This habit is a branch of the habit of negative attitude and it writes a specific type of negative pattern on the subconscious mind. Due to this pattern, people suffering from this habit can’t help complaining about most people, situations and things they come across.
Let’s look at some common expressions of people having this habit. They are; the tea is too hot or the tea is not as hot as it should be; the coffee is too strong or the coffee is too light; the water is not cold enough or the water is too cold to drink; this food item has not been cooked properly or it has been overcooked; this bread is not as soft as it should be or this bread is a little too soft; and this dress is a little too short or it is a little too long.
Moving on, this sofa is a little too comfortable or this sofa is not as comfortable as it should be; the paint on this wall is a little too dark or the paint is not as dark as it should be; this movie is not as romantic as it should be or this movie is a little too romantic; that character in the movie is not as expressive as it should be or that character is a little too expressive; the caramel popcorns don’t have enough caramel on them or they have too much caramel on them.
Likewise; this gym has fewer treadmills or the gym has too many treadmills; the air conditioning is a little too effective or it is not as effective as it should be, which means either the temperature is a little too low or it is not as low as it should be; that trainer does not have as much muscle as a trainer should have or that trainer is too muscular; the airplane fare should include meals (when the fare is cheap) or the fare should be less (when it includes meals); you are driving fast or you are driving slow; the speech was too short or the speech was too long; you are calling a little too early or you are calling a little too late; you pay too little attention to my needs or you interfere too much with my affairs; you don’t have any emotions or you are too emotional; you are not mature enough for me or you are too mature for me; and many other such complaints.
It is interesting to note that in most of these cases, the person complaining has a reason to complain in situations which are opposite to each other. For example, if one such person is your wife and you decide to take interest in many of her day to day affairs in order to show love and concern, you may hear from her that you are interfering too much with her affairs and you should give her more space as you are restricting her freedom. On the other hand, when you start doing that and you start giving her more space by not interfering in most of her day to day affairs, she may have another complaint. She may say that you don’t care for her any longer and that is why you don’t take interest in most of her day to day activities.
Similarly if one such person is your husband and you like dressing up most of the time, he may complain that you look too formal most of the time and you should avoid doing so, as there is no need for it. On the other hand, if you don’t believe in dressing up and you like dressing easy and comfortable most of the time, he may complain that your dressing manner is way too boring most of the time and you should dress better. The point is that no matter which way you may choose to behave or do certain things, people suffering from this negative habit will always find ways to complain.
It should be noted that each one of us has his own tastes and choices when it comes to certain things and there are no problems with having such choices. For example, someone may have a taste for having his tea or coffee served very hot and he may complain whenever it is less than very hot, though another person may find it fairly hot. Similarly, someone may like the air conditioning set to very high as he feels more comfortable with low temperatures and accordingly he may complain if the air conditioning is set to normal, though that normal may be reasonably good for many people.
Having such specific choices in a some spheres of your life and even in many spheres of your life does not make you have the habit of complaining too much, as you are simply trying to get things done according to your liking and nothing else. The difference between a person having this problem and the one not having it is that in case of first one of the aforementioned examples, the person having this habit may complain if tea is not very hot as well as if it is very hot. On the other hand, a normal person may complain when tea is not very hot but he may complement when tea is very hot. This is because he has got what he likes and so he pays complement to the one who has made it.
Similarly in case of second example, the person suffering from this habit may complain if the air conditioning is set to low temperature as well as if the air conditioning is set to high or even normal temperature. On the other hand, the person not having this problem may complain when the air conditioning is set to normal or higher temperature but he may feel happy and he may pay complement when the air conditioning is set to low temperature as this is what he likes.
Hence the difference between having specific choices and having a problem of complaining too much is that the first type of people may complain when they don’t get what they like and they may complement when they get what they like. On the other hand, the second type of people may find reasons to complain in almost any type of situation. Hence the first type of people want their likings to be done and they are happy when their choices are met whereas the second type of people simply want to find ways to complain in most cases.
Therefore, if you can complain and complement in a good ratio, you are not suffering from this problem and you only want certain things to be done according to your liking. There is nothing wrong with that, unless you want things which are too difficult for other people to arrange or manage, in most cases. On the other hand, if you hardly complement people or situations even when they are according to your liking and you tend to find ways to complain in most situations, which means that the percentage of complaints made by you is much higher than the percentage of complements given by you, you are suffering from the problem of complaining too much.
Let’s try to understand the cause of this habit. In order to understand it in the best possible way, let’s first try to understand as to when do people complain? Most people complain when they are not getting what they like and instead they are getting something they don’t like, which makes these people dissatisfied and hence they complain. So the key factor working behind a complaint is dissatisfaction whereas that in case of a complement is satisfaction in most cases. People tend to complement when they are satisfied with what they are getting and they tend to complain when they are dissatisfied with what they are getting.
Hence dissatisfaction lies in the root of complaints as you may complain when you are dissatisfied. It may not become a problem as long as you also have the habit of giving complements when you are satisfied. Since people suffering from this negative habit tend to complain in most situations and they hardly complement anyone or anything, and since all the complaints come from dissatisfactions, it means that such people have developed a habit of being dissatisfied with most situations, things and people. Due to this habit, they feel dissatisfied in most situations and that is why they complain.
Such people have written the script of being dissatisfied in most situations, on their subconscious minds. This script can be written due to more than one reason. Looking at one such reason, a person suffering from this habit has gone through a long series of events which were dissatisfying, in the early years of this life or for a long period of time in his past life. These conscious experiences wrote a script on his mind that most people, things and situations are not going to bring anything good to him and instead they are going to do one bad thing or another to him. Accordingly, his subconscious mind starts finding reasons for dissatisfaction in most situations, since it is convinced that such situations will end up in dissatisfaction.
To understand this reason with the help of real life examples, let’s take a close look into the childhood of a person suffering from this problem. As a child, this person kept facing situation after situation for many years, where all these situations brought bad things or bad results to him due to which he was hurt and dissatisfied. For example, he did not have sufficient to eat many times during his childhood. Whenever it was the time for a meal, he knew that he was not going to be satisfied with food as it was not going to be enough. All the times he was dissatisfied due to lack of proper food, these conscious acts of dissatisfaction sent messages to his subconscious mind that food was supposed to dissatisfy.
Likewise, whenever this child wanted to wear clothes, he didn’t have good clothes most of the time and he had to make do with whatever was available which was far below the mark in most cases, and which caused dissatisfaction again and again. Through all these conscious acts of dissatisfaction while wearing clothes, messages were conveyed to his subconscious mind that wearing clothes is what causes dissatisfaction. All the while this child ate his food again and again, and he wore bad clothes again and again, he kept complaining about such food and clothes. These continuous and conscious complaints wrote a script of dissatisfaction for food and clothes.
Similarly, this child had to suffer a lot due to lack of resources in many spheres of his life or due to other reasons. Hence he felt dissatisfied many times and he made conscious complaints many times. Whether it was being sent to a bad school; not having all the required books and stationary; no pocket money or little pocket money most of the time; little enjoyment or entertainment like going out for holidays or picnics; being ignored by parents due to most of the attention going to another sibling; being ignored or undervalued by schoolmates and playmates while taking part in studies and sports; having used cycle, scooter and other vehicles as the new ones were given to elder siblings; wearing old clothes and shoes which were already worn by an elder sibling and many other such reasons, all of them made this child feel dissatisfied and complain again and again.
Such conscious dissatisfactions and complaints towards most spheres of his life kept sending more and more messages to his subconscious mind that no matter what the circumstances or the situations might be, he was only going to be dissatisfied in the end. Such great number of conscious messages wrote a script of dissatisfaction and complaints on his subconscious mind. Accordingly, he started apprehending that most situations were only going to bring dissatisfaction to him and he would only end up suffering in most situations. As this script becomes stronger and stronger, this child starts finding reasons to feel dissatisfied and complain in most situations because this is what he apprehends, is going to happen to him.
Himanshu Shangari