Gradually this child grows old. Though he may not consciously know the root cause of his problem, or even the problem itself, he has developed a habit of feeling dissatisfied and making complaints in most situations. It may seem strange to some people why this person is finding one reason or another to make complaints about some food item when that item is good. It may not be that strange if you look into the subconscious script of this person. He has been finding dissatisfaction in food for a long period of time, which wrote a subconscious script that food brings dissatisfaction. Though the limited quantity of food or the bad taste of the food suffered by him is gone now, the habit of feeling dissatisfied with food has not gone.
Hence he tends to find one fault or another with food because he has a subconscious habit of finding fault with food items. Though the faults may not be there, the habit is there. Similarly, he may find faults with most clothing items and complain about them as his subconscious dissatisfaction with clothes is strong. Though the clothes may be good now, this habit makes him find some faults and complain about clothes. Likewise, his behavior of complaints in most other spheres of his life can be explained on similar basis.
It should be noted that this person has to have a weak and overall negative personality in order to suffer from this habit, and this weakness and negativity accompanies him right from his childhood or even from his previous life. This is due to the reason that if this person was strong and positive as a child, though he might have faced many of the above mentioned trouble causing situations during his childhood, his reactions towards these problems, final interpretations of such situations and the messages sent by him to his subconscious mind would have been different than they were in case of a child with weak and negative personality.
This means that a strong and positive child would not have suffered in many such situations and he would have sent different messages to his subconscious mind. For example, this child would either have refused to wear used clothes or shoes retired by his elder siblings and he would have strongly demanded for these items to be new; or he would not have bothered much about wearing such used items and he would have been happy with them. In both these cases, the child would have ended up in a situation where he was not left dissatisfied as in the first case, he got what he wanted and in the second case, he liked what he got. So there is no place for dissatisfaction and accordingly there is no place for complaints.
Hence the messages sent to the subconscious mind by this type of child were not negative ones but they were positive ones. The first type of messages said that he would not settle for something he didn’t like and the second type of messages said that he was willing to enjoy what he had instead of crying over what he could not have. Similarly, this child would not have allowed his schoolmates and friends to ignore him as he was strong and he knew how to make his own place among people and more than that, how to make people respect him and follow him.
In the same way, this child would have found ways to feel satisfied and happy, in most of the other aforementioned seemingly bad situations. Accordingly, he would not have developed the habit of complaining too much as he didn’t feel dissatisfied many times during his childhood. On the contrary, this child is likely to develop into a person who is positive and strong enough to change many of the seemingly unfavorable situations to his favor and make the most of these situations even when there is nothing much these situations can offer.
This is because this person has put up many fights against the situations he didn’t like and he has won many of these fights by gaining through many of these situations. Because of that, he has developed a subconscious habit of not being bothered by unfavorable situations as he knows how to make the most of these situations.
Therefore, it is the weak and negative child who is likely to suffer from this problem because he does not have either of the two gifts that a strong and positive child has. He can’t take a stand against things and situations he doesn’t like since he is not strong enough to put up a fight and win. He is not positive enough to enjoy whatever he is getting instead of crying for what he wants. Hence weakness and negativity must be a part of the personality of this person in order for him to suffer from this problem, as a strong and positive person is good enough not to feel dissatisfied in most situations.
Another reasons for making too many complaints is being overambitious. Being overambitious is one negative trait which can make you feel dissatisfied in most situations, with most things and with most people. People complaining too much due to being overambitious are different from the already discussed type of people having this problem. Unlike the first type of people suffering from this problem, these people actually may not suffer much or suffer at all in many situations. All their dissatisfaction and complaints are due to the fact that they have a habit of wanting more and more.
No matter how good a thing, situation or a person may be, one such person may still not feel satisfied as the ideal image of this thing, situation or person in his mind is too big, too great and too perfect to be true. No matter how good his job is, it is still nothing compared to his dream job; no matter how good his girlfriend is, she is still nothing compared to his perfect dream girlfriend; no matter how well his son performs at studies, he is still far behind his dream target; and no matter how good the food or hospitality is at a place, it is still nothing compared to his ideal definition of food and hospitality.
Likewise, no matter how well behaved a person is, he is still nothing compared to his ideal image of a well behaved person; no matter how luxurious a car may be, it still lacks something compared to the luxuries offered by his dream car; and many other such examples of many other such situations where there’s nothing wrong with a thing or a person. However one such person may still not feel satisfied as he has raised his expectations too high.
It’s not a bad thing to demand for better things when the things being offered are not good enough. Likewise, there’s nothing wrong in trying to raise your standards on all levels, as long as all this remains reasonable which is exactly what is not the case with a person suffering from the problem of being overambitious. One such person raises the level of his expectations, ambitions and demands so high that it may be almost impossible for most people and situations to meet such expectations. Inevitably, dissatisfaction and complaints follow in most situations as it is almost impossible to make this person happy and satisfied. Hence the negative habit of being overambitious can make you have the negative habit of complaining too much also.
Looking at another reason, people suffering from inferiority complex as well as negative mindset may have this problem. Due to a combination of these traits, they complain about most people, things and situations. By doing so, they’re trying to make most people, things and situations small so that they may feel bigger in comparison. When most people around them have a number of flaws (according to the people suffering from this habit), it makes them feel better in comparison. Hence they try to belittle people and things in order to feel bigger and better.
Let’s look at some remedies which may help you get rid of this habit if you have it. Since various people may have his habit due to different reasons, you need to find your reason first, in order to implement appropriate remedies. For example, if you have this habit because of low confidence as well as negative mindset, which is the third case; you need to treat these two habits and your problem of complaining too much may go away.
If you have a weak and/or negative personality and you have gone through a troubled childhood where you suffered many times due to lack of one thing or another, you are having this habit due to the first reason. If you didn’t have a troubled childhood and you don’t have a weak personality but you have big dreams, you aspire to rise sky high, you want most people and things to be perfect and nothing less than perfect; and you always have some better idea for a situation, you’re overambitious.
If you suffer from this problem due to being overambitious, all you have to do is treat your problem of being overambitious and the problem of complaining too much will also go away with that.
Coming to the last reason, if you are suffering from this problem due to a weak and negative personality, as well as due to a troubled childhood, your path of treatment is going to be long or very long. In order to get rid of this problem in this case, you will first need to work towards building a stronger personality so that you may be able to fight and change situations which you don’t like, instead of keeping quiet and complaining later on. For this, learn to handle lack of confidence and lack of courage.
Apart from that, you will also need to reduce the overall negativity in your aura/personality so that you may become able to appreciate and make the most of what you have instead of complaining about what you want to have but don’t have. In order to reduce the overall negativity of your personality, you should take guidance from this part as well as from the first part of this book. You should try to rectify or reduce as many negative habits as many you can so that you may finally have a positive aura or positive personality which can not only help you get rid of this negative habit, but many other negative habits too.
Let’s look at some conscious activities which may help you get rid of this habit due to the reason being discussed. These activities may provide extra help and the primary way to fix this problem is by taking care of your weak and negative personality. Looking at these specific activities, though you can’t like what you get if you don’t want it, you can certainly try and get many small things that you really like and then appreciate them. Doing so through conscious activities again and again, will send more and more messages to your subconscious mind.
All these messages will say that you can feel satisfied and you can appreciate also, instead of feeling dissatisfied and making complaints all the time. As the number of these messages sent through your specifically targeted conscious activities increases, you subconscious mind will start adjusting to the new script.
Himanshu Shangari