expectations may or may not be met; they may bring heaven or hell to you. Even if they bring heaven to you; which means they bring the results expected by you as well as in the time expected by you; this is just another step towards hell. This is on account of the reason that as you receive one such result; you may very likely start engaging in other acts of the same kind, with same or even higher expectations. The chances of such expectations being met are low on account of the outside variables but you may still choose to gamble as the previous gamble paid for you. Even if the outside variables favour you this time also and you win; it may only encourage you to gamble one more time.
Hence you may keep doing so until the outside variables become unfavourable and this is the time you start coming across hell. It is like you bet on a particular number at a casino and you win because of luck. This encourages you to place one more bet and say you win once again, which encourages you even more. Accordingly; you may start gambling again and again; till the time you’ve lost everything or the casino is out of money. Since we don’t see casinos running out of money much often; the chances are high that you’ll end up losing everything if you keep playing.
Therefore, if you choose to play with expectations for results, you’re inviting hell in both the cases. It means if you lose in the first attempt, a smaller but quicker hell awaits you. On the other hand, if you lose after winning a number of times; the hell may come to you late but it may be a much bigger hell. This is because in the first case, you may not lose much as you don’t have much to lose. However in the second case, you may lose a lot more than you did in the first case and this is what makes your hell bigger.
For example, if you go to a casino; you bet Rs. 100 and you lose this bet straight away; your loss is Rs. 100 according to you. However, if you win this bet, you place another bet with the amount you’ve won, you win again and you keep doing the same until you place a bet of Rs. 1 million which have come from winnings; this is what may happen if you lose. Though in this case also, your net loss is Rs. 100, you may be completely convinced that it is Rs. 1 million. That is the reason your hell may come late in this case but the size of this hell may be much bigger than the size of hell in the first case.
In the first case, you may walk out of this casino with a feeling of loss which is equal to losing Rs. 100 whereas in the second case; you may walk out of this casino with a feeling of loss which is equal to losing Rs. 1 million. Kindly note that when you entered this casino; you had Rs. 100 in both these cases and hence your net loss is Rs. 100 in both these cases. Hence your hell is the same in both these cases in reality; but you may be under the illusion that this hell is much bigger in the second case. When it comes to illusions, you know that your self-pride is the best at the art of creating them.
It is your self-pride which makes you believe that as soon as you win something, it is yours. In reality; this game starts when you start playing and it ends once you stop playing. Whatever happens in between is momentary and hence it should not be considered as the true or the final result. However, your self-pride may put black glasses on your eyes like always; and hence you may feel like losing Rs. 1 million when your actual loss is Rs. 100. It is your self-pride which brings smaller hell to you by luring you to gamble in order to multiply your money in the first case and it is your self-pride once again which brings a much bigger hell to you; by pushing you to keep playing in order to win more and more.
Your moral-sense on the other hand guides you that a gamble is a gamble and sooner or later; you are bound to lose it. Hence it offers you two options, both of which may be equally good though in different ways. Your moral-sense may tell you that you should either be prepared to lose the amount you’re willing to bet; without any regrets at all or you should not gamble at all. As you choose one of these options, your hell goes away. This is because you’re prepared to lose Rs. 100 and hence you may not be bothered if it is lost.
In reality; losing money doesn’t bring hell to you and the feeling of loss against your wish or expectation is what brings hell to you. Since you’ve already gone through this feeling with complete conscious awareness before placing this bet; this loss can’t upset you now. You may lose money now but this loss may not bring hell to you because this loss is not happening against your expectation in this case and you’ve already expected it. This means you’ve consciously lived this moment of losing this money; even before placing this bet and hence this moment can’t bother you now, through repetition. Hence if you win, heaven is yours and if you lose; you don’t see hell.
Heaven and hell are created by your own brain/mind and outside variables may only serve as media. For example, you may lose an amount of Rs. 10,000 through theft, you may spend it on your son as you may wish to do so, you may donate it to a temple as you may wish to do so, you may spend it on yourself or you may suffer a loss equal to this amount through your profession. In the deepest sense, money is lost in all the cases. However, some of these acts may bring heaven to you; whereas some of them may bring hell to you.
If parting from money is capable of bringing hell; such hell should come to you in each case but in reality; heaven may come to you if you spend it on your son or if you donate it to a temple of your own wish. This is because money is only a medium and real heaven or hell is created by your own brain/mind. As you feel bad after losing this money through theft; hell is created inside you. On the other hand, as you spend this money on your son and you feel good; heaven is created inside you. Your money is gone in both these cases but the end result is hell in the first case and heaven in the second case; depending on how you react to this loss.
Imagine for a moment that you don’t care at all when this money is stolen and you move on with your life like nothing has happened. As you can understand, the loss of money can’t create hell within you in this case because you don’t let such hell to be created within you, by crying over this loss. In fact; losing or gaining money or anything else doesn’t have anything to do with heaven or hell to start with. It is only your interpretation of these events which creates heaven or hell within you.
Whenever you desire to lose money for any reason like spending on your son; you consider it good and heaven comes to you. Similarly; when you don’t desire to lose money but you do; you feel bad and hell comes to you. For example, you don’t desire to spend it on your son but you have to do it under compulsion. Hence you feel bad after giving this money to him and hell is created. You see, you spent money on your son in both these cases but heaven came to you in the first case and hell came in the second case; depending on how you interpreted the act of spending or losing money.
It is not about money or anything else for that matter, it is about your wishes or expectations in all the cases. If you wish to lose; heaven comes through such loss; if you wish not to lose but you lose, hell comes to you; and if you neither wish to lose nor to not lose; liberation comes to you. This brings us back to the desire element once again as every heaven and every hell is created by your own desires or wishes. If you create desires and they’re fulfilled, heaven comes to you whereas hell comes to you if your desires fail to materialize. Hence it is your wish or desire which brings everything to you.
It means if you desire liberation; you have to stop creating desires because no desire means no heaven and no hell as they depend on desires. This state of no heaven or hell is called liberation. If you’re liberated and you are to place the bet under consideration for any reason; you’re only interested in placing this bet and nothing else. It means you feel happy merely by placing this bet and you don’t care about the result of this bet. This brings us back to Nishkaam karma which tells you to derive all your pleasure from the karma itself and to not expect anything from the results or to not expect any results to be precise.
Back to the example, if you win and Rs. 100 become Rs. 10,000; your moral-sense may present the same choice once again, which says if you can easily forget Rs. 10,000, only then you should play or you should walk out. The moment you feel you won’t be able to bear a loss of any given amount that you have at that time; you may walk out and the hell may be avoided. It is your self-pride which may keep showing you the positive extreme only and hence you may keep betting without even a thought whether or not you’ll be able to forget this loss if you lose. Your moral-sense on the other hand keeps you aware about both the extremes and hence it helps you reach a balanced decision.
Coming back to the example of giving money to your brother, you may choose to help your brother only with the amount you may afford to forget as soon as you give him this amount. In the deepest sense, any amount that you place on any bet is lost as soon as you place such bet and whatever may come back if it does; is bonus. Your moral-sense gives you this approach and this approach helps you a lot by expanding your vision.
You may think what if you don’t feel comfortable with losing any amount at all when it comes to help your brother; even if you can afford to give him Rs. 1 million? This is not an option in this case and it may happen in case you’re ruled by self-pride and not by moral-sense. This is because if you have assets worth Rs. 100 million, you have a good relationship with your brother and you still can’t afford to lose Rs. 1 million or even Rs. 500 thousands for him; you’re a native ruled by self-pride and not a native ruled by moral-sense.
Self-pride encourages you to give priority to material possessions over natives in most cases especially when the returns may not be there; whereas moral-sense helps you realize that natives are much more principal than money or belongings. Hence your self-pride may discourage you from helping your brother even when you can as you may have to lose money in the end; but your moral-sense will never do that. Your moral-sense will encourage you to help your brother as much as you can or as much as he needs because love comes first and money comes afterwards.
Hence you may give Rs. 1 million to your brother on his conditions and you may forget this amount as soon as you give it to him. This is because if you remember this amount, your expectations may grow and that may affect your relationship with your brother in a negative way as already explained. However if you forget this amount, you don’t get attached to it and hence you are able to enjoy the relationship with your brother in its natural form. When it comes to family dinners, you may now discuss family matters with your brother like you generally do; instead of discussing financial matters and all this may happen unconsciously; once again.
In the first case, you attached more value to money than your brother and hence your unconscious part of brain/mind helped you talk about money, even at family dinners and at other such events. In this case, you attach more value to your brother than money and hence your unconscious part of brain/mind helps you talk about family matters, in the most natural way. Just like the first case, your brother may notice that you’re not bothered about money at all and you value/love him much more than money. Accordingly; he may start respecting and loving you even more and he may do his best to return your money at the earliest.
After all, no brother may desire to cheat on a brother who’s good enough to help him out in time of require and at the same time; who values him much more than material things like money. You see, more you expect returns; more troubles you may invite. As soon as you forget about returns and you focus only on your karma; which is to help your brother in the best possible way in this case; the returns may come faster and they may be more in quantum.
Hence if your brother has an overall positive personality even if it is slightly positive; the chances are high that when you give him Rs. 8 million without talking about the money you gave him a year back; he may return your money at once and he may also start respecting you more. This is because he may understand that you could have deducted the amount he owes you or you could have at least talked about it while giving him Rs. 8 million. Since you did none of these things; it makes you great as he understands that you love him much more than money and this love will certainly bring back love.
With this, we reach another principal conclusion; if you desire to be loved truly; you have to first learn to love truly. You can only get what you can give and nothing else.
Himanshu Shangari