Negative attitude is one of the biggest hurdles on your path to success. Hence you need to act with utmost urgency if you know or find out that you have a negative mindset or negative way of looking at things.
Negative attitude may keep making the conscious and the subconscious mind more and more negative. Accordingly, it can make everything and everyone go away from you as no good things and people can stay with a person who has a highly negative attitude.
Some people having negative attitude may themselves not know that they suffer from this problem. They may think that they are relatively reserved or choosy but not negative in attitude. Let’s look at some symptoms which may help in identifying this problem.
The most prominent feature of people with negative attitude is that when they look at people or things, they look for their flaws first. Hence their first opinion about most people or things is negative. Almost all people as well as things have good as well as bad characteristics though some of them may have more good ones and some others may have more bad ones.
A person with positive attitude will almost always look for the positive qualities first whereas a person with negative attitude will almost always spot the negative characteristics first. Some of these people may be so good at being negative that they may be able to spot a negative trait of a person or thing at first look, even if it is the only negative trait that such person or thing may have. You always find what you truly look for. Such people look for negative traits in people and things, with all their hearts, conscious and subconscious minds. Accordingly, they may find negative things only.
In day to day life, you may hear people with negative attitudes saying things like, “look that woman is wearing an out of fashion dress”, though the woman may look beautiful in that dress; or “that guy standing in that corner has bad taste in shoes”, though the guy may look handsome. Likewise, “look, this new car has some dirt on its bumper”, though the car may be otherwise clean.
Similarly, “that girl is not wearing matching pair of shoes”, “that guy doesn’t know how to shave properly”, “this park is so noisy”, though it may be a beautiful park; “these kids should not play in front of our house”, though it’s a common place and all kids play there; “that woman is too short”, “that guy is too tall”, “your grandma speaks too much”, “your grandpa speaks too little”, “your brother smiles too much”, “your sister smiles too little”, “the food is less salty”, “the water is too cold” and millions of other such things.
The essence of all these examples is that such people will always look for negative traits in people, things and places, instead of looking for the positive ones. They are good at spotting negative traits and they don’t bother much about finding positive traits in people, things or places. This is because through conscious engagement in finding faults, they have written scripts on their subconscious minds to the effect that they only want to look for negative things.
Accordingly, their subconscious minds help them when they try to spot drawbacks or weaknesses. Since they have the supports of their subconscious minds, they may be exceptionally good at finding negative traits. All they really want to see are negative traits and accordingly they see negative traits only.
At times, the negative traits that they may see in people, things or places may not actually be there and they may only perceive that they are there. For this reason, such people may be able to build mountains of negativity out of nothing. Hence if you ask one such person to find 5 bad things about a person, he may do so with ease. However, if you ask him to find 5 good things about a person, you may notice that he’s struggling. He may even not be able to succeed despite best conscious effort. If that happens; it means that such person’s mindset is highly negative.
Another worth mentioning feature of such people is that many times they speak with negative clauses in their sentences when they may do so with simple positive sentences. For example, if one such person is asked for a choice between tea and coffee, he may say, “I will have coffee as I don’t like tea” or “I don’t like tea”. A person with positive attitude may simply say, “I will have coffee”. It means he may not feel the need to mention the fact that he doesn’t like tea.
Likewise, one such person can often be found using other negative phrases like, “Out of these two cars, I like the red one as I don’t like green colour” instead of simply saying “I like the red one”. Looking at another sentence, “I will watch a movie as I don’t like watching football” instead of simply saying “I will watch a movie”. Similarly, they may use negative clauses in many of their sentences; when simple positive sentences may do the jobs.
Due to negative mindsets, they need to add something negative to each and everything, even if it is a sentence. Hence even if they like something, they may feel the subconscious need to mention something they don’t like. They’ve written strong scripts of finding flaws and criticism on their subconscious minds. Such scripts execute each time they try to do or even say something.
Such is the power of negative mindset. This is why negative attitude is one of the biggest problems that one may face while moving forward with his life. Such people may especially do poorly or very poorly in the sphere of relationships, as they may keep finding faults with the ones who are in relationships with them. As a result, other people may start avoiding them sooner or later.
There are various branches of negative attitude. Some of them are; not trusting other people and even the near ones, doubting most people and even doubting yourself, criticizing other people a lot, finding ways to complain in various spheres of life on account of one reason or another; and other such negative traits which are all rooted in this bigger problem of negative attitude. Hence in order to treat any one of these negative traits, you need to treat the root of these habits which is negative attitude.
As these people have serious lack of trust, it may be difficult for them to trust most people who come in touch with them. Hence they may be poor at relationships. They may not share most of their feelings with others, they may draw boundaries and they may not let people cross those boundaries. As they keep themselves restricted and they don’t trust others, they may push most people away from them.
Such mindset may prove especially difficult for a relationship like love affair or marriage. The partner of one such individual may get tired of his constantly doubting attitude, criticism and lack of trust. Hence such individual may face many failed relationships and he may end up being alone in the long run.
Due to the gravity of this problem, it needs to be fixed as soon as you spot it. The root of this problem lies in fear, distrust and inferiority complex. If you have this problem; you are subconsciously afraid that most people and situations may hurt you, exploit you or they may make you feel small. Hence you stop trusting people and you start doubting them. Since others can make you feel small according to you; you start making them smaller by finding faults with them; in order to feel secure. When most things and people around you are flawed, you may feel better in comparison. Hence you start making them smaller so that you may look bigger.
However, it is all happening in your imagination and not in the real world. You can neither make someone bigger nor smaller, as they are what they are. However in the process of making others smaller, you’re distancing yourself from them. Everyone is unique and beautiful in their own ways and you just need to see that beauty; even your own beauty.
The habit of comparison is one of the worst habits as it may give birth to baseless fears and insecurities of various types. The fear of getting hurt or being exploited may stop you from playing and it may make you sit on the sidelines. Life is a game and you have to play it as long as you’re in it. You’ll get hurt at times and you’ll get rewarded at times. Embrace everything and keep playing, as all will be well in the end.
Let’s see what techniques can help when it comes to rectify negative attitude. You have a subconscious tendency to look for bad in people, things and places. Hence in order to treat your problem in the most effective way, you need to engage in conscious acts of finding beauty in people, things and places. Doing so will start overwriting the script on your subconscious mind. With time and effort, you may finally develop a subconscious habit of seeing beauty in people, things and places. It means you may develop positive attitude.
To begin with, take a scenario where you are alone and no one is with you. This way, no one will judge you and you can take all the time and effort that you need in order to improve yourself. Start with a small activity like opening your social media account 5 to 10 times every day. Look for friends who have updated their status with pictures, thoughts or other types of posts. Start observing them and try to find something good about each one of them or about most of them.
Let’s say you start with finding one good thing about some pictures that your friends post and then comment on one such picture with the mention of that good thing. For example, if someone is wearing a good looking shirt, notice it and point it out in your comment which may be something like, “this shade of red suits you a lot” or “you look really good in this shade of blue”. Likewise, if a friend is wearing a very good pair of ear rings, notice it and point it out in your comment like, “beautiful picture and especially your ear rings which add to your beauty”.
It should be noted that the whole point of doing this activity is to make conscious efforts of finding good things about people, things and places. Hence you should never try this activity with universally proven formal comments like, ‘nice pic, beautiful pic, you look nice; or nice’. This is because if you choose to type such comments, you won’t engage your conscious mind in any activity. Hence you may not see any results.
However, when you try to find one or two good things in a picture, you will engage your conscious mind in this practice and that is what you need. Though it may seem like an easy job but it is not; as your habit of negative attitude can make it very difficult for you to find good, particularly in the beginning.
For example, when you start with the first picture that someone in your friend list has posted, the first things that you notice may be flaws or negative points in that picture. Don’t worry as this is the natural you with the habit of negative attitude. Hence try again and find one good thing or point about that picture and then mention that point in your comment. Though it may take you long to do so with your first few pictures, you have the luxury of all the time you need. In addition to that, no one is there to judge you.
It should be noted that your overall comment should be positive and it should not be a negative one with a positive part like, “oh I love your ear rings though your dress should have been a bit brighter”. Similarly, “this red one really suits you a lot though my favourite is green” and other comments like them; where despite the positive thing you noticed and put in, the overall comment is negative.
As you start posting more and more such comments, with each one of these positive comments written after conscious effort of finding beauty in people, places and things; your conscious mind will start sending messages to your subconscious mind that you want to see beauty. Hence slowly but surely, your subconscious mind will start replacing the old script of finding problems in people, which means negative attitude; with the new script of finding beauty in people, which means positive attitude.
As this script gets stronger with your continuous conscious efforts, your subconscious mind may start encouraging as well as helping you. At this point, you may observe that it has become easier for you to notice beauty in people, things and places; and now you need less effort.
Another good thing is that when you start posting beautiful and unique comments about your friends; they may start recognizing that your comments are quite different from usual comments. They’ll know that you have taken time to find beautiful things about them and then write them. When that happens, you may start receiving positive vibes of thankfulness from these friends. Such vibes may give big boost to your confidence as you witness that your efforts are being recognized. All you have to do from here is to gain more and more positivity.
An interesting fact about energy is that if you send positive energy to people, you may get positive energy in return whereas if you send negative energy, you may get negative energy in return. It means as you start sending positive energy to your friends, they may send back more and more positive energy which may improve your net energy equation. Hence you may start having better and better energy equation or improved aura with the passage of time.
After some time, you may feel that you have mastered this level. At this point, you may notice that in order to put a beautiful comment on a picture, you don’t have to work hard and you don’t need much time, since it has started coming easily to you. This is the time when you are ready for the next level. Though the next level may be more challenging, you are likely to be prepared for the increased resistance.
In the next level, start dealing with real life situations and try to find beauty in people, things and places. Since you have already developed a habit of giving complements and finding good in people, places and things, it should not be difficult for you to do so. Start with simple but true complements that appreciate the people you meet.
For example, you can say, “Oh Anna, this red dress looks really good on you and by the way, red is my favourite colour too” or “Mr. Smith, this new hair style gives you quite a different look, in a good way”. Likewise, “Your apartment is really impressive and I especially like your living room” or “Oh, you’re going on a vacation to Europe; It’s beautiful and you’ll surely love it” and other such complements which are honest and positive.
One thing that you have to keep in mind while engaging in these activities is that your complements should involve conscious effort and they must be honest. For example, if you don’t like red, don’t say that red is your favourite colour, merely in order to make the complement better. In this case, simply say, “Red looks really good on you”.
Always remember that sooner or later, people will get to know whether your efforts are real or fake. Hence always make real and honest efforts. As you keep telling good things to other people, most people you complement may start being friendlier with you. Some of them may also start doing small favours for you, which may increase your faith in them. Hence you may start trusting people more and more, as you find out that there are many good qualities in them and they wish well for you.
While you are consciously working to get rid of negative attitude, you should absolutely stay away from such people around you who may have the same habit. This is a must follow rule and it is so important that even if your own mother, father, brother, sister, best friend or your spouse is seriously affected by this habit, you should avoid their company until you’ve gained a fair amount of positive energy through various practices.
People with negative attitudes are highly likely to have negative auras. Hence they may transfer negative energy to your aura through their company as well as interactions. At early stages, negative energy coming to you is the last thing you want if you wish to get rid of this habit. It is like you don’t sit with your friends while they’re consuming alcohol, if you’re trying to quit drinking.
Once you have achieved a good level of positive attitude, you can choose to be with selective people with negative attitude like your close relatives or friends. Even at this stage, you should avoid people with negative attitude who you can afford to avoid. The kind of company you keep on regular basis and the kind of people you deal with on regular basis is an important factor in making you a positive or a negative person. Accordingly, you should choose wisely who you spend your time with, as it is an important factor in giving you more good habits or more bad habits.
While going through this practice, as much as you may benefit by staying away from negative people, you may benefit the same or more by keeping company with more and more people with positive attitudes. More time you spend in the company of such people, more positive energy may come to you. Accordingly; you may find it easier to get rid of your habit of negative attitude.
The company of people with strong positive mindsets is really very helpful in such cases as such people may provide you with lots of positive energy and motivation. At the same time, you may get to engage in more and more positive activities in their company. This is because engaging in more and more positive activities is what people with strong positive mindsets do, most of the time.
As the practice of finding beauty in people continues and as you start doing it more often, you may find out that a stage has reached where you don’t have to do much conscious effort to spot beauty or good in people and then complement them. At this stage, the first thing that may come to your mind when you see a person, thing or place is a beautiful or good thing about them. This is exactly the opposite of what it was before; which was negative things coming to your mind whenever you saw people, things or places. It means your negative attitude has gone and you can build up from here, more and more.
Remember that most people, things and places have good as well as bad traits in them as no one and nothing is perfect. However, whether you see beauty or ugliness in them, doesn’t define them and it defines you. If you see beauty in them, you’re beautiful inside. If you see ugliness in them; ugliness is what lies within you. It is like whatever is the colour of the goggles you wear; the same may be projected on everything you see.
It means everything may appear greenish to you if you wear dark green goggles. Likewise, everything may look blackish to you, if you’re wearing black goggles. Beauty and ugliness are relative and they lie in the eye of the beholder. Hence you’ll always see beauty if you’re beautiful inside. If you’re not able to see beauty; try not to fix the objects in your vision; and try to fix your vision. Heaven or hell is all about your point of view or mindset and nothing else.
Isn’t it a small but surprising example of the mindset of different people that if you keep a glass half filled with water and then ask different people what does the glass look like, you may get different answers. Some may say that the glass is half filled whereas some others may say that the glass is half empty.
In reality, the glass is half filled as well has half empty. The ones who see the glass as half filled have positive mindsets. Hence they notice that the glass is half filled. The ones who see the glass as half empty have negative mindsets. Hence they spot emptiness first. Whatever their answers may be; such answers don’t tell much about the glass and they tell about them. An empty person may see the empty part whereas a filled person may see the filled part. Hence it’s not about how the glass is or should be and it is about how you are or should be.
It means people, places and things won’t change in most cases. It is you who has to change and this change means the change in your attitude or mindset. Yes, there will always be some people or things which won’t work well for you or which won’t suit you even if you have strong positive attitude. However, such people or things are not many in numbers. You may discover that as your mindset gets more and more positive, the number of hurtful people may decrease in the same proportion.
This is because good and bad are relative. When you really want to see ugliness in people, you’ll bring out their ugly parts. On the other hand, you’ll bring out their beautiful parts if all you want to see is the beauty in them. For this reason, the same person may be good for someone whereas he may be bad for someone else.
Though the person in question remains the same; the other one has changed. It means if he’s bad for someone, that someone may also do things to bring evil out of this person. It means that the other person himself may not be very good or good. Likewise, if the person in question is good for someone else; that someone may also do things to bring the best out of this person. It means that the other person in this case may himself be good or very good.
All heavenly pleasures come from within your mind, they encourage you to do good things, you do so and you benefit. Likewise, all evil also rises from within you, it encourages you to do bad things, you do so and you suffer. Though you may engage in good things in the first case and in bad things in the second case; one thing is common in both these situations. You have only achieved what you really wanted to achieve. The world around you changes as you change because everything is relative.
When a drop of water falls into mud, it becomes mud. If the same drop of water falls on a lotus, it shines like a pearl. If the same drop of water falls into the mouth of an oyster, it may actually become a pearl. Though the drop of water is the same in all cases, the result is different in each case, depending on who receives this drop of water.
People are like this drop of water and in most cases, it all depends on what you want to get out of them. If you choose to be mud, you may get mud in return. If you choose to be lotus, you may get bright shining results from people. If you choose to be an oyster, you may get beautiful results like pearls from the same people.
Though such stage is difficult to reach and it may take you long to reach this stage, it can finally be reached. Hence you should start walking towards this goal of having a highly positive aura or a highly positive attitude. As you cover more and more distance on the path of positivity, more and more beautiful and amazing rewards may be delivered to you. Accordingly, you may be in a better position to enjoy life to the fullest, by spreading good things and getting good things in return.
Most people are mixtures of good as well as evil and they may serve as a mirror to you. Hence if you are beautiful yourself, you may see a beautiful picture of yourself in them whereas if you are ugly, you may see an ugly picture of yourself in them. In simple words, if you choose to do beautiful things to people, they may return them with beautiful things and hence the picture looks beautiful.
Though you may think that this beautiful picture is theirs but in reality, this picture is yours because people are only reflecting the same beauty that originated from within you. Hence this is your own beautiful picture. On the other hand, if you choose to do ugly things to people, they may also return them with ugly things. In this case, your picture looks ugly when seen in the mirror of people. Here again, the mirror is not to blame and you are.
Therefore, stop blaming or cleaning the mirror if you are not able to see a beautiful picture of yourself in it. Recognize the fact that in order to look beautiful in the mirror, you will actually need to be beautiful. Hence start doing it at the earliest.
Himanshu Shangari