Lack of courage means you have specific types of fears which discourage you from engaging in activities which involve elements of risk. Hence you want to play safe.
Since everything involves risk though some activities may involve high risk and some may involve low risk, this habit may prove troublesome. It may prove more troublesome if you wish to achieve big things in life; since most big things involve big risks.
At times, lack of courage may be confused with lack of confidence. They may seem the same but they are different, though similar. Lack of confidence is a feeling of fear that you don’t have what it takes to do a job whereas lack of courage is a feeling that you may suffer losses if you fail. Generally, they both come in pair, since one of them aggravates the other. Taking an example, you may be very good and confident as a teacher but you may be afraid of attempting physically risky tasks. Hence you may have confidence in many spheres but you may lack courage.
For instance, you may be confident that you don’t want to go for mountain tracking. You may be afraid that you may end up hurting yourself and hence you choose to abstain. You may be confident in your decision but you may lack the courage to do so. It should be noted that even if you’re courageous, you may choose not to go for this task, if you simply don’t like it. If such is the case, you may attempt many other risky tasks without issues. However if you lack courage, you may avoid engaging in all such tasks, where the element of risk is high.
However, risk is a necessary element and there may be no growth without it. Even the birth of an individual starts with a big risk, the risk which his mother takes by conceiving; even after knowing that such conception may cause many health problems. The same may also pose threat to her life. Medical science in the present times is advanced enough to make sure that in most cases, the mother as well as the baby is safe. However, when no medical science was there to start with, every mother took the risk of her health and life in order to bring life to existence.
They knew that greater achievements needed greater courage and accordingly, greater risks needed to be taken. Greater are the rewards, greater are the risks. The survival rate till the age of adulthood is low or very low among many species of animals, sea creatures, birds and other such species. Even then, their mothers conceive the babies and give birth to them, knowing well in advance that many of them will die. As these babies are born, many of them die young or very young and their mothers witness their deaths. Before you can even start to wonder, these mothers are ready to do it again.
The reason is that these species know that there are no rewards without risks, there is no success without failure and there is no life without death. Hence they only do what is required of them. They try to do so in the best possible ways by providing safe atmosphere to their new born babies; and they are then willing to take calculated amount of risk. No mother wants to see her babies die even if it is an animal or bird mother. However, they watch all such things and they keep giving birth after watching death again and again, as they know that there is no reward without risk.
Looking at the history of mankind, all great achievements have been accomplished with great risks. Hence if you have the negative habit of taking no risk or taking little risk, you should try and get rid of it. In order to do so, you need to replace the script of ‘I don’t want to lose or get hurt’ with ‘I’m fine if I lose or get hurt’; on your subconscious mind. In order to do so, you need to engage in conscious acts of courage. As courage gets in, lack of courage has to get out.
Let’s look at some practices which can help you getting rid of this habit. Start engaging in activities which involve small amounts of risk and which are not difficult. This is the first level and you shouldn’t take big risks here since you may end up quitting as you suffer losses. As you move ahead, you may succeed at some of these activities and you may fail at some. However through the process, you may learn that even failures don’t make you less as a person and they make you stronger.
Unlike in cases of many other habits, you don’t need to win again and again in order to get rid of lack of courage. Your job is to attempt risky tasks, give them your best and not bother about the outcomes. Once you do so, your job is done. Hence you should not aim for success and you should be focused on attempts. As you do that again and again, your conscious mind sends signals to your subconscious to the effect, ‘I can take risks’.
It should be noted that you are not looking for a message like ‘I can take risks and win’. This message is focused more on winning and less on taking risks. Hence if you lose more than you win, you may end up quitting. Therefore, focus on ‘I can take risks’. It means you should not bother whether you win or not.
Though you should try to succeed in all such activities, losing at many of them may help you more. The root cause of this problem is the fear that if you engage in risky activities; you may face failures, defeats and/or losses. Hence when you engage in such activities and you win or succeed in most of them, your fear may get weaker. When that happens, you may think you’re getting better but you may not be. This is because you’re dependent on outward results and not on yourself. Hence as you start losing, you may start having such fears again. Being human, everyone has to lose; less at times and more at times.
Real courage doesn’t lie in taking risk when you are already certain of your success or victory. This is because there is no risk if you are sure to achieve success or victory. Real courage lies in taking risk even though it may be well calculated risk; and giving it your best whether you succeed or not. If latter is the case which means that you fail, accept that failure and try harder and smarter next time. Trying something and giving it your best is all you need to do and you should not worry about the outcomes. Every failure may teach you an important lesson.
Success can’t teach us much and it is the failures that teach us the most important lessons of our lives. Once you’ve fallen into a pit, you may always be careful about it. Hence you may not fall into it again. Therefore, failures should be more welcome than successes as failures may not only teach you how to succeed but they may also teach how to maintain success once achieved, which success alone may never teach. This is because you may have failed many times to understand how not to fail.
Hence try risky tasks and fail at some of them. With each one of these small failures and losses, you may realize that you’re still the same person or even stronger. It means you can move ahead with your life even if you fail, at times with even more strength. This is because if the worst can’t shake you, what else can. Hence the best way to get rid of any fear is to face it. When it has done the worst it can to do to you and you still stand your ground; such fear has nothing more left to do. Hence it may leave you for good.
Looking at activities for the first level, choose some activities which you were afraid to do during your childhood and start attempting them now. This is because the fears which capture your mind during childhood are the foundations of all other fears of the same types which grow in the later years of your life. For this reason, shake this problem from its foundations.
Hence start this practice with such activities from your childhood which may not be difficult now but which still include elements of risk. The primary objective is to attempt these activities without bothering about winning or losing. As you engage in such activities, you may start having fun. At the same time, you may realize that losing is not as bad as you thought.
Taking an example, if you’re afraid of football due to fear of losing, start playing it. You may lose a lot but such losses may not make you less as a person and they may make you more. With time, you may witness improvement also. Even if you see an improvement of 10% after a month or two, you have achieved two good things. You’re better at the game now and you’re not afraid of losing. It means one of your fears has left you for good.
Likewise, if you’re a bad dancer, start taking dance classes or practice on your own. Though you may do poorly in the beginning, you may realize that such failures don’t take anything away from you. Hence stick to the routines. With time, you may improve as a dancer and your fear of dancing may also leave you.
Looking at some physically and/or mentally risky activities, you may start to learn swimming, horse riding, driving a car or a heavy vehicle, climbing trees; or you can choose to visit deserted places. The activities which will help you the most are the ones you fear the most. Hence if horse riding is your worst fear, you may not gain much by learning how to swim if swimming doesn’t scare you to start with.
Therefore, you should choose activities which you fear and which are easy at the same time. You can choose a number of other activities, depending on your fears. As you continue doing so, your conscious mind sends more and more messages to your subconscious to the effect, ‘I’m fine if I lose or get hurt’.
Once you’re comfortable with this level, move on to the next level and try things which are riskier. Move slowly and don’t take such risks at any stage, which are far bigger than you can accommodate. With time and efforts, you may build resistance to fears and losses. Hence you may be able to try things which are duly risky. You may win at times and you may lose at times. However, you may realize that winning as well as losing is secondary; and playing is primary. Once you’ve reached this stage, all you may have is courage.
Looking at some helpful tips, try and learn from your failures as they are the best teachers. Observe each failure and try to find out what went wrong. The primary focus here is not on wining more but learning to improve. As you improve, you’ll surely win more. However, improvement and not success should be your primary objective. Improvement is inner quality which doesn’t depend on circumstances outside. Hence you should go for it. Success is an outward expression and it depends on a number of factors.
You may be the best in a sphere but you may still lose at times. Hence don’t focus on success and focus on improvement. Memorize this fact that you can always improve but you can’t always succeed. This is because you don’t need outside factors to improve and all that matters is you. Success on the other hand is something you can’t control. Hence don’t bet on it.
It is interesting that more you improve, more you may succeed. However, the converse is not true. It means more success doesn’t mean more improvement. Therefore, success may come as a result of improvement but improvement may not follow as a result of success. It is like a star can create light but the light can’t create the star. Hence work on improvement and don’t bother about success as it is bound to follow, like light is bound to be there with a star.
Looking at another tip, don’t end up developing a habit of taking too many unnecessary risks; while trying to get out of lack of courage. Mark your boundaries well and always know how much is too much. Risks are worthy of being taken when they are necessary or they offer required growth in various spheres of life. However, you should stay away from them if you wish to engage in them merely for fun, as such practices may turn into the habit of taking too many risks.
Taking an example, it is wise to fight with someone stronger than you, if he’s trying to hurt someone you care for. However, it is not wise to mess with the same person, merely for fun. Though the risk of getting hurt is involved in both the cases, it is necessary in the first case whereas it is unnecessary in the second case. Hence be wise enough to make this distinction.
Himanshu Shangari